Sexuality and Sexual Expression Throughout Life Marriages and Families: Changes, Choices, and Constraints Seventh Edition Nijole V. Benokraitis Chapter Seven Sexuality and Sexual Expression Throughout Life

Sexuality and Human Development Sexuality is very complex—it is an expression of who we are.

Sexual Identity Our sexual identity is our awareness of ourselves as male or female and the ways in which we express our sexual values, attitudes, feelings, and beliefs. Sexual identity is a category created by society.

Sexual Orientation Homosexual—attracted to others of the same sex. Heterosexual—attracted to others of the opposite sex. Bisexual—attracted to sexual partners of both sexes. Asexual—lack of physical attraction to either sex.

It Isn’t as Simple as It Sounds! Heterosexuality is the predominant sexual orientation worldwide, but homosexuality is also found in every culture worldwide. Many homosexuals worldwide try to hide their sexual identity for fear of violence. There is still the belief that heterosexism is the “natural” or preferred sexual orientation.

Transgendered About 2% of Americans are thought to be transgendered, but some researchers believe that the numbers may be twice as high. This term encompasses several groups. Transsexuals—people who are born with one biological sex but choose to live as the other sex, sometimes by choosing surgery as an option.

Transgendered Intersexuals—people whose medical classification at birth is not clearly male or female. Transvestites—people who cross-dress at times but don’t necessarily consider themselves a member of the opposite sex.

What Determines Sexual Orientation? No one really knows what determines sexual orientation. There are some theories that come from every theoretical standpoint. Some biologists theorize that the brain structure may be associated with sexual orientation and some believe there may be a “gay” gene.

What Determines Sexual Orientation? Social construction theories—hold that sexual behavior is largely the result of social pressure and that culture, not biology, plays a large role in forming our sexual identity.

Sexual Orientation and Gender Some researchers assert that gender is a more powerful factor than sexual orientation in shaping a person’s behavior. That is, there are more similarities between straight and gay men and between straight women and lesbians than there are between lesbians and gays.

Sexual Scripts Many of us think that our sexual behavior is spontaneous, when in general, we have internalized sexual scripts. Gender and Sexual Scripts Women are more assertive now than in past generations when it comes to sex. Men tend to be aggressive as a result of society expecting them to assert their masculinity in a number of ways, but especially in relationships with the opposite sex. Race, ethnicity, and sexual scripts—race and ethnicity also play a part in our sexual scripts.

The Double Standard The double standard is alive and well in the U.S., but not as strong as it used to be. The sexual revolution changed a lot regarding women’s rights and the double standard. Women are more compelled to voice opinions and feelings about issues regarding sexuality.

Sexual Assaults, Sexual Dysfunctions, and the Double Standard Another indicator of the persistence of the double standard is the high rate of rape and other sexual assaults on women. The sexual double standard is not limited to the U.S. and other Western nations. In other countries, female genital mutilation is still practiced.

Why Do We Have Sex? People have sex for pleasure and for procreation but also for other reasons such as: - to celebrate a special occasion - to get a promotion - to feel closer to their partner - because of peer pressure - because of restrictions of parents

Sex in Committed Relationships Sex serves many functions in both short- and long-term relationships. It can be an expression of love and affection. It can increase intimacy and provide a feeling of closeness.

What Do We Know about Sex? Some of our young people know about sex and are sexually active, but some are not. Some do not know how to prevent sexually-transmitted diseases.

What Do We Know about Sex? On a national survey of 13-year-olds, it was found that fewer than 1/3 were able to identify the most effective pregnancy method, and fewer than 2/3 knew the number-one method of preventing STDs (condoms).

Who Influences Our Sexual Behavior? Maybe the question should be “Who doesn’t?” It is learned in a cultural context. People become sexual over time as they become more expressive. The primary sources of information about anatomy, values, and sexual expression come from parents, peers, siblings, the media, and popular culture.

From Parents Parents affect our sexual scripts by what they say and don’t say about sex and by the example they set in front of their children. A study of students ages 10-15 found that only 6% said they wanted to talk to their parents about sex and pregnancy. Do parents know their children are sexually active? Only about 1/3 of parents of sexually-active 14-year-olds know that their children have had or are having sex.

