Effective Parent Communication: Exploring basic concepts of effective communication aimed at enhancing the parent-child relationship

SOA_Psychology Dept_20062 The family is the first school in emotional efficiency… - Dr Rina De Klerk; Dr R Le Roux emotional intelligence: a practical guide for teachers and parents a healthy family ethos is thus deeply embedded in learning to recognise the value of emotions by showing empathy and listening carefully…

SOA_Psychology Dept_20063 Why Is Effective Communication Important?  We love our children & want them to grow up happy healthy & responsible  Our children love us & want our guidance, approval & support  How, what & when we communicate helps determine how our children will communicate with others  Children learn values from our words, our tones, our postures – through these we send messages to our children about our own beliefs & values  Our children need sound communication skills in order to problem-solve in a positive, healthy & affirming manner

SOA_Psychology Dept_20064 Healthy parent-child communication is pivotal to the development of a positive sense of self…

SOA_Psychology Dept_ Critical Developmental Frequencies…  Competency : developing skills, abilities & strengths to function independently…  Normality : learning to feel comfortable & at ease with his/her body, thoughts & feelings…  Self-extension : learning to contribute to family & society, developing values such as responsibility, respect (boundaries) & honesty; developing skills of intimacy for healthy relationships…  Self-worth : learning to trust & be trust-worthy; learning to communicate needs, feelings & desires appropriately; learning to listen to, value & understand the needs of others…

SOA_Psychology Dept_20066 Am I competent? What do I do well? Am I normal? Am I like everyone else? Am I loving? Am I capable of loving others? Am I lovable? Am I loved by others?

SOA_Psychology Dept_20067  Judging  Rejecting  Blaming/Criticizing  Labeling  Transferring  Ordering  Threatening/Bribing  Waffling  Nagging  Acting  Listening  Praising  Feeling  Respecting  Trusting  Affirming  Reflecting  Clarifying  Acting Road-BlocksBuilding-Blocks VS.

SOA_Psychology Dept_20068 ACTIVE LISTENING 5. SUMMARISING 1. ENCOURAGING 4. REFLECTING 2. FACT FINDING 3. RESTATING

SOA_Psychology Dept_20069 First seek to understand and then seek to be understood… - Anonymous

SOA_Psychology Dept_ The Parent as “Emotional Coach” Become aware of your child’s emotions. Listen empathically, validate feelings. (Want to tell me about it?) Recognize the emotion as an opportunity for intimacy & teach new skills, accept their feelings as feelings. (Don’t say, “ Of course you don’t hate your teacher! What a terrible thing to say!) Help your child find words to label the emotion he/she is experiencing. (Tell me the name of the feeling) Help your child to talk about & test their perceptions. (Why do you think he doesn’t like you?) Encourage your child not to act on initial feelings, but to allow time to think through the larger picture. (Write down what you want to say, but hang onto to it & see how you feel about it in the morning, parking-lot technique) Set limits to solve the problem at hand – not all behaviour is acceptable. (Time-out, blowing-off, journal-entry etc)

SOA_Psychology Dept_ Emotional Coaching Strategies… Avoid criticism/ humiliation Enable behaviour through choice Praise, praise & praise some more All feelings are permissible, not all behaviour Focus on solutions but don’t impose them Invite your child to talk Patience is a virtue Use the word ‘feel’ more & more

SOA_Psychology Dept_ Always Remember… Your power base is the emotional bond you share with your child… Talk, listen, encourage intimacy, don’t forget to dream, be patient, mind the post-box and sometimes… just hug!