Working Successfully with Teens It’s not about giving advice. It’s about listening.

Agenda Attending Skills Active Listening The Mentoring Aspect Self-Image and Self-Esteem Student Learning Questions and Answers

About Me Graduate of Wilfrid Laurier University BBA program, 1999 Involved with literacy since 1993 and Frontier College since 1995, first as a volunteer and then an employee Started North Bay program in 2001 and Sudbury program in 2002 Graduate of Collège Boréal French as a Second Language program, 2004

Contact Information Lorna Corzine (705)

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Attending Skills Attending is paying close attention to what someone else says and does, including verbal and non-verbal cues. Face the person Make eye contact Open posture Ignore distractions Use encouragers Show empathy

Non-Verbal Cues Appendix A, Exercise 1 with chart in Appendix B

Active Listening To be an active listener, you must be open- minded and focussed on the person with whom you are speaking. You must keep in mind that you should talk very little, reserve judgement, and refrain from giving advice. The focus of the discussion should be on encouraging the student to talk. - Cheryl Brackenbury

Ten Commandments for Good Listening - Roger Harp 1. Stop talking! 2. Respond to their feelings 3. Remove distraction and use attending skills 4. Ask open questions 5. Be patient! 6. Clarify 7. Summarize 8. Go easy on argument and criticism 9. Avoid statements of reassurance 10. Use the five-step approach to help them develop a solution

2. Respond to their feelings Appendix A, Exercise 2

4. Ask open questions There are four types of questions: 1. Open 2. Closed 3. Informational 4. Feeling Appendix A, Exercise 3

6&7. Clarify and Summarize Demonstrates interest Helps you follow along Condense a longer story into main points Allows easier evaluation of the problem

8&9. Go easy on argument - modified from Cheryl Brackenbury 1. Advising “Why don’t you …” 2. Moralizing “ You should …” 3. Ordering “You have to …” 4. Warning “You’d better, or else …” 5. Arguing “Yes, but …” 6. Criticizing “You’re too …” 7. Praising “You’re the best …” 8. Teasing “What a ‘browner’.” 9. Analyzing “You’re acting this way because …” 10. Sympathizing “I know just how you feel.” 11. Changing the subject “Let’s not talk about that”

10. Problem Solving - Roger Harp 1. What is the problem? 2. What have you tried? 3. What else could you try? 4. What is your plan? 5. How did it go?

The Mentoring Aspect Mentoring is about listening and role- modelling; it is not counselling or advice- giving. Set an example and follow the rules: clothes, piercing, electronics, and behaviour.

The fine line: tutor vs. buddy Include a short discussion time – 5 minutes at the beginning of each session. This develops a good rapport and encourages the student to return. Be sure to return to studies after the designed time. Use listening and problem solving techniques when the problem is relatively small. Redirect the student to school/organization counsellors if the problem is larger.

Self-Image and Self-Esteem It is important when dealing with children to recognize and help develop their self-image and self-esteem in a positive manner.

The Steps to Self-Esteem - Roger Harp Developed by: 1.Self-image How we feel about ourselves Our inner mirror How we see ourselves 2. Self-ideal Who we want to be Dreams, expectations, and goals 3. Self-concept How we judge ourselves 4. Self-esteem A good opinion of oneself Successes and failures Praise and criticism Acceptance and rejection Role models Encouragement received Does self-image match self-ideal Reasonable goals? SM=SD=SC for extended time =SE

You and I Statements - Cheryl Brackenbury “I” Statements: Positive Do not put down or blame Describe feelings Encourage communication Three parts: 1. Statement of feelings “I feel …” 2. Statement of fact “when you …” 3. Observed result “because” Appendix A, Exercise 4

Student Learning Appendix B

Questions and Answers What are YOUR biggest teen fears?