Lessons in Style Appendix A.1-A.10

Appendix A.1: Active Sentences The writer sent the letter through the mail. Sentence: Subject, verb, complete thought

Active Sentence The writer sent the letter through the mail. Subject—writer Actor in sentence Performs action of verb

Passive Sentence The letter was sent by the writer through the mail. Subject—Letter Acted upon in the sentence Receives the action of the verb

Another Example The company sold stock. Stock was sold by the company. Which is clearer and more concise, active or passive voice?

Exceptions Ken Park decided that we should go on strike. A decision was made to go on strike. Farmers grew this corn in Illinois. This corn was grown in Illinois.

Additional Examples All the necessary forms have been received by the social worker. A dosage of 150 mg. of Imipramine is taken by the patient daily.

Appendix A.2: Keeping Subject and Verb Together Generally, the most important relationship in a sentence is between subject and verb. For that reason, they should be kept as close together as possible.

Examples John, because he has done such good work this year, has been promoted. The computer, which is out of hard drive space because of the new program, malfunctions frequently. The policy, unfair because of its emphasis on overtime, angered the employees.

Because he has done such a good job this year, Bob has been promoted. The computer malfunctions frequently because the new program has exceeded the hard drive space. The policy angered the employees because of its unfair emphasis on overtime.

Appendix A.3: Put Modifiers Next to What They Modify A modifier is a word or a phrase that makes another word or phrase more specific by limiting or qualifying its sense Examples: red car, blue flower Bill wrote a very important report. The letter that was sent explains the details.

Modifier Errors Dangling Modifier—word or phrase that modifies a word not clearly stated in the sentence Misplaced Modifier—modifiers placed too far from the words they are modifying

General Rule Put modifiers next to what they modify (or at least as close as possible) The company indicated that I would receive a refund in the letter. The company indicated in the letter that I would receive a refund.

Examples Sometimes it is profitable to buy an older home in a nice neighborhood that needs a lot of repairs. While welding a butt joint, several rules must be remembered. Looking through last week’s reports, inventory was down. Placed in a window opening, office workers can be kept comfortable by an air conditioning unit of even moderate size.

Appendix A.4: Adjust Long Sentences The more you pack into a sentence, the harder it is for the reader to process. Maintain an average of no more than twenty words per sentence.

Methods for Adjusting Long Sentences Separate long sentences into shorter sentences. Incorporate a list, using bullets or numbers.

Example Used extensively and considered a general-purpose welding rod, RG-65 gas welding rods are of low-alloy composition and may be used to weld pipes for power plants, for process piping, and under severe service conditions, and produce very good welds (50,000 to 65,000 psi) in such materials as carbon steels, low-alloy steels, and wrought iron.

OR . . . . The RG-65 is a general-purpose gas welding rod made of low-alloy composition. It functions under severe service conditions and is used extensively in welding pipes for power plants and in process piping. It produces very good welds (50,000 to 65,000 psi) in such materials as carbon steels, low-alloy steels, and wrought iron.

Lack of fusion in welding may be caused by an incorrect current adjustment, an improper electrode size or type, dirty plate surfaces, failure to raise to the melting point the temperature of the base metal or the previously deposited weld metal, or improper fluxing, which fails to dissolve the oxide and other foreign material from surfaces to which the deposited metal is intended to fuse.

OR . . . . Lack of fusion in welding may be caused by the following: incorrect current adjustment, improper electrode size or type, dirty plate surfaces, failure to raise the temperature of the base metal or the previously deposited weld metal to the melting point, or improper fluxing, which fails to dissolve the oxide and other foreign material from surfaces to which the deposited metal is intended to fuse.

Parallel Structure—consistent construction or words, phrases, or sentences Lack of fusion in welding may be caused by the following: incorrectly adjusting current, improper electrode size or type, having dirty plate surfaces, failure to raise the temperature of the base metal or the previously deposited weld metal to the melting point, or you have improper fluxing, which fails to dissolve the oxide and other foreign material from surfaces to which the deposited metal is intended to fuse.

Appendix A.5: Use Transitions Transitions—words or phrases that serve as links between sentence parts, whole sentences, or paragraphs Purpose: to clarify the direction of your train of thought

Types of Transitions (Conjunctive Adverbs) Additional Information Exemplification Explanation Similarity Contrast Cause and Effect Emphasis Summary

Example Wilson Brothers Plumbing submitted a bid of $10,000 for the project. Therefore, we hired the company to install new pipes. Wilson Brothers Plumbing submitted a bid of $10,000 for the project. Nevertheless, we hired the company to install new pipes.

Amid much controversy, war with Iraq seems imminent Amid much controversy, war with Iraq seems imminent. ___________, it is important that we support our troops. Oswald studied late last night for his big test. ____________, he did not do well.

