Teaching with Style: Using Joseph Williams’s Classic Guide with Students Joseph Bizup Boston University March 12, 2015 Contact:

Foundations Principles Teaching

Clarity is not a property of texts but an impression or feeling of readers. Impressions of clarity vary with expertise (“the curse of knowledge”). Writers can’t trust their own judgments about the clarity of their writing. Writers therefore need principles they can follow to assess and revise their writing. Happily, readers respond to sentences, passages, and whole sections/texts in predictable ways. Writers can capitalize on readers’ predictable responses to write in ways their readers will find clear, coherent, understandable, and memorable. These principles can be taught explicitly and practiced. These principles are not rules. Style is not about correctness but about choice. Style is, ultimately, an ethical matter: Williams’s First Rule of Ethical Writing is, “Write To Others as You Would Have Others Write to You.” Foundational Positions “This is a book about writing based on our ways of reading.” Foundations | Principles | Teaching

Williams gives us mutually reinforcing principles for writing with clarity and grace. Characters as Subjects: Use main characters in the “story” you are telling as the subjects of most of your sentences. Actions as Verbs: Express the main actions performed by (or on) these characters as verbs, not nouns. Old before New: Begin sentences with familiar information, and end them with information readers cannot predict. Short before Long: Begin sentences with a short, easily grasped segment of information that frames the longer, more complex segments that follow. This principle applies not only to sentences, but also to paragraphs, sections, and whole documents. Topic then Stress: Begin sentences with what they are “about” or “comment on”; end with words that should receive special emphasis. Foundations | Principles | Teaching

Williams gives us mutually reinforcing principles for writing with clarity and grace. SubjectVerb CharacterAction Fixed syntactic slots Movable story elements Complement Short/Simple OLD Long/Complex NEW Movable information bundles Informational Level Grammatical Level TOPIC (What the sentence is about) STRESS (What you want to emphasize) Rhetorical Level Foundations | Principles | Teaching

Principles 1 & 2: Character as Subjects, Actions as Verbs Examples 1a. An explanation of the war’s causes is contained in Lincoln’s third paragraph; a rallying cry to his audience to continue the struggle is contained in his fourth paragraph. 1b. In his third paragraph, Lincoln explains what caused the war; in his fourth paragraph, he rallies his audience to continue the struggle. 1c.Lincoln’s third paragraph explains the causes of the war; his fourth paragraph rallies his audience to continue the struggle. 2a.In the 1990s, the partition of existing states or even, in severe cases, the segregation of populations through forcible transfer became attractive as a possible means of resolving ethno-religious tensions. 2b.In the 1990s, some policy analysts were attracted to the idea that tensions between ethnic and religious groups might be resolved by partitioning existing states or even, in severe cases, by forcibly segregating populations. 3a.The assumed annual revenue growth in the management plan is below that historically realized, but a $2.0M increase has already been achieved through a new contract with the company’s key client. 3b. In its management plan, the company assumes that annual revenue will grow more slowly than it has historically, but it has already increased revenue by $2.0M through a new contract with its key client. 3c. The company’s management plan assumes that annual revenue will grow more slowly than it has historically, but a new contract with the company’s key client has already increased revenue by $2.0M. Foundations | Principles | Teaching

1a. An explanation of the war’s causes is contained in Lincoln’s third paragraph; a rallying cry to his audience to continue the struggle is contained in his fourth paragraph. 1b. In his third paragraph, Lincoln explains what caused the war; in his fourth paragraph, he rallies his audience to continue the struggle. 1c.Lincoln’s third paragraph explains the causes of the war; his fourth paragraph rallies his audience to continue the struggle. 2a.In the 1990s, the partition of existing states or even, in severe cases, the segregation of populations through forcible transfer became attractive as a possible means of resolving ethno-religious tensions. 2b.In the 1990s, some policy analysts were attracted to the idea that tensions between ethnic and religious groups might be resolved by partitioning existing states or even, in severe cases, by forcibly segregating populations. 3a.The assumed annual revenue growth in the management plan is below that historically realized, and a $2.0M increase has already been achieved through a new contract with the company’s key client. 3b. In its management plan, the company assumes that annual revenue will grow more slowly than it has historically, but the it has already increased revenue by $2.0M through a new contract with its key client. 3c. The company’s management plan assumes that annual revenue will grow more slowly than it has historically, but a new contract with the company’s key client has already increased revenue by $2.0M. Key: Character Action Subject Verb Principles 1 & 2: Character as Subjects, Actions as Verbs Examples Foundations | Principles | Teaching

The further you depart from these principles, the less readable your writing becomes. Two-character example From this: 1.Retailers have increasingly consolidated and centralized functions over the past several years, leading customers to object to more complicated purchasing procedures. To this: 2. Retailers have achieved increased consolidation and centralization of functions over the past several years, leading customers to raise objections to more complicated purchasing procedures. Then this: 3. Increased retailer consolidation and centralization of functions over the past several years has resulted in customer objections to more complicated purchasing procedures. And finally this: 4. Increased consolidation and centralization of functions over the past several years has resulted in objections to more complicated purchasing procedures. Foundations | Principles | Teaching

