Donna Kain Business Writing Workshop Frank Hurley and Donna Kain

Donna Kain What is style? Why does it matter? What considerations does style include? Strategies and Tips

Donna Kain Writing with powerful, effective sentences:  Project a “you” attitude (“you” is the reader)  Recognize and eliminate wordiness and jargon  Detangle nominalizations  Fix vague references to sharpen meaning  Choose the right words and delete the fluff Strategies and Tips

Donna Kain Writing free of errors that interfere with reader comprehension:  Use punctuation correctly to avoid confusion.  Choose the right word from confusing pairs such as discretely/discreetly and affect/effect. Strategies and Tips

Donna Kain Remember the 4 “Cs” CCC C Be Considerate, Clear, Concise, and Correct. Strategies and Tips

Donna Kain Adopt a "you attitude." Emphasize what readers want or need to know and from their perspective. (Audience!!) I Draft: I have requested that your order be sent out today. You Your Revision: You will receive your order by Wednesday. (or Your order will ship today.)

Donna Kain Focus on the real subject. Don't hiding key words or phrases behind a weak subject. Draft: The implementation of the new marketing campaign will begin on June 1. Revision: The new marketing campaign will begin on June 1.

Donna Kain Avoid using noun forms of verbs (nominalizations). Draft: The presentation of the arguments by the plant manager was convincing. Revision: The plant manager presented her arguments convincingly. Or...The plant manager argued convincingly.

Donna Kain A “nominalization” (a verb turned into a noun) is weak subject. Draft: The implementation of the new marketing campaign will begin on June 1. Revision: The new marketing campaign will begin on June 1.

Donna Kain Avoid empty or vague openings (“There is/are…” “It is…”) Wordy: There was a flaw in the fabrication of the widget that was causing a problem with the gizmos. Revised: A flaw in the widget fabrication caused a problem with the gizmos. Wordy: There are two shipments that are due in today. Revised: Two shipments are due today.

Donna Kain Use strong verbs and eliminate “to be” (is, are, was, were) whenever possible. was was Wordy: There was a flaw in the fabrication of the widget that was causing a problem with the gizmos. Revised: A flaw in the widget fabrication caused a problem with the gizmos. are are Wordy: There are two shipments that are due in today. are Revised: Two shipments are due today.

Donna Kain Eliminate other vague words.  Replace vague pronoun references—“this,” “that,” “it,” “those,” “these” with more concrete words and/or phrases to which pronouns actually refer.  Other vague references—“things,” “something,” “stuff,” “certain actions”  Negative constructions—sentences that include “not” more difficult for people to read and they often miss the word “not.”

Donna Kain Draft: We are not going to put the new products on the line until the end of the month. Revision: We will put the new products on the line at the end of the month. Draft: There is something wrong with the invoice. Revision: The invoice is incorrect.

Donna Kain Draft: I sent Fred the spreadsheet for corrections yesterday and copied Bill so he could provide additional instructions. He said this was all he needed. Revision: I sent Fred the spreadsheet for corrections yesterday and copied Bill so he could provide additional instructions. Bill said the spreadsheet was all Fred needed.

Donna Kain Write actively, not passively. Wherever possible, put your subject up front and make it do something. The active voice generally works better than the passive because it's more direct, more concise, and easier to understand. (But not always.)

Donna Kain Write actively, not passively. was was Draft: The proposal was reviewed at our meeting on April 1, and it was immediately submitted to the developers. ( Who reviewed and submitted the proposal?) Revision: We reviewed the proposal on April 1 and immediately submitted it to the developers.

Donna Kain Write actively, not passively. It was reported by Draft: It was reported by the testing staff that the new model is defective. Revision: The testing staff reported that the new model is defective.

Donna Kain Cut unnecessary words and phrases that may distract readers. I am writing this note to that was held Draft: I am writing this note to thank you very much for organizing the open house that was held last Thursday. Revision: Thank you very much for organizing last Thursday's open house.

Donna Kain Cut common redundancies Absolutely essential Each and every or each and every Basic necessities plan in advance Completely eliminate Final outcome “when and if…” Which one? Which one?

Donna Kain Cut common redundancies past experience same exact or same exact present time still remains ultimate goal whether or not

Donna Kain Cut common empty phrases as a matter of fact in the event of in the final analysis at the present time what I want to make clear for the purposes of

Donna Kain And the most frequent…. due to the fact that in order to

Donna Kain …can be reduced to one word. Because (Due to the fact that) To (In order to)

Donna Kain Due to the fact that Death could not stop for me, in order to be kind, I stopped for him. Because I could not stop for Death, he kindly stopped for me. * *Emily Dickensen

Donna Kain In order to be, or not to be, that is the question. To be or not to be, that is the question.* *William Shakespeare

Donna Kain But seriously, cut common empty phrases. In order to Draft: In order to ensure compliance with regulations, there will be a new exit sign installed. Revision: To comply with regulations, we will install a new exit sign.

Donna Kain Due to Draft: Due to the need for extra security, a metal detector was installed in the warehouse. Revision: We installed a metal detector in the warehouse for extra security. Or: We installed a metal detector in the warehouse because we need extra security.

Donna Kain Look for prepositions (the “little” words) to locate wordiness Wordy: She is of service to her community. Revised: She serves her community. Wordy: We will end the presentation with comments from Mr. Davies. Revised: Mr. Davies' comments will end the presentation.

Donna Kain Don't leave out key words. To be clear as well as concise, we sometimes need to add a word or two. Draft: The storage shed is the first step. Revision: Unlocking the storage shed is the first step.

Donna Kain Don't leave out key words. We don’t write like we talk OR like we text. Draft: Pls check Craigavon June invoices & send Fred info prior next tues. Call when U R thru Revision: Please check the Craigavon June invoices for the bank charges and send Fred the information before next Tuesday, 8/21/2012. Call me when you’re finished.

Donna Kain Avoid outdated expressions and buzzwords.

Donna Kain Avoid outdated expressions, particularly words and phrases that are never used in conversation (except by lawyers) Enclosed (or attached) please find…. Attached herewith… This is to advise you As per your request Please do not use the word “utilize.” Use the word “use.”

Donna Kain Avoid outdated expressions. Draft: Attached herein for your reference is a duplicated version of the aforementioned invoice. Revision: I have included (attached) a copy of the invoice.

Donna Kain Go easy on the buzzwords/phrases. “thinking outside the box” “value-added” “paradigm shift” “go to the next level.” “synergies”

Donna Kain Avoid “stacking” Modifiers Wordy: We are a forward-looking future-oriented group with a very significant stake in the decisions and choices that the company makes. Revised: Our group has a significant stake in the company’s decisions about the future.

Donna Kain Remember what your mother said… Include "please" and "thank you” in your s. Draft: Send me the jargon report before you head home. Revision: Please send me the jargon report before you head home.

The Writer’s Diet—Test your Text (For fun)

Report on the “flab”

Donna Kain 4 Cs Don’t forget the 4 Cs !! (see if you can remember them now)