Do Parents Talk about Sex? Many parents are unsure how to talk to their children about sex. They often feel unprepared to discuss important issues such as abstinence, contraception, and prevention of STDs. Some parents are concerned that if they open the dialogue with their children about sex, then the children are getting the idea that the parents approve of premarital sex. Many adolescents see their parents as old-fashioned about sex and parental discussions about sex need to be effective.

From Peers and Siblings Peers are among the most common sources of knowledge about sex, especially for young adults. Peers can be helpful even if they aren’t always the best source of information.

From Religion Religious parents who monitor their children’s activities and have strong parent-child relationships tend to delay their children’s sexuality.

From the Media and Popular Culture Often young people obtain information about sex from the media and popular culture: television, movies, music, magazines, romance novels, the Internet, and sometimes from pornographic sites.

From Sex Education About 90% of parents approve of schools’ providing a comprehensive sex education program, however, in 2001 Bush established a federal program to fund abstinence-only curricula. President Obama plans to change to a more comprehensive sex education program in our school systems.

Sexual Behaviors Most of us have very conventional sex lives. For example, most U.S. adults have had one or no sex partners in any given year. Sexual behavior includes many other behaviors like flirting, kissing, autoeroticism, and oral and anal sex.

Flirting Flirting is acting amorously around someone to capture another person’s attention. Flirting can be mistaken for friendliness or other non-verbal cues.

Kissing In some cultures, people do not kiss in the same way that we do, but in the U.S. kissing in public is not looked down upon.

Autoeroticism Autoeroticism refers to arousal of sexual feelings without an external stimulus. Two of the more common autoerotism are sexual fantasies and masturbation. More men than women have sexual fantasies—they are very normal for everyone. Masturbation—sexual self pleasure. It is very common. Oral and anal sex—apparently, for a growing majority of adolescents and young adults, oral and anal sex are not considered sex.

Sexual Intercourse This term refers to any form of sexual pairing—male/female, female/female, and male/male. Overall, women report an average of 6 sex partners in their lifetimes. Men report an average of 20. Men and women who are married have higher rates of sexual activity.

Virginity and Abstinence A virgin is someone who has never had sexual intercourse. Nearly half of all American students reported never having had sexual intercourse, a decline from 54% in 1990. There are several reasons for the decline in intercourse over the last decade or so. Some people credit the abstinence movement, especially in religion. Several national studies have found that abstinence pledges delay intercourse, especially among young teens, but that plegers are just as likely as nonpledgers to report premarital intercourse.

Why Adults Abstain from Sexual Intercourse Major reasons include: Not having a partner Chronic illness Mental health problems Sexual dysfunction Infidelity

Sex and Adolescents Many adolescents have sexual intercourse before they understand sexual anatomy and contraception or have time to develop sexual values.

Sex and Adolescents Young people’s interest in sex is influenced by a variety of factors: For young girls, sex usually occurs in a romantic relationship. One reason for early sex for boys is peer pressure. Environmental variables also play a part—teens who are more likely to engage in early sexual intercourse are those young people from single- parent or remarried homes.

Sex and Adolescents Cultural Attitudes and expectations also influence teens’ sexual experience. Young Latinos are much more likely to report that they have had more sexual activity and more sexual partners. Young Latinas however, are less likely to report having premarital sex.

Forced Sexual Intercourse Nationwide, 11% of female and 5% of male high-school students say that they have had sex when they did not want to. For young girls, the moist common factors include the mother's having an abusive boyfriend, illicit drug use (by the parent or co-abuser), lack of parental monitoring in the home, a history of sexual abuse, and the victim’s living apart from her family before the age of 16.

Sex and Singles Women and men are staying single for longer periods of time for a number of reasons. Higher education Military service Careers This is not just limited to Western cultures.

Who Initiates Sexual Contact? Traditional sexual scripts dictate that the man should initiate sexual contact, because “nice girls don’t do that.” Today, our sexual scripts have changed. Women are more likely than before to initiate sexual contact.

