Chapter 31 Choosing Marriage Section 1: The Engagement Section 2: Making Wedding Plans

The Engagement Definition: (in the dictionary)- attracted, involved, intermeshed “a promise or intention to marry” Purposes of engagement period: Prepare for the wedding Prepare for marriage Working towards a transition from “me” to “we”

Engagement Learning about each other (the book) Identifying differences (the book) Developing teamwork Establishing new relationships- family, friends, children Seeking advice- premarital counseling

Broken engagements 1/3 of all engagements don’t result in marriage Can be difficult but… whatever the difficulties of a broken engagement, they are far less than those of a troubled marriage or divorce

Making Wedding plans A ceremony with significance- religious, family, friends Contracts and customs Contract- binding agreement between two or more people Laws: marriage has restrictions on minimum age, mental soundness, certain diseases, blood ties (cousins) A license to marry is issued by the state 30 days before, sometimes with a blood test

Prenuptial Agreements Partners can write them on any issues they wish but are usually about: Protecting property within marriage Establishing ownership in case of marital breakup Defining roles, rights, and duties of each partner

Customs Rings- unending circle, gold- value, strength, and enduring quality Engagement parties and showers- given by family and friends to celebrate Bad luck to see each other Vows- promises in front of friends, family and God (if religious) Bride’s maids & Groom’s men- help the couple, and “stand up” for them

Wedding Concerns Finances Conflicts Traditionally her parents pay Now it is more common to split 2 (both parents) or 3 (the couple also contributes) ways. Conflicts Pleasing family (especially if they are paying) Photos & seating

Chapter 32 Building a Strong Marriage What make a marriage strong? Realistic expectations Commitment-desire to make marriage work Acceptance Flexibility Thoughtfulness U-shaped satisfaction curve- highs and lows of marriage satisfaction

Skills and Resources in Marriage Communication Conflict resolution Sharing intimacy Sharing decisions Common values Managing resources Spend time together

Resources for Married Couples Family and friends Marriage enrichment- religious or “retreat” Counseling

The Hard Questions-Susan Piver With a partner- choose 2 “chapters” to analyze Should agree or the relationship won’t work should discuss but different answers wouldn’t really matter wouldn’t even need to discuss would probably have come up in dating