© 2003 Prentice Hall dr1 Drafting and Revising

© 2003 Prentice Hall dr2 THREE WAYS TO DRAFT Get started. Don’t wait until you have every detail. Your plan is likely to change as you write. Remember that this is a first draft. There will be a second draft, and perhaps a third or fourth. Press on. Don’t try to solve every problem as you go. After planning, you are ready to write.

© 2003 Prentice Hall dr3 WRITE A DISCOVERY DRAFT Put aside all your notes from planning and shaping. As you write, be open to discovering ideas and making connections. When you finish a Discovery Draft, you can use it as your first draft or as part of your notes.

© 2003 Prentice Hall dr4 WRITE A STRUCTURED FIRST DRAFT Use your notes from planning and shaping as you write. Work through all of your material. Draft either the entire essay or one or two paragraphs at a time, depending on the length of your essay.

© 2003 Prentice Hall dr5 COMBINE APPROACHES When you know the shape of the material, write according to that structure. When you feel stuck about what to say next, switch to writing as you would for a Discovery Draft.

© 2003 Prentice Hall dr6 HOW CAN YOU GET THE PERSPECTIVE TO REVISE YOUR ESSAY WELL? Use an outline to revise: number each paragraph, then write a word/phrase that summarizes the paragraph. If you cannot summarize it, you probably have too many ideas in one paragraph. Ask yourself: –What central idea (thesis) do your phrases add up to? –Are there repetitions of ideas?

© 2003 Prentice Hall dr7 REVISING FOR EVIDENCE AND DETAIL While one early draft may be a profusion of detail without order, another may be fairly well organized, but empty, lacking concrete detail or evidence. Remember that your reader can’t follow you to your conclusion if you haven’t given them enough of the evidence that got you there. Read your copy of the first draft of “Role Your Own” and ask yourself: –What points need to be expanded? –What key assertions go unsupported?

© 2003 Prentice Hall dr8 “ROLE YOUR OWN” Anne was a young girl with two children. Pregnant with her first at sixteen, she dropped out of school. At this point it was obvious her life was going to have some drastic change. She would not graduate from high school as her friends would. With no job, she lived off welfare in a tenement. After two years, she had a second child. This one she sold on the black market. Anne had lost all sense of direction in her life. What she was living with was a role she hated. She wanted to make a change in her life, but couldn’t.

© 2003 Prentice Hall dr9 “ROLE YOUR OWN” (con’t) Though society may dictate roles to those who have no identity of their own, with time and thought, one can choose his (or her) own role. Some people may show this in a large and obvious way. Others do it a little at a time. My first two years in high school were a complete disaster. I was not happy in the schools I was placed in. I skipped a lot of classes and was labeled a delinquent. Then I went through a metamorphosis. I went to a new school where I proved that an individual, along with a little help from friends, can pull him/herself together and take on a new and better role.

© 2003 Prentice Hall dr10 “ROLE YOUR OWN” (con’t) In the film, Diner, Beth is what the society of her time (the fifties) considered a “fulfilled woman” because she was married. At that time the role of women was on the verge of change with still a long way to go. Women were not nearly as career- minded and rights-oriented as their sixties counterparts were to become. Instead, a woman’s aspiration was to be married. But Beth is not so sure this is her aspiration. She questions her status.

© 2003 Prentice Hall dr11 “ROLE YOUR OWN” (con’t) Women are a prime example of how a group of people’s roles can change with time and thought. Up until recently, women had limited rights and specific duties. Then, there seemed to be an awakening consciousness to the opportunities that could exist for women. Maybe Beth couldn’t change; perhaps she lived too early. But I changed and so did Anne, who went on to become an investment broker. Once a person can realize what is most important to them in life, they can begin to mold their own role outside of what society may expect of them.

© 2003 Prentice Hall dr12 A STRATEGY FOR REVISING “ROLE YOUR OWN” Standing back and looking critically at her draft, the author underlines assertions she thinks need to be made more concrete or supported with more evidence. She also notices a number of [clichés], which she brackets []. Her revision will concentrate on these passages.

© 2003 Prentice Hall dr13 REVISING “ROLE YOUR OWN” 1.Anne was a young girl with two children. Pregnant with her first at sixteen, she dropped out of school. At this point it was obvious her life was going to have some drastic change. She would not graduate from high school as her friends would. With no job, she lived off welfare in a tenement. After two years, she had a second child. This one she sold on the black market. Anne had [lost all sense of direction] in her life. What she was living with was a role she hated. She wanted to make a change in her life, but couldn’t.

© 2003 Prentice Hall dr14 REVISING “ROLE YOUR OWN” (con’t) 2.Though society may dictate roles to those who have no identity of their own, with time and thought, one can choose his (or her) own role. Some people may show this in a large and obvious way. Others do it a little at a time. 3.My first two years in high school were [a complete disaster]. I was not happy in the schools I was placed in. I skipped a lot of classes and was labeled a delinquent. Then I went through a metamorphosis. I went to a new school where I proved that an individual, along [with a little help from friends], can [pull him/herself together] and take on a new and better role.

© 2003 Prentice Hall dr15 REVISING “ROLE YOUR OWN” (con’t) 4.In the film, Diner, Beth is what the society of her time (the fifties) considered a “fulfilled woman” because she was married. At that time the role of women was on the verge of change with still a long way to go. Women were not nearly as career-minded and rights-oriented as their sixties counterparts were to become. Instead, a woman’s aspiration was to be married. But Beth is not so sure this is her aspiration. She questions her status.

© 2003 Prentice Hall dr16 REVISING “ROLE YOUR OWN” (con’t) 5.Women are a prime example of how a group of people’s roles can change with time and thought. Up until recently, women had limited rights and specific duties. Then, there seemed to be an awakening consciousness to the opportunities that could exist for women. Maybe Beth couldn’t change; perhaps she lived too early. But I changed and so did Anne, who went on to become an investment broker. Once a person can [realize what is most important to them in life], they can begin to mold their own role outside of what society may expect of them.

© 2003 Prentice Hall dr17 WILLIAM GLACKENS’ FAMILY GROUP

© 2003 Prentice Hall dr18 SPRINGBOARD FOR WRITING: DRAFTING AND REVISING William Glackens ( ) is normally associated with a school of American artists whose work was to formal portraiture as candid snapshots are to carefully posed studio photographs. They tried to present their subjects “as is” rather than idealizing them. Here Glackens presents a family group, though one of the women may be a visitor. What does his candid technique reveal about how the members of this group relate to each other and to the person observing them?

© 2003 Prentice Hall dr19 PLANNING AND SHAPING Use single words or phrases to describe the following clues about how the people assembled relate to each other : –Is the painter part of the group? –What social/economic class do the people belong to? –Time period? –What might have brought them together? Are they a family? –What might they be talking about? –Don’t censor out what occurs to you. Review your list of details. Write out a generalization in the form of an assertion or claim, about the family, the occasion or the painter.

© 2003 Prentice Hall dr20 DRAFTING Write your assertion out at the top of a new sheet of paper. Write a draft of a paragraph supporting your assertion. Include as many details from your list as you can, and explain how they support your assertion.

© 2003 Prentice Hall dr21 REVISING DETAIL: How have the details you mentioned help support your central assertion about the painting? ORGANIZATION: Is your paragraph organized? Coherent? Does the paragraph need re- organizing? WORD CHOICE: Are your words precise? Replace any fuzzy words with more precise ones.

© 2003 Prentice Hall dr22 EDITING Review your paragraph for correctness of sentence structure, grammar, spelling and punctuation. Make any necessary changes.