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“Conflict is inevitable but combat is optional.” ~ Max Lucado, When God Whispers Your Name 2

The art of developing a theology of gospel-centered conflict resolution 2 Corinthians 5:18-21 18All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; 19that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. 20Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. 21God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. 3

5 The apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our faith!” The art of developing a theology of gospel-centered conflict resolution Luke 17:1-5 Jesus said to his disciples: “Things that cause people to sin are bound to come, but woe to that person through whom they come. 2 It would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around his neck than for him to cause one of these little ones to sin. 3 So watch yourselves. “If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. 4 If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, ‘I repent,’ forgive him.” 5 The apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our faith!”

Christians and their churches to respond to conflict biblically To equip and assist Christians and their churches to respond to conflict biblically peacemaker.net Pamphlet: http://bookstore.peacemaker.net/html/Peacemaking_Principles_Pamphlet.pdf 5

Fighting Fair – Conflict Resolution Stuff Happens! Conflict is part of living in a fallen world A Commitment to live at peace with everyone How to say “I’m sorry” Don’t find fault, Find a remedy; Anybody can complain When everything else fails 6

The Slippery Slope of Conflict 7

The Slippery Slope of Conflict Escape 2. Attack Make Peace 8

Personal Peacemaking Responses Assisted Peacemaking Responses Overlook an offense Reconciliation Negotiation Assisted Peacemaking Responses Mediation Arbitration Accountability 9

Fighting Fair – Conflict Resolution Stuff Happens! Conflict is part of living in a fallen world A Commitment to live at peace with everyone How to say “I’m sorry” Don’t find fault, Find a remedy; Anybody can complain When everything else fails 10

A commitment to Biblical Conflict Resolution Four G’s A commitment to Biblical Conflict Resolution 11

1st “G”: Glorify God 1 Corinthians 10:31 12

2nd “G”: Get the log out of your eye Matthew 7:1-5 13

3rd “G”: Gently restore Galatians 6:1 14

4th “G”: Go and be reconciled Matthew 5:23-24 15

How to say “I’m sorry”: Asking for and granting forgiveness Fighting Fair – Conflict Resolution How to say “I’m sorry”: Asking for and granting forgiveness 16

Forgiveness: Ceasing to feel resentment for wrongs and offenses; pardon, involving restoration of broken relationships. ~ James M. Houston, Forgiveness, in Elwell, W. A., & Beitzel, B. J. (1988). Baker encyclopedia of the Bible (810). Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Book House. 17

GET THE LOG OUT OF YOUR OWN EYE Matthew 7:1-6 1“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. 3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. 6“Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces.

The Development of an Idol

The Development of an Idol Desire

The Development of an Idol Desire Expectation

The Development of an Idol Desire Expectation Demand

The Development of an Idol Desire Expectation Demand Judgment

The Development of an Idol Desire Expectation Demand Judgment Punishment

SEVEN A’s OF CONFESSION

SEVEN A’s OF CONFESSION Proverbs 28:13 He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.

1. Address everyone involved (All those whom you affected)

1. Address everyone involved (All those whom you affected) 2. Avoid if, but, and maybe (Do not try to excuse your wrongs)

1. Address everyone involved (All those whom you affected) 2. Avoid if, but, and maybe (Do not try to excuse your wrongs) 3. Admit specifically (Both attitudes and actions)

1. Address everyone involved (All those whom you affected) 2. Avoid if, but, and maybe (Do not try to excuse your wrongs) 3. Admit specifically (Both attitudes and actions) 4. Acknowledge the hurt (Express sorrow for hurting someone)

1. Address everyone involved (All those whom you affected) 2. Avoid if, but, and maybe (Do not try to excuse your wrongs) 3. Admit specifically (Both attitudes and actions) 4. Acknowledge the hurt (Express sorrow for hurting someone) 5. Accept the consequences (Such as making restitution)

1. Address everyone involved (All those whom you affected) 2. Avoid if, but, and maybe (Do not try to excuse your wrongs) 3. Admit specifically (Both attitudes and actions) 4. Acknowledge the hurt (Express sorrow for hurting someone) 5. Accept the consequences (Such as making restitution) 6. Alter your behavior (Change your attitudes and actions)

1. Address everyone involved (All those whom you affected) 2. Avoid if, but, and maybe (Do not try to excuse your wrongs) 3. Admit specifically (Both attitudes and actions) 4. Acknowledge the hurt (Express sorrow for hurting someone) 5. Accept the consequences (Such as making restitution) 6. Alter your behavior (Change your attitudes and actions) 7. Ask for forgiveness

QUESTION: What did I bring to the table in this conflict? What do I need to take responsibility for?

GO AND BE RECONCILED Colossians 3:13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

In order for true reconciliation to happen: GO AND BE RECONCILED In order for true reconciliation to happen:

In order for true reconciliation to happen: GO AND BE RECONCILED In order for true reconciliation to happen: Personal Offenses must be addressed and laid to rest through confession and forgiveness (OWNERSHIP)

Four Promises of Forgiveness

Four Promises of Forgiveness 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Four Promises of Forgiveness

Four Promises of Forgiveness “I will not dwell on this incident.”

Four Promises of Forgiveness “I will not dwell on this incident.” “I will not bring up this incident again and use it against you.”

Four Promises of Forgiveness “I will not dwell on this incident.” “I will not bring up this incident again and use it against you.” “I will not talk to others about this incident.”

Four Promises of Forgiveness “I will not dwell on this incident.” “I will not bring up this incident again and use it against you.” “I will not talk to others about this incident.” “I will not let this incident stand between us or hinder our personal relationship.”

25“I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, Isaiah 43:25 25“I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more.

In order for true reconciliation to happen: GO AND BE RECONCILED In order for true reconciliation to happen: Personal Offenses must be addressed and laid to rest through confession and forgiveness (OWNERSHIP) The material issues of the conflict must be resolved by negotiating a mutually satisfactory agreement (WHERE DO WE GO NOW?)

How can I demonstrate the forgiveness of Christ toward this conflict? QUESTION: How can I demonstrate the forgiveness of Christ toward this conflict?

Gospel Application: 48

Gospel Application: Have I fully recognized the forgiveness of God to me in Jesus Christ and use that as a basis to ask for and grant forgiveness to others? 49

Psalm 32 1Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. 2Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord does not count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit. 50

Psalm 32 3When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. 4For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. 51

Psalm 32 5Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord”— and you forgave the guilt of my sin. 52