Session Four: Bringing It All Together How Parents and Teachers Can Help Children Develop Healthy Personality Traits Session Four: Bringing It All Together Welcome, check in Allow ample time to discuss the reflections of their “homework” assignment

What role does the child himself play in personality development? The Self We are complex beings… What role does the child himself play in personality development? The child’s “self” is the complex totality of his person His “self” includes things such as: His physical body How others view him (and how this is perceived) How he sees, evaluates and defines himself

Self-Concept: Ideas about yourself Who are you? What are you? Describe your personality: How would your child answer these questions? Ask her! Discuss participant responses

Self-Concept (continued) Who enjoys being right? Do we seek out situations and people who will confirm that our beliefs are correct? Let’s say that we have a child who has a negative self-concept, she does not view herself positively… Question 1: Why? (Consider all of our previously discussed understandings of personality development) In the case of this child, we affirm that she lives in a home where her parents have extremely high expectations and are constantly telling her that she is inadequate in her abilities to meet those expectations Reference William B. Swann Jr.’s article Seeking “Truth,” Finding Despair: Some Unhappy Consequences of a Negative Self-Concept

Self-Concept (continued) Question 2: What type of environments/people does this child seek out? This child tends to play with a group of peers who do not treat her with respect and who are negative towards her WHY??? This is the child’s reality! Reference William B. Swann Jr.’s article Seeking “Truth,” Finding Despair: Some Unhappy Consequences of a Negative Self-Concept

Self-Concept (continued) Question 3: Does this mean that the child does not want to be around people who will evaluate her more positively? No! Everyone wants to be in environments where positive feedback is received. However, if the self-concept is negative, the desire to verify that your beliefs are “truth” will override the desire to seek the contrary. So…negative self-views can be exacerbated by the behavioral choices of the individual

Self-Concept (continued) As parents, how can we help our children develop positive self-concepts? Hint: it goes back to that unconditional acceptance and supportive parenting style stuff… What can teachers do to help their students develop positive self-concepts? Let’s change