Chapter 5 Loving Ourselves and Others Key Terms

love A deep and vital emotion that satisfies certain needs, combined with a caring for and acceptance of the beloved and resulting in an intimate relationship. emotion A strong feeling, arising without conscious mental or rational effort, that motivates an individual to behave in certain ways.

legitimate needs Needs that arise in the present rather than out of deficits accumulated din the past. illegitimate needs Needs that arise from feelings of self-doubt, unworthiness and inadequacy.

intimacy An interpersonal process that involves the expressing and sharing of emotions, communication of personal feelings and information, development of shared affection, support, and feeling closely connected with another person together with the willingness to commit oneself to that person despite the need for some personal sacrifices.

consummate love Complete love, that includes intimacy, passion and commitment. love styles Distinctive characteristics or personalities that loving or love like relationships can take.

eros Characterized by intense emotional attachment and powerful sexual feelings or desires. storge Affectionate, companionate style of loving.

pragma Emphasizes the practical element in human relationships. agape Unselfish concern for the beloved’s needs even when this requires some personal sacrifice.

ludus Focuses on love as play or fun. mania Rests on strong sexual attraction and emotional intensity, manic partners are extremely jealous and moody and their need for attention and affection is insatiable.

martyring Maintaining relationships by ignoring one’s own needs while trying to satisfy all of a partner’s needs. manipulating Seeking to control the feelings, attitudes and behavior of your partner in underhanded ways rather than by assertively stating your case.

self-esteem Part of a person’s self-concept. narcissism Characterized by an exaggerated concern with one’s own self-image and how one appears to others, not with one's or others’ true feelings.

interdependence A relationship in which individuals retain a degree of autonomy and sense of self, yet also make commitments to each other. A-frame relationships Partners have a strong couple identity but little individual self-esteem.

H-frame relationships Partners stand virtually alone, each self- sufficient and neither influenced much by the other. M-frame relationships Each partner has adequate self-esteem and partners experience loving as a deep emotion.

attachment theory Holds that during infancy and childhood a young person develops a style of attaching to others.