Lecture 11 Nonverbal Communication: Silence & Listening

All people “experience” silence All people “experience” silence Attitudes toward silence can be dramatically diff erent Attitudes toward silence can be dramatically diff erent Ex: many cultures expect more silence from Ex: many cultures expect more silence from women and children than from adult men It can have a positive or negative impact on co mmunication process It can have a positive or negative impact on co mmunication process It can provide a peace or create tension and un easiness It can provide a peace or create tension and un easiness Overview of Silence

People cause others to be silent… People cause others to be silent… to gain attention to gain attention to maintain control to maintain control to protect to protect to teach to teach to attempt to eliminate distractions to attempt to eliminate distractions to show respect for authority or tradition to show respect for authority or tradition to point to something greater than ourselves to point to something greater than ourselves Silence can be used as the language of Silence can be used as the language of superiority and inferiority in relationships like tea cher/student, male/female, expert/client Causing Silence

Silencing someone can have both positive Silencing someone can have both positive & negative effects Sometimes silence is demanded by others & by those who must themselves be quiet Sometimes silence is demanded by others & by those who must themselves be quiet Often a sign of respect for the wisdom of Often a sign of respect for the wisdom ofothers The elderly person in families of many Eastern The elderly person in families of many Eastern culture groups expect silence from the children & lo wer family members as a sign of respect Causing Silence (con’t)

Places where outside noise is controlled – Places where outside noise is controlled – created as a way to make people silent library library museum museum concert hall concert hall funeral home funeral home court room court room Zones of Silence

Even small amounts of silence are filled with act ion and doing Even small amounts of silence are filled with act ion and doing Silence in exchanges is seen as dark, Silence in exchanges is seen as dark, negative and “full of nothing” = not good Silence in Europe & N. America

Favor long silences Favor long silences Silence is created more frequently compared to Western cultures Silence is created more frequently compared to Western cultures Often interrupt actions with long and deep Often interrupt actions with long and deepsilence Lao Tsu, said “To talk little is natural” Lao Tsu, said “To talk little is natural” Silence in East Asia

Women view silent roles as very powerful Women view silent roles as very powerful Some women think silent roles are natural & ca nnot imagine speaking out unless Some women think silent roles are natural & ca nnot imagine speaking out unless something very bad is done to them Shows the power of control Shows the power of control Often not recognized or understood by those wh o value speech-as-power and by those Often not recognized or understood by those wh o value speech-as-power and by those who value assertiveness by all, equally and democratically Silence in East Asia (con’t)

Effective Reception The keyis effective listening The keyis effective listening Listening is a skill that can be learned to enhanc e clarity in message exchange Listening is a skill that can be learned to enhanc e clarity in message exchange 50% more time listening than talking 50% more time listening than talking Better listening skills develop better speaking sk ills because of awareness Better listening skills develop better speaking sk ills because of awareness

Ineffective Listening Without listening to details and context, Without listening to details and context, important information can be missed Conflicts then arise Conflicts then arise Missed information limits solutions & results Missed information limits solutions & results in lost business time and money Personal relationships will deteriorate Personal relationships will deteriorate

Active Listening Guidelines Stop talking Stop talking Have a reason for listening Have a reason for listening Create a supportive climate Create a supportive climate Make eye contact Make eye contact Number one priority - shows you are paying attention Number one priority - shows you are paying attention Use head & body language such as nodding Use head & body language such as nodding Try not to translate what is being said into Try not to translate what is being said into what you want to hear: self-fulfilling prophecy

Aim your body orientation, move responsively Aim your body orientation, move responsively Pay attention to and actively search for Pay attention to and actively search for meaning in nonverbal cues Seek information and ask questions Seek information and ask questions Suspend judgment Suspend judgment Use attentive silence and play to it Use attentive silence and play to it Rate of thought wpm Rate of thought wpm Rate of speech wpm Rate of speech wpm Resist distractions Resist distractions Respond to content & feelings Respond to content & feelings Active Listening Guidelines (con’t)

Focus on themes Focus on themes Paraphrase to assure clarity Paraphrase to assure clarity Give responsive sounds or paralanguage feedba ck Give responsive sounds or paralanguage feedba ck Sounds or murmurs to allow the speaker to know you ar e following his train of thought Sounds or murmurs to allow the speaker to know you ar e following his train of thought right, OK, uh-huh, yeah right, OK, uh-huh, yeah Give effective feedback Give effective feedback Be specific, descriptive, timely, relevant Be specific, descriptive, timely, relevant Pay attention to possible gender differences Pay attention to possible gender differences

Asking Questions Don’t use Closed Questions Don’t use Closed Questions Is, Do, Has, Can, Will, Why Is, Do, Has, Can, Will, Why These are questions that only require a These are questions that only require a “yes” or “no” answer Use Open Questions Use Open Questions Where, When, How, What, Who, Which? Where, When, How, What, Who, Which?

Effective Listening Real communication occurs when we listen while understanding the other person’s point of view. Real communication occurs when we listen while understanding the other person’s point of view. Test yourself with a series of questions such as “ what did I learn from the other person?” or “who did more talking and listening?” Test yourself with a series of questions such as “ what did I learn from the other person?” or “who did more talking and listening?” Evaluate your answers and decide how to improv e your communication next time. Evaluate your answers and decide how to improv e your communication next time.

Effective Listening (con’t) Effective listening is not for everyone. Effective listening is not for everyone. To deal with the non-effective listener, clarify what y ou want to say prior to speaking. To deal with the non-effective listener, clarify what y ou want to say prior to speaking. If your ideas are clear, the listener is more likely to be receptive. If your ideas are clear, the listener is more likely to be receptive. Before meeting, give the to-be-listener an idea of w hat you want to discuss. Before meeting, give the to-be-listener an idea of w hat you want to discuss.