The further you depart from these principles, the less readable your writing becomes. Three-character example From this: 1.Investors generally prefer regulators to require companies to document all of their financial instruments at fair value, rather than allowing companies to apply fair value on an instrument-by-instrument basis. To this: 2.Investors generally have a preference that regulators require companies to provide documentation of all of their financial instruments at fair value rather than allowing companies to undertake application of fair value on an instrument-by-instrument basis. Then this: 3. Investors’ general preference is for a regulatory requirement for documentation of all of a company’s financial instruments at fair value, rather than for allowing application of fair value by companies on an instrument-by-instrument basis. And finally this: 4. The general preference is for a requirement for documentation of all financial assets at fair value, rather than for allowing application of fair value on an instrument-by-instrument basis. Foundations | Principles | Teaching

The further you depart from these principles, the less readable your writing becomes. Two-character example Here characters are subjects and actions are verbs: 1.Retailers have increasingly consolidated and centralized functions over the past several years, leading customers to object to more complicated purchasing procedures. You can express actions using nouns rather than verbs: 2. Retailers have achieved increased consolidation and centralization of functions over the past several years, leading customers to raise objections to more complicated purchasing procedures. You can displace characters from subjects: 3. Increased retailer consolidation and centralization of functions over the past several years has resulted in customer objections to more complicated purchasing procedures. You can even delete characters altogether: 4. Increased consolidation and centralization of functions over the past several years has resulted in objections to more complicated purchasing procedures. Foundations | Principles | Teaching

The further you depart from these principles, the less readable your writing becomes. Three-character example Here characters are subjects and actions are verbs: 1.Investors generally prefer regulators to require companies to document all of their financial instruments at fair value, rather than allowing companies to apply fair value on an instrument-by-instrument basis. You can express actions using nouns rather than verbs: 2.Investors generally have a preference that regulators require companies to provide documentation of all of their financial instruments at fair value rather than allowing companies to undertake application of fair value on an instrument-by-instrument basis. You can displace characters from subjects: 3. Investors’ general preference is for a regulatory requirement for documentation of all of a company’s financial instruments at fair value, rather than for allowing application of fair value by companies on an instrument-by-instrument basis. You can even delete characters altogether: 4. The general preference is for a requirement for documentation of all financial assets at fair value, rather than for allowing application of fair value on an instrument-by-instrument basis. Foundations | Principles | Teaching

Principle 3: Old Before New Example: We tell students to prefer the active voice to the passive…. Active: 1a.The collapse of a dead star into a point perhaps no larger than a marble creates a black hole. Passive: 1b.A black hole is created by the collapse of a dead star into a point perhaps no larger than a marble. Foundations | Principles | Teaching

Principle 3: Old Before New Example: But context matters. 1a.Some astonishing questions about the nature of the universe have been raised by scientists studying black holes in space. The collapse of a dead star into a point perhaps no larger than a marble creates a black hole. So much matter compressed into so little volume changes the fabric of space around it in puzzling ways. 1b.Some astonishing questions about the nature of the universe have been raised by scientists studying black holes in space. A black hole is created by the collapse of a dead star into a point perhaps no larger than a marble. So much matter compressed into so little volume changes the fabric of space around it in puzzling ways. Foundations | Principles | Teaching

Principle 3: Old Before New Example: But context matters. 1a.Some astonishing questions about the nature of the universe have been raised by scientists studying black holes in space. The collapse of a dead star into a point perhaps no larger than a marble creates a black hole. So much matter compressed into so little volume changes the fabric of space around it in puzzling ways. 1b.Some astonishing questions about the nature of the universe have been raised by scientists studying black holes in space. A black hole is created by the collapse of a dead star into a point perhaps no larger than a marble. So much matter compressed into so little volume changes the fabric of space around it in puzzling ways. ✔ Foundations | Principles | Teaching

Principle 4: Short Before Long Examples 1a.A delicate balance among its many ingredients, including brown sugar, cider vinegar, garlic, onion, and mustard, with hints of cumin and Worcestershire sauce, characterized her fine barbecue sauce. 1b.Her fine barbecue sauce was characterized by a delicate balance among its many ingredients, including brown sugar, cider vinegar, garlic, onion, and mustard, with hints of cumin and Worcestershire sauce. 2a.That school emphasizes sustained collaboration among its talented students and faculty and rigorous instruction. 2b.That school emphasizes rigorous instruction and sustained collaboration among its talented students and faculty. Foundations | Principles | Teaching

Principle 4: Short Before Long Examples 1a.A delicate balance among its many ingredients, including brown sugar, cider vinegar, garlic, onion, and mustard, with hints of cumin and Worcestershire sauce, characterized her fine barbecue sauce. 1b.Her fine barbecue sauce was characterized by a delicate balance among its many ingredients, including brown sugar, cider vinegar, garlic, onion, and mustard, with hints of cumin and Worcestershire sauce. 2a.That school emphasizes | sustained collaboration among its talented students and faculty and rigorous instruction. 2b.That school emphasizes | rigorous instruction and sustained collaboration among its talented students and faculty. ✔ ✔ Foundations | Principles | Teaching

