Understanding Emotional Intelligence (EQ) Becky Sandifer, Phd Certified Executive Coach ExecutiveTalk Solutions I don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them. Oscare Wilde, Irish Writer and Poet – The Picture of Doran Grey.

Road Rage

Mistakes Publicly Exposed

Like Nails on a Chalkboard

What Got You Here Won’t Get You There Marshall Goldsmith

Emotional Intelligence Explained It includes knowing your feelings and using them to make good decisions; managing your feelings well; motivating yourself with zeal and persistence; maintaining hope in the face of frustration; exhibiting empathy and compassion; interacting smoothly; and managing your relationships effectively.

University of Illinois, Aron Barbey We tend to think of reason and emotion as being two different things, but it turns out that there may not be a choice between the heart and the head. A University of Illinois team, led by neuroscience professor Aron Barbey, has made the first detailed 3D map of emotional and general intelligence in the brain, that shows a strong overlap of general and emotional intelligence. Reason and emotions aren’t opposites, but rather two types of intelligence or, perhaps, two aspects of one intelligence. Reason comes under the heading of general intelligence. That covers higher-order mental processes that include reasoning, attention and perception, and memory and language. Emotions are described as emotional intelligence, which takes in perceiving, immediate processing and applying emotional and social content, information and knowledge. There are a number of theories about how general and emotional intelligence are related. One generally accepted view is that they’re associated with different parts of the brain, with general intelligence in the prefrontal cortex and emotions residing in the limbic system, which includes the hippocampus and the amygdala. However, there hasn’t been much empirical evidence to support this idea, and the Illinois study indicates that general and emotional intelligence share a great deal of brain real estate. University of Illinois, Aron Barbey

Personal Competence Self-Awareness Recognize the signs You recognize your own emotions and how they affect your thoughts and behavior, know your strengths and weaknesses, and have self-confidence.

Emotional Intelligence Resource by Travis Bradberry & Jean Greaves

Self-Awareness Strategies Quit treating your emotion as good or bad Observe the ripple effect from your emotions Lean into your discomfort Know who you are and what pushes your buttons Don’t be fooled by a bad mood Don’t be fooled by a good mood, either Stop and ask yourself why you do the things you do Visit your values Check Yourself Spot your emotions in books, movies, tv, and music Seek feedback Get to know yourself under stress Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Travis Bradberry & Jean Greaves

Personal Competence Self-Management Out of control emotions You’re able to control impulsive feelings and behaviors, manage your emotions in healthy ways, take initiative, follow through on commitments, and adapt to changing circumstances.

Self-Management Breathe right Create an emotion vs reason list Make your goals public Count to 10 Sleep on it Talk to a skilled Self-Manager Visualize yourself succeeding Clean up your sleep hygiene Focus your attention on your freedoms, rather than your limitations Speak to someone who is not emotionally invested to your problem Learn a valuable lesson from everyone you encounter Put a mental recharge into your schedule Accept that change is just around the corner

Emotional Hijacking Quick, sudden reaction Very strong emotion In the end, you realize you did something really inappropriate

Social Competence Social Awareness You can understand the emotions, needs, and concerns of other people, pick up on emotional cues, feel comfortable socially, and recognize the power dynamics in a group or organization.

Social Awareness Strategies Greet people by name Make timing everything Develop a Back-pocket question Clear away the clutter Live in the moment Go on a 15-minute tour Practice the art of listening Go People Watching Understand the rule of the culture game Test for accuracy Step into their shoes Seek the whole picture Catch the mood of the room

Social Competence Involves how we: Influence others Communicate Relationship Management Involves how we: Influence others Communicate Resolve conflict Lead Act as a change catalyst Collaborate and cooperate Work in a team

Relationship Management Strategies Enhance your natural communication style Avoid giving mixed signals Take feedback well Build trust Don’t get mad on purpose Don’t avoid the inevitable Complement the person’s emotions or situation When you care, show it Explain your decisions, don’t just make them Make your feedback direct and constructive Align your intention with your impact Offer a “fix-it” statement during a broken conversation Tackle a tough conversation When stoplights aren’t working, it’s every man for himself – avoiding giving mixed signals.

Becky Sandifer, PhD 512-968-5299 beckysandifer@exectalk.net