1 Stop the Bickering! Getting a Handle on Sibling Rivalry Zoë Mount, MFT

2 Agenda Why do siblings fight? Common techniques parents use and alternatives Tips Competition Alternative avenues for expression Helpful phrases Q&A

3 Why do siblings fight? Get Attention! Keep their position in the family Assure themselves that they’re loved

4 Techniques Common “I don’t care who started it” Alternative “I’m sure you can settle it yourselves” I won! I lost Our parents have faith in our abilities.

5 Techniques Common “I love you both the same” Alternative “I love you for who you are” (no mention of sibling) I’m not loved for myself She loves me for me!

6 Techniques Common “You know you don’t mean that” Alternative “It sounds like you’re very upset right now” Yes I do! You don’t understand! You get it!

7 Tips Never make comparisons You are always safe staying with feelings Avoid labels

8 Solution focused meetings Good for child/child complaints as well as parent/child issues Call family together Explain problem in non-blaming terms Write down all possible solutions with no judgment Go through final list and find most workable solution

9 Competition: some thoughts Benefits Kids work harder Kids ‘push’ each other

10 Competition: more thoughts Drawbacks Children will fight Children will feel less secure

11 Competition: final thoughts Cooperation reduces bickering, increases harmony. Try Emphasizing working as team De-emphasizing win-lose scenarios

12 Alternative avenues for expression Both children and parents can: Draw Write Play

13 Helpful phrases for parents “It sounds like you’re feeling….” “I bet you wish….” “I know you can…”

14 Q & A

15 A copy of this presentation This presentation is available on the web at for your future reference.