Principle 5: Topic Then Stress Examples 1.My favorite novel is Jane Eyre. 2a.The company’s sales are strong, but its stock has dipped recently. 2b.The company’s stock has dipped recently, but its sales are strong. 3a.The universities were going to have to pursue students much as businesses pursue customers. They were going to have to treat their prospective students as potential buyers. And they were going to have to treat their existing students as customers too, for students can always switch brands. --Mark Edmundson, Why Teach? In Defense of a Real Education 3b.The universities were going to have to act like businesses pursuing customers to attract prospective students. And because customers can always switch brands, universities were going to have to take the same approach with their existing students too. Foundations | Principles | Teaching

Principle 5: Topic Then Stress Examples 1.My favorite novel is Jane Eyre. 2a.The company’s sales are strong, but its stock has dipped recently. 2b.The company’s stock has dipped recently, but its sales are strong. 3.The universities were going to have to pursue students much as businesses pursue customers. They were going to have to treat their prospective students as potential buyers. And they were going to have to treat their existing students as customers too, for students can always switch brands. --Mark Edmundson, Why Teach? In Defense of a Real Education 3b.The universities were going to have to act like businesses pursuing customers to attract prospective students. And because customers can always switch brands, universities were going to have to take the same approach with their existing students too. Foundations | Principles | Teaching

Teaching with Style in First-Year Writing: Goal: to help student writers learn to make informed, confident, and sound choices. Strengths Takes students seriously as writers Emphasizes and educates choice Builds on students’ intuitions as readers to teach clear writing States its principles explicitly Integrates principles into a coherent system (sentence level, passage level, section/document level) Recognizes that we need to write not only clearly but also efficiently Makes style matter in civic and ethical senses Challenges Williams’s focus was professional writing: pre-professionalized students (i.e., beginning undergraduates) don’t yet write badly in the ways Style aims to correct Says little about invention Limited treatment of genre Pitched at fairly high level for FYW Exercises in the book are largely artificial revision exercises Foundations | Principles | Teaching

Guidelines for Using Style Successfully in First-Year Writing that involve students’ own writing that emphasize reading, especially in diverse genres that address thinking, planning, invention that entail giving and receiving feedback 1. Get “style” out of the book and into the classroom. 2. Design assignments and activities…. 3. Always emphasize agency and choice (low- stakes word play is great….) Foundations | Principles | Teaching

Design activities and assignments that involve students’ own writing. “Make It Better, Make It Worse” Gather sentences from students’ drafts into a PowerPoint; make sure every student is represented. Have students work in pairs. Each pair picks two sentences to analyze and revise using Williams’s principles: one to make clearer and one to make less clear. Characters, Topics, and Point of View Have each student go through one substantial paragraph of his or her own writing. Highlight subjects, characters, topics. Analyze: do they make up a coherent set? Change: rewrite to make the paragraph coherent, or if coherent, rewrite to change the point of view. Foundations | Principles | Teaching

Design activities and assignments that emphasize reading, especially in diverse genres Readability Analysis Share a sample of passages from published texts from different genres: newspaper editorial, familiar essay, academic journal article, etc. Have students read the passages and rate their readability on a scale of 1 (low) to 5 (high). Collate ratings and share results. Have students work in pairs to use Williams’s principles to explain their ratings, including variations. Competing Arguments Assign two competing arguments and discuss. Have students reflect on how the style of each piece contributes to or reinforces its argument. Scavenger Hunt Ask students to submit passages from their outside reading that exemplify or violate specific principles of style, including ethical ones. Share with the class and discuss. Foundations | Principles | Teaching

Design activities and assignments that address thinking, planning, and invention “Cast of Characters” Before drafting, students create a cast of 2-3 “characters.” They then try to use these characters as the subjects of most of their sentences. This is a “priming” exercise that helps students focus their arguments and identify/adopt a point of view. Thinking Through Style As an exploratory exercise, students write responses to a reading or idea of their own by completing “challenge” sentences. For example: Tannen’s real point is not ____ but _____. It seems that ______, but in fact ______. Write a sentence beginning with “Although” that contains at least two clauses and a resumptive modifier. Ringing the Changes Start with a clear sentence and have students revise to move it down the scale of readability: turn verbs into nouns, displace characters from subjects, eliminate characters altogether. Foundations | Principles | Teaching

Design activities and assignments that entail giving and receiving responses and feedback. “Explaining Impressions” Peer Review Students work in groups of two or three: each student goes through another’s draft and describes the experience of reading each paragraph or section with a single word” “great,” “clear,” “confusing,” etc. Another student (who may or may not be the writer) uses Williams’s principles to explain the impressions. “What’s Your Problem?” Have students use Williams’s template to draft or review introductions: Common ground Problem [situation + cost] Solution [claim/promise of claim + benefit] Variation: Try mixing and matching claims and the problems to which they respond. Foundations | Principles | Teaching

Teaching with Style: Using Joseph Williams’s Classic Guide with Students March 12, 2015 Joseph Bizup Director, Arts & Sciences Writing Program Associate Professor, Department of English Boston University CAS Writing Program 100 Bay State Road, 3 rd Floor Boston, Massachusetts