AGES AND STAGES So what is normal? Sara Hitchens, Counsellor/Psychotherapist

Erik Erikson: 8 psycho-social stages Each stage builds on the previous one

Stage 1: Birth – 2 years Can I trust people around me? Important event: feeding Trust vs. mistrust

Birth – 2 years Top Tips  Be there physically and emotionally  More than food, babies want to be held; cuddled; responded to with smiles and baby talk  OK for a baby to cry – but don’t ignore cries for long  When crawling, create a safe, child-proof zone, with toys, books, etc

Stage 2: years Can I do things for myself? Important event: potty training Autonomy vs. shame

2-3 years Top Tips  Avoid making demands about potty training  Involve them in simple decision making over food, toys, clothing  Set clear limits and establish good habits  Choose your battles  Stay firm!  Organise play dates

Stage 3: years Am I good or bad? Important events: Play & exploration Initiative vs. guilt

3 – 5 years Top Tips  Wherever safe, allow them to take risks  Praise them for trying  Encourage them to learn from mistakes and move on  Avoid teasing or ridiculing

The Brain: 0-5 years By age 6, the brain is 95% of its adult size. Brain is very plastic, constantly changing… it needs interaction to develop

Stage 4: 5 – 11 years Can I be successful? Important event: School Competence vs. inferiority

The Brain – until puberty Grey matter, or thinking part of the brain, continues to thicken as the brain cells get extra connections. Process peaks at about age 11 in girls and age 12 in boys, roughly about the same time as puberty. The capacity to be skilled in many different areas is building up during this time.

4 – 11 years Top Tips  Give them lots of opportunities to find things that they enjoy and are good at  Give praise (when it is deserved)  Remain firm on important rules; compromise on rules that are negotiable  Have your own interests away from parenting

Stage 5: years Who am I? Important event: social relationships outside the family Identity vs. role confusion

What’s really happening? Pre-frontal cortex - CEO of the brain – is still developing Part of the brain involved in planning and organizing Unfair to expect them to have adult levels of organizational skills or decision making before their brain is finished being built....

Pruning? Or the brain sculpting itself? Use it or lose it!

Teenage brain more responsive to new experiences and rewards Dopamine input to the pre-frontal cortex is much higher than normal.

11 – 18 years Top Tips  Recognise and treat them as young adults  Respect their privacy  Allow their opinions and tastes to be different  Support them as they take control of their own lives, including their choice of career  Continue to negotiate limits  Don’t take their pulling away from you personally; it’s normal!