1 Quotes

2 Definition A Help Desk is a generic name typically associated with the end user support center. Increasingly, the Help desk is being seen as an integral part of the service function, responsible for bringing multiple resources to bear to solve issues to the client’s satisfaction. –Computer Support Center –Customer Support Center –Help Desk –Information Center –IT Response Center –IT Solutions Center –Resource Center –Technical Support Center

3 Cable Me: What seems to be the problem? Them: I can't get it [the computer] to work. Me: Did you get everything set up correctly? Them: I think so.... (Don't you just LOVE that answer?) Them:...Except that there is one cord left over. Me: Ok, did you get all of the color-coded cables to match up? Them: Yes. Me: What color are the ends of the leftover cable? Them: Black. Me: (Knowing that the only black cords are power cords....) What do the ends look like? Them: Well, one end has three holes in it. Me: And the other end? Them: Three prongs. Me: That would be the power cord. One end plugs into the wall and the other end into the back of the computer. It will only fit in one place. Them: Oh. Thanks.

4 Telephone (...) Me: Ok, now click Ok. CX: Where is that? Me: On the screen. CX: I don't see that on the keyboard! Me: It's on your screen, click on it. CX: OH! OK! I don't see it on the screen. What does it say? Me: Uhh.. it says O.. K.. CX: I don't see that. I only see Ok, Cancel and Apply. Me: Yes, click on the Ok button. CX: I can't, I don't see it! Me: You said you saw Ok, Cancel and Apply, right? CX: YES DAMMIT! Me: Ok, click on the one that says O.. K.. CX: Ok, the window is gone now. Me: Did you press on OK? CX: No, the X

5 Manager I work for a finance company doing phone support for software for financial advisers, many of whom work from small offices, or from home, and that live in a time before computers. I had an Advisor call me and say that he needed his password to the mainframe changed because his old one had expired. I changed his password and told him to try it in about five minutes. Four hours later he called me back furious because he still wasn't able to get into the mainframe. After spending some time with him going over and over the problem I found that he had a password memory function and he hadn't been typing in his password he had only been clicking 'OK'. He was angry when I explained that I was unable to change his password in the memory cache, that he'd have to do that himself. "I thought you said that you'd changed my password!" Trying to calm him down and carefully explained that what he'd have to do was, on the login box on his screen, go to the area called password delete the asterisks and then type in his new 6 to 8 letter password. "Oh I see," he said calming down. "I'll get my wife to do it when she gets in, she does all my typing."

6 Readme One day I get a call from a woman with a brand-new printer. She requested a little more documentation than the quick install sheet that comes with the device. I gave her the website URL to d/l the full manual, and also mentioned the readme file on the driver disk that came with the printer. Caller: "What readme file?" Me: "It's right there on the floppy disk... readme.txt" Caller: "I don't see anything like that" Me: "Are you sure? It's right there on the root of the A drive... readme.txt" Caller: "No, I don't see that" Me: "Ok, what files do you see?" Caller: "It says 'Driver disk v. 4.0 copyright 1997 to run type A:\setup.exe. And it has a little picture at the top" Me: (long pause) 'Ma'am, you have to put the floppy disk into your computer first and open up the file named readme.txt" Caller: "How do I do that?" (Insert sound of tech banging head against desk)

7 AOL A woman brings in her computer for repair, saying, "I can't get on AOL." The technician boots up the system, or at least tries to, but the machine reports a hard drive failure. The technician turns to the woman and says, "Ma'am, I can't even get into your system." The woman replies, "I know. I want you to fix that so I can get on AOL."

8 Creating Problems You walk into countless computer and game stores to look at games you're going to buy and burn countless times over for friends or you look at high end crap you won't be able to afford until it's outdated. You're standing there looking at stuff and you overhear a salesman trying to talk to some family into buying a computer and you can't help but either get pissed off or lol hysterically because the salesman is speaking high tech computer lingo that even I can't understand, but not because I'm an idiot....nooooo...(debatable)...but because you would have to be on mushrooms to make any sense of what they're saying. IE: "Yes mam' this computer has 64 RAM of storage space so you will have no problem holding lots of programs." << you gotta say it exactly as typed OR "This case is a light beige colour so that the halogen lights in your house don't heat your computer too much!" (now I almost had to go slash my wrists when I heard that one!) OR and this one kills me cause' I've heard it multiple times. "No this system won't be obsolete for at least 3 or 4 years!" ya 3 or 4 Mercury years!!!! These are just some quick ones I remember. Others are just lengthy jibberish using computer lingo that is out of text and reality.