Your friend forgets to bring their homework that’s vital and due in today. Do you: Laugh at them. Tell them “That’s your problem.” Set their bag on fire so they have a good excuse for why they don’t have it. Sit with them in a break before class to help them do it again.

A month ago Your friend invited you to a birthday dinner and movie night. Today you get asked to a party on at exactly the same time, which you really want to go to. Do you: Decide to go to the Birthday Dinner but leave early so you can get to the party just when things are getting good. Say you’ll go to the your friend’s birthday, but then just not turn up and apologise later and say you got the wrong date. Slip some laxatives in your friend’s food before the dinner so they’re too sick to have their birthday celebration. Go to the Birthday event, because you care about your friend more than you care about parties.

You have a thought that you want to do something nice for your friend You have a thought that you want to do something nice for your friend. Do you: Ignore it. It’ll go away soon. Go comment on all their photos on Facebook, because everyone loves getting comments on Facebook. This is an invalid question. You’ve never thought about doing anything nice for anyone, ever. Think through what their favourite thing to do is, and organise a surprise event where they get to do it.

Your friend has been kidnapped by pirates. Do you: Think “Good for them, maybe that’ll teach them not to be such a fool.” Send a message to your friend telling them not to worry and to think of Johnny Depp. Do nothing. “The pirates’ gain is my gain too.” Do whatever you can to save them, get together a raiding party, raise a ransom, hire some ninjas, train to be a ninja yourself, don’t rest until your friend is safe.

Your friend is going through a hard time. Do you: Say “Well what do you want me to do about it?” Say “I’ll pray for you”, but don’t. Avoid them until you’re sure they’re ok. Pray with them when they tell you, then regularly pray for them and check to see how they’re going.

Because you care about your friends, do you: Regularly stalk their profile on Facebook. Lend them money and don’t make them pay you back for a week. Do nothing. You don’t care for your friends. Pray for them regularly, thanking God for them, and praying that they will know God better.