Punctuating Transitions Between Sentences This is a major obstacle to continued growth and product development. It is the single biggest problem facing the company. This is a major obstacle to continued growth and product development, in fact, it is the single biggest problem facing the company.

Coordinating Conjunctions And But Or Nor For So Yet

Punctuating Between Sentences with Coordinating Conjunctions We have been covering summaries in class this week, but your summary is not due until next week. You may resubmit your assignments for a higher grade, or you may choose to keep the first grade you earn.

Appendix A.6: Eliminating Clutter The bottom line: Use no more words than necessary. “I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.” --Blaise Pascal

Unnecessary Introductions As I look back on what I have said in this memo, it seems as if we have the potential to succeed. For all practical purposes, we cannot continue to operate. In this day and age, we cannot afford complacency.

Submerged Verbs Verbs that have been hidden as another part of speech, usually a noun (nominalization). Conduct an investigation Bring about an end Initiate contact

Long-Winded Phrases At this point in time = In many instances = Upon the condition = Enclosed herein = In this day an age = With the exception of =

Obvious Modifiers Red in color Past history Future prospects Few in number Annual fundraiser each year

Repetitious Wording Our business must earn a profit this quarter. In addition, our business needs to conduct research into new products. We also should implement an investigation of new markets. Our business must earn a profit this quarter, research new products, and investigate new markets.

Examples In the event that the conductor becomes hot, shut down the unit. This airbrush has a tendency to leak. Fire drills are important because fire drills provide students with practice in emergency evacuation procedures that they will have to know in the event of an actual fire. The Desert Storm war was relatively brief in duration. Prior to entering the factory, please sign the visitors’ log book.

Appendix 7: Use Simple Language In general, don’t use big, fancy words when short, common ones will do the job. Advantages: understood more quickly by more readers; less chance of misuse or misspelling But, choose your words with the reader in mind (e.g. technical terms).

Examples Remunerate = Endeavor = Terminate = Customary = Germane = Solicit =

Appendix 8: Avoid Clichés Clichés are overused expressions. Once catchy and clever, clichés have lost their effectiveness through overuse. Clichés should be avoided in writing because they may strike the reader as shallow and predictable and they may not be taken seriously.

Examples Between a rock and a hard place Beyond the shadow of a doubt Few and far between In the final analysis Let bygones be bygones Needless to say A rude awakening

Appendix A:9 Using Numbers Correctly Use words for zero to nine. Use words or numerals for numbers that can be expressed in one or two words (45 or forty-five). Use numerals for numbers that would require more than two words (127 instead of one hundred twenty-seven).

Never begin a sentence with a numeral (spell out the number or move it in the sentence). For very large numbers, combine numerals and words (100 million). Combine numbers and words to prevent misreading (three 6-inch screws instead of 3 6 inch screws). Be consistent in how you use numbers.

Use numerals for all statistical data. Ages and addresses Dates and times Exact amounts of money Fractions and decimals Identification numbers Measurements Page numbers Percentages, ratios, proportions Scores

A test of thirty one control valves at a major factory revealed more than seventy significant operating deficiencies, and in another series of tests conducted on a random sample of 60 control valves, 88 percent exhibited substandard performance.

This machine offers a calculated mean time between failures (MTBF) above one hundred thousand hours, or more than eleven years if used twenty-four hours per day, three hundred and sixty five days per year.

In nineteen ninety three, a one hundred and eighty foot long, three hundred and twenty eight ton replacement span for the historic Grosse Island Bridge in Michigan was set in place in one piece, using the “sinking bridge” method.

The population of the United States is now more than two hundred fifty billion. The temperature in Death Valley often exceeds one hundred degrees.

Appendix 10: Revise Sexist Language Sexist Language (Gender-Biased Language)—language that unfairly or inaccurately stereotypes men’s and women’s roles. Principles: Language should reflect social realities. Language should reflect an awareness of audience.

Guidelines Avoid using the generic “he.” Every welder must sign his name on the log-in sheet before beginning his shift. Avoid language that unnecessarily identifies or emphasizes gender. Mr. Jones, Miss Gomez, and Mrs. Ching will be assigned to the budget committees.

Avoid language that assumes traditional male and female roles. Lollipop Nursery School requests that each child’s mother help out at the school at least one lunch hour per month. It will take twelve workmen to complete this job on time.

Methods for Avoiding Gender-Biased Language Eliminate the gender reference Each welder must sign the log-in sheet before beginning work. Ching, Gomez, and Jones will be assigned to the budget committee. Lollipop Nursery School requests that at least one parent of each child help out at the school at least one lunch hour per month.

Use gender-neutral job titles Use he or she Use a plural reference Welders must sign the log-in sheet before beginning their shifts. Use gender-neutral job titles Mail carriers, police officer, firefighter, etc. Use he or she Each welder must sign the log-in sheet before beginning his or her shift.