Developing Close Relationships © All photo clip art copyright of Microsoft Office Online

The Development of a Relationship Relationships take time and effort o Becoming aware o Making contact o Disclosure Discussion: o Consider your closest relationships (friendship and romantic). o How did they develop? o Who became aware of who? o Who made contact? o What did disclosure look like? © All photo clip art copyright of Microsoft Office Online

Becoming Friends Friendship may be defined by values Keeping confidences and loyalty most important in 2003 survey We tend to select friends who are similar Discussion: o What values are important to you in a friendship? o Are these similar to those valued by your classmates? o Do men value different traits than women? o Do you have traits that others value in friendship? © All photo clip art copyright of Microsoft Office Online

Dating & Mating Relationships often do not live up to our expectations Being in a relationship can bring great joy and risks Romantic attraction is somewhat of a mystery! We’re usually attracted to individuals similar to us Discussion: o What traits do you look for in a potential date/relationship? o Are these traits different than those you look for in a friend? o What are your reactions to the gender & you section of the text in this chapter? Take a quick poll in the class – are the results similar to those shared in the text? © All photo clip art copyright of Microsoft Office Online

Becoming Lovers Great similarity between love relationships and good-friend relationships Love defined Theory of love o Passion o Intimacy o commitment Discussion: o Do you agree/disagree with the Stack Sullivan definition of love presented in the text? Why or why not? o Review the myths about love presented in the text. What would you add to this list? © All photo clip art copyright of Microsoft Office Online

A Triangular Model of Love Consummate Love= Intimacy + Passion + Commitment Empty Love = Decision/Commitment Alone Fatuous Love = Passion + Commitment Infatuation = Passion Alone Companionate Love = Intimacy + Commitment Liking = Intimacy Alone Romantic Love = Intimacy + Passion

Becoming Committed Important decision – requires careful thought! To consider: o Marriage o Remaining single o Cohabitation Discussion: o Consider past relationships where there has been a mutual commitment.  How was the decision to commit made?  What were the pros/cons of being in a commitment relationship? © All photo clip art copyright of Microsoft Office Online

Marital Adjustment Important to consider expectations o Role expectations o Marriage/career o Parenthood/career Discussion: o What are your ideas about the role of the different partners in a marriage? Do you consider yourself conservative? Traditional? o Have you thought about whether you’d like to be a stay at home dad? Mom? o Have you thought about whether or not you plan to work outside the home when married? © All photo clip art copyright of Microsoft Office Online

Marital Conflict Money most common source of conflict in marriage Five-to-One Ratio Discussion: o What other sources of marital conflict do you think might be an issue in marriages? For you? o Do you agree with the five to one ratio? Why or why not? © All photo clip art copyright of Microsoft Office Online

Communication Problems Successful communication is the cornerstone of any relationship Positive communication is not always easy Communication failures occur when: o Partners choose not to communicate o Lack of communication skills © All photo clip art copyright of Microsoft Office Online Discussion: o Think of a time when you have experienced a break down in communication with a significant other. What do you attribute to the breakdown? What could you have done differently? What could he/she have done differently?

Family Violence Includes: o Child abuse o Violence between spouses o Sibling abuse o Sexual abuse o Parental abuse by children o Elderly abuse Discussion: o What ideas do you have about how to identify the potential for violence in a would-be partner? o What thoughts do you have about what to do in a situation where someone you thought you could trust becomes violent or abusive? © All photo clip art copyright of Microsoft Office Online

Codependence Codependent relationship o One person has allowed another person’s behavior to affect her/him o Person is obsessed with controlling that person’s behavior Discussion: o What’s the difference between wanting what’s best for someone and being codependent? o What ideas do you have for having clear boundaries in relationships and not allowing someone's behavior to control you? © All photo clip art copyright of Microsoft Office Online

What’s the Green-Eyed Monster? Jealousy o Thoughts and feelings that arise when an actual or desired relationship is threatened Envy o Thoughts and feelings that arise when our personal qualities, possessions, or achievements do not measure up to those of someone relevant to us Discussion: o Most of us have experienced jealousy and envy at some point in our lives. Can you think of a time that either have caused problems in a relationship? o What ideas do you have as to how to avoid being jealous? Envious?

Growing Apart Time to let go? o Not in the midst of emotional turmoil o Earn the right to quit Divorce Predictors of marriage longevity Impact of divorce Children remarriage Discussion: o Think of a relationship you have had that has ended. How did you know when to let go? How did you make that decision? What might you do differently in the future? o If you plan to marry, what ideas do you have about how you will nurture and develop future relationships to try to avoid chances of divorce? © All photo clip art copyright of Microsoft Office Online

Diverse Families Stepfamilies Gay/Lesbian relationships Discussion: o In addition to those presented in the text, what are some additional challenges you foresee with step/blended families? o How do stereotypes impact families where parents are gay/lesbian? © All photo clip art copyright of Microsoft Office Online