Flow and rhythm in your writing.

 Bad example: Jordan was a very handsome boy. Jordan had blue eyes. Jordan liked to smile because he had white teeth. Jordan was really tall. Jordan had black hair that was short. Jordan didn’t have any zits.  Good example: I always thought that Jordan was a dream. His eyes were a deep azure blue that could make a girl think she had found heaven. Thick, ebony hair, a tall, lithe form and a perfect complexion made Jordan impossible to ignore when he walked by. Yet, it wasn’t just his striking good looks that made one stop and stare; it was the way he smiled at everyone. When Jordan smiled, it was as if the world stood still for that moment…he was truly amazing.

 Bad: I like the color blue. It is a cool color. My friend likes red. I think he is weird. Red is okay. Blue is cook. Blue is like the sky. Red is like blood. I don’t like blood. Blood is gross. I like the sky. It is blue.  OR  I like the color blue but my friend likes the color red and I think he is very weird because red is just okay and blue is better than red. Blue is like the sky but red is like blood and I don’t like blood because it is gross but I do like the sky because it is cool and that is why I like the color blue.  Good: I really like the color blue. Ever since I was little, blue has been my favorite color because it reminds me of the sky. My best friend likes the color red. I guess red is an okay color. I suppose that I don’t like red as much because it reminds me of blood and blood is pretty gross. I think that I will just stick with the color blue. The way I see it, blue is a pretty cool color.

 Bad: The coach was coming in into the town. People was afraid. They knew that the new good sheriff was a coming and there would be a shoot-out with Doc Matson, the bad no-good outlaw who was a bad guy. It had been a scary summer cuz of all the crimes he had done to anybody. Would it get safer? People hoped it would get most safer.  Good: The people watched as the stage-coach pulled into the dusty town. Each man, woman and child knew that trouble was about to begin. Riding on the stage was the new sheriff…a man who had promised to rid the West of the notorious outlaw, Doc Matson. Would their town finally be safe? Or would this new stranger make their town an even bloodier place to live?

 Bad: The graveyard was scary. IT was dark but the moon was shining. Any moment I thought a ghost would pop up and I would die of being scared. I made my way towards the grave and even started shaking.  Good: The graveyard was deathly silent as I walked into the midst of tombs. Moonlight pierced the darkness around me, making the graves glow with an eerie, silver light. My mind was numb with fear as I half expected a ghostly apparition to appear at any moment. My entire body began to tremble, not from the cold, but from the extreme terror of my thoughts as I approached the forbidden tomb.

 Bad: I like dogs. Sometimes I play with my brother. My brother has was a dog when we were small. Small dogs are fun. My brother is a big person and is not small. When was little he was small even though he was still bigger than me. I have never been afraid of him because we share our new puppy. My dog barks all the time.  Good: My older brother is one of my best friends. Sure, we fight sometimes, but who doesn’t? He is quite a bit bigger than I am, but he has never been mean to me although I can be a pest. Since we get along so well, it has been fun for us to share our Christmas gift this year. We got a new puppy! Our dog is named ‘Dixie’ and even though she barks all the time, we really like her. I have never had a dog before, but my brother had one when he was little. He says that Dixie is a good dog and I agree.

 Get out a sheet of paper.  Choose one of the smooth fluency points we just covered.  Your assignment is to write a bad example and a good example of the point you choose (just like I did).  Turn it in to the box when you are finished.