Becoming Single Again Written by: Alanzo Smith, EdD Family Counselor for the Greater New York Conference of Seventh-day Adventist in Manhasset, New York, USA From Revival and Reformation: Families Reaching Across. Presented by: (add presenter name here)
The Reality of A Divorce Divorce rate in the USA 50% of all marriages end in divorce Highest divorce rate in the world Impacts of a divorce Profound and long lasting Affects couple, family members, friends, church and community
Mourning alone – emotional pain of being single again (Forrest, 1981) Feelings of loneliness, devastation Victimized by labeling of others Rejection by others Physical and emotional consequences Coming to grips with the reality of being single again Emotional Impact
Widowhood may demand major life adjustments. Dual dilemma of having to reorganize and restructure the management of life When children are involved, the dynamics of the family adjustments can be challenging. When the surviving parent is involved in a new relationship it can cause conflicts. Loss of Spouse to Death
Singleness is not a dysfunction. It marks the loss of a “socially valued status.” It is not the loss of your valued self. The majority of singles lead respectful, honest and wholesome lives. As a child of God, singles can face their reality with determination and dignity. Being single again
Preoccupation with revenge Excessive guilt Heightened sense of spirituality Social withdrawal Absentmindedness Emotions Undifferentiated sadness Episodic anger Feelings of loneliness Irrational helplessness Shock and Awe
Provide time for grieving. Grief is normal. Give yourself sufficient time to return to basic functioning such as going back to work and household tasks. Recognize your emotional feelings. There should be no rationalization or suppression of emotions. Explore defenses and coping style. Defense mechanisms are often used to obscure reality. For example you may shift uncomfortable feelings to a child. Managing Your Emotions
Find meaning to the loss. ( Romans 8:28) God is working with us in every good or bad situation. Let go and let God God has ultimate control over your life. Re-invest the emotional energy of the separation in self and God. Get professional help. Sometimes you will not be able to mitigate every situation yourself. Improve social competence. Accept the circumstances
Get involved in meaningful hobbies and activities. Attend and participate in church activities. Let go of negative emotions and forgive yourself and your ex-spouse. God is waiting to partner with you to open new doors. See Handout 2 Steps for Growth
It is a healing gift when done in harmony with God’s Word. Watch for quick rebounds and the desire to compensate for one’s immediate apprehension. The Bible warns against cohabitation. Society seems to have become more tolerant to couple living together. It is still against the will of God. Place yourself in the center of God’s will. Remarriage