Chapter 3: Family Communication, Conflict, and Forgiveness

The Communication Process Transactional Process – one in which we simultaneously affect and are affected by our intimate relations Focus is on the interconnectedness of the relationship

Family Systems Theory Views the family as an interconnected system Developed by Murray Bowen

Family Systems Theory Family System is a dynamic entity that consists of various individuals and their interconnected, intergenerational patterns of interaction. The primary function is to bring the parts together and arrange them into a whole, organized entity.

Figure 3.1: Virginia Satir’s Concept of the Family as a Mobile

Key Concepts of Systems Framework Interconnecting – family members affect and are affected by each other Looking at the whole – individual members’ behavior can only be understood by looking at the whole

Key Concepts of Systems Framework Establishing boundaries – every system has some border between it and its environment Closed boundaries: no information in or out Open boundaries: information is unobstructed, families lose identity Maintaining balance – families work to achieve and maintain homeostasis

Figure 3.2: Types of Boundaries

Circumplex Model of Marital and Family Systems Addresses family cohesion, adaptability, and communication Assesses family’s level of functioning

Figure 3.3: Olson’s Circumplex Model of Family Functioning

Creating Rules for Communication What we can and cannot talk about Feelings that are allowed to be shared Decision making How we can talk about it Communication strategy

Table 3.1: Cultural Competence: Enhancing Cultural Communication Skills

Table 3.1: Cultural Competence: Enhancing Cultural Communication Skills

Symbolic Interaction Framework All human behavior revolves around social behavior where there is an exchange of messages and symbolic meanings between actors. Symbols: used to share meanings Roles: a system of meanings Role strain – competing demands from multiple roles Role conflict – conflicting role pressures

Types of Communication Communication: the process of making and sharing meanings Transaction: parties act as senders and receivers of information Process: dynamic and ever changing Involves Co-Construction: constructing definitions Involves Symbols: used to construct meanings and definitions

Verbal Communication Exchanges of thoughts, messages, or information through the spoken word Fundamental Processes of Verbal Communication: Communication Effectiveness Perceptual Accuracy Predictive Accuracy Interpersonal Cognitive Complexity

Table 3.2: Verbal Communication Processes

Nonverbal Communication Emotional communication gestures and movements that convey our emotions Occurs with or without the spoken word Includes facial expressions, motions of the body, eye contact, patterns of touch, expressive movements, hand gestures and more

Relational and Non-relational Messages Relational – those having something to do with the partnership Non-relational – those dealing with issues or topics outside of the relationship Decoding – interpreting the unspoken exchanges

Types of Emotional Messages Positive Emotional Messages Love, pleasure, affection Negative Emotional Messages Anger and irritation Neutral Emotional Messages Non-specific, ambiguous, hard to interpret

Private Couple Meanings Special interaction between partners Predictive in nature Based on information that only partners share with one another

Conflict in Relationships Areas of conflict: Money matters Division of household labor Sex Tremendous trifles

Constructive Conflict Constructive Conflict – builds relationships and fosters loyalty, commitment and intimacy How couples handle conflict determines marital longevity

Regulated Couples Use communication patterns that promote closeness and intimacy Validating Couple: empathetic, supportive, seldom express negative emotions Volatile Couple: charged with intense emotion, passion, romance, intense disputes but remain intimately connected Conflict-Minimizing Couple: avoid conflict, minimize significance of trouble, conflict kept below the surface

Non-regulated Couples Have difficulty resolving conflicts, interactions far more negative Criticism: involves attack on the partner Defensiveness: criticism/defend pattern becomes a cycle of negativity Contempt: disrespect, scorn, hatred Stonewalling: communication between partners shuts down

Destructive Conflict May be overt or covert Denial: when words and actions do not match Disqualification: when a person covers-up an expressed emotion Displacement: when a person takes out anger on someone else Disengaged: no emotional closeness Pseudo-mutuality: false closeness with underlying anger and hostility

Functional and Nurturing Communication Functional Communication Addresses the important functions of daily life Nurturing Communication Conveys intimacy, caring, recognition and validation of family members

Cornerstones of Communication Developing Relational Cultures Relational culture is a framework of understandings Coordinate attitudes, actions and identities of the couple and family

Cornerstones of Communication Confirming messages and responses Acknowledgement of the other person Willingness to be involved in the relationship Recognition: confirming and acknowledging, may be verbal or nonverbal Confirming: simple recognition and acceptance of one another Acceptance: every family feels they belong

Cornerstones of Communication Self-disclosure – voluntarily sharing personal information Self-disclosure Increases as relational intimacy increases Increases when there are rewards Tends to be reciprocal Increases relational satisfaction

Cornerstones of Communication Communicate often Family communication can be enhanced or hindered by the time spent in the process of communication Family meetings provide structure and organization to the family system

Cornerstones of Communication Listen actively means actually hearing what the other person is saying reflective listening means paying attention to verbal and nonverbal messages

Table 3.3: Poor Listening Styles

Cornerstones of Communication Use humor Laughing produces endorphins which relax and calm us Laughter and humor provide a way to relieve stress in certain situations Humor brings people together and helps keep things in perspective

Table 3.4: Rank Ordering of the Forgiveness Process by Study Participants