Julie Keown-Bomar UW-Extension Eau Claire County Get the Facts— Communicating with Teens

Parent Influence! Effective Family Communication is proven to be a preventative factor for Smoking, drinking, and other drug use Teen pregnancy Suicide

Shattering the Myths About Communication Myth: Talking about sex, drugs, contraception and other issues will encourage kids to engage in those activities Fact: Research indicates families in which parents are open and attentive in discussing sexuality are LESS likely to have children who engage in sex. Having conversations with parents and caregivers will make it easier for them to delay sexual activity and decide against drug use.

Myth: Parents should leave these conversations up to others Fact: Parents are the single most important factor on their child’s decisions about risky behavior Myth: It’s better to wait until they ask questions Fact: Your child is absorbing information all the time, often from unreliable or questionable sources. They need and want to know what a parent thinks and what the limits are.

Communication hints Listen more than talk Don’t allow anger to end the conversation Take a break What is your child not saying? Take the initiative to ask Don’t interrupt and reserve judgment until your child has finished

I-Centered Messages “ I’m sorry you saw those movies because that’s just not the way sex really is for most people.” “I’m glad you overheard that conversation because I’ve been wanting to talk to you about this but I didn’t know how to bring it up.” “When I heard Ben talking that way, it really upset me because I think his attitude towards girls is pretty pathetic.”

Door Openers “I’m very concerned that…” “I understand that it is sometimes difficult…” “Tell me about..” “Help me understand…”

Door Closers “If I were you…” “When I was your age..” “You” messages You’re impossible

Other communication tips Give lots of praise Catch them doing something right Helps to build self-esteem Helps build confidence to trust their own judgment Make sure you understand what your child says Repeat back what they said then ask, “Am I understanding this correctly”? Active Talk Engage with your son while doing something: fishing, hunting, shooting hoops

Practice with your kids What would you do if your friend was a bully? How can you say no to your friends if they offer you alcohol? Role play Let them come up with strategies

Teachable moments Family cooking Family meals Television Reading newspaper Incidents at school Billboards Facebook Commercials Media critic

Other protective factors besides communication Clear boundaries with consistent, reasonable consequences Parental monitoring Mentors High expectations Involvement –”Hands On Parenting” Consistent, fair discipline (to teach)

Living with Teens Teenagers want to know how far they can go Tolerance is essential, but not everything goes Decide what matters Impose limits Reasonable and realistic Be willing to discuss issues Don’t be nagged or bullied