Sex in Marriage Most married couples report being happy with their sex lives. Overall, the frequency of sexual intimacy may decrease over time, but other expressions of sexual desire make up for a lack of intercourse for most couples. Even if the frequency of sex decreases, the couples, the longer they are married, report that their satisfaction with their sex life increases. For couples in their mid-lives, too, this is a busy time for careers and possibly children, so there is less time to concentrate solely on each other.

Sex During the Middle Years As we mature, our sexual interests, desires, and abilities change—for most couples who are married this is a good thing. While couples in their mid-lives may report less sex, they report that other things in their lives are more important. It’s not their priority anymore. Good health, close times with friends and family, financial security, spiritual well-being, and a good relationship with a partner are all rated as being more important.

Menopause Menopause typically begins in a woman’s mid-40s to early 50s, and it is a process that may last 4-5 years. There are many symptoms that women experience during menopause that include: hot flashes, mood swings, loss or increase of appetite, fatigue, migraine headache, and irregular menstrual cycles to name a few! Once menopause is over, women are no longer able to reproduce.

Sex and Later Life Many women and men remain sexually active well into their 70s and 80s. Sexual activity among older people diminishes but it doesn’t disappear. About 39% of men and 17% of women have an active love life (according to a recent survey). Nearly 25% have sex four or more times a month. More than 25% of the men and 33% of the women either gave or received oral sex in the last year.

Sexual Infidelity Sexual infidelity doesn't necessarily involve sexual intercourse. You can be sexually unfaithful to your partner emotionally as well. Online infidelity is increasing. Some clinicians see Internet romances as betrayals because they reflect emotional infidelity.

Sexual Infidelity It is difficult to determine exactly how many couples experience sexual infidelity because most information is obtained in survey form and some people may not always be truthful in research. Recent highly-respected national surveys show that in any given year, about 4% of married people have sex outside their marriage. Over a lifetime, about 16% say they have had an extramarital affair. The numbers are higher for men than for women.

Sexual Infidelity Why are spouses unfaithful? Macro Reasons 1. Economic problems 2. The purpose of marriage has changed for many people 3. The anonymity of urban life 4. People live longer today More women in the workplace Gender roles are different New technology has increased chances for cyber flirting Micro Reasons The need for emotional or sexual satisfaction Because it is exciting It is an ego enhancer It reflects social exchange Both sexes are unfaithful because they think they can get away with it Revenge or retaliation May provide a way out of marriage

Sexual Infidelity Consequences: Most affairs devastate families. They can have an especially negative impact on children, who may feel in some way that they are to blame. It also has broad social structural implications—group solidarity is necessary for a society’s survival and because the group (here the family) has been betrayed, it can cause them to lose their cohesiveness.

Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexual Sex About 8% of Americans label themselves as GLBT (Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgendered). Of course, numbers may be much higher because people are not always willing to define themselves in this way. GLBT couples experience the same things that straight couples do in relationships. Societies vary greatly in their acceptance of GLBT people. In some cultures, it is much more acceptable. There is, however, increasing acceptance in the United States, but we are way behind some countries in our attitudes about people who are different.

Sexually Transmitted Infections, HIV, and AIDS Sexually transmitted infections (STIs) are diseases that are spread by contact, either sexual or nonsexual, with body parts or fluids that harbor specific microorganisms. There are about 19 million new cases of STIs in the U.S. every year. Most of the time STIs cause no symptoms, particularly in women. Even when there are no symptoms however, the infection can be spread.

HIV and AIDS One of the most serious and fatal STIs in human history is the human immunodeficiency virus (HIV), that causes acquired immunodeficiency syndrome (AIDS). First reported on June 5, 1981, AIDS had taken the lives of almost 546,000 people by the end of 2006.

Today we are better informed about sexuality Today we are better informed about sexuality. We are also better informed about the problems sexuality may cause. However, there are still constraints. We are often still reluctant to give young people the information about sexuality that they may need. Gay men and lesbian women still face discrimination today. Even though we think we have come a long way, we have a long way to go.