Dr. Elisabeth Sheff Sheff Consulting Group DragonCon 2012

 PhD Sociology University of Colorado Boulder 2005  15-year longitudinal study of polyamorous families with children  Teaching families and families of sexual minorities to undergraduate and graduate students

 Also called “Argument of the Beard,” “Fallacy of the Beard,” or “Thin Edge of the Wedge”  If we allow something to happen (a), then these other increasingly bad things will inevitably happen (lmnop) until this really super bad thing happens (z) so we can not allow (a) to happen because it would be terrible if (z) happened.

 Multiple partner marriage (polyamory)  Uncles marrying nieces (incest)  People marrying dogs and horses (bestiality)  People marrying cars and toasters (cyborgamy?)

 No, seriously, how?

 Same-sex families are doing fine ◦ Often intentional, sometimes painstakingly constructed ◦ Multiple studies find lesbian and gay families have positive parenting outcomes ◦ When compared to kids in hetero families, kids in same-sex families are very similar except more flexible gender roles and more open to being gay themselves

 Race and class privilege give major advantages from the start  Careful introduction of partners  More resources for parents and kids  Easy to avoid stigma for now

 Families are changing, and have always been changing  The “traditional” family ala Leave it to Beaver was fictitious even then and an exception today  Just more evidence that society is shifting and power could be up for grabs

 A culturally and historically specific form of relationship, not universal  Currently enjoying tremendous popularity  Most likely here to stay at least for while ◦ Most people are heterosexual so same-sex marriage has appeal to limited audience ◦ Polyamory is not for everyone  Can be time consuming and complex  Some monogamous by orientation?

 No longer monogamous in classical sense  Skyrocketing expectations of spouse  Dwindling commitment to permanency  A lot of weight to freight on a relationship cemented solely by the notoriously fickle bonds of romantic love  Why is the presence/absence of a sexual relationship between the adults relevant to parenting the children once they have been conceived?

 In the highly unlikely event that same-sex and poly marriages actually do obliterate monogamous, heterosexual marriage, it will result from the inadequacies of that “traditional” family form, not the “wickedness” of lesbigay and polyamorous families.  We can still treat each other ethically without morality-based rules determining laws ◦ Focus on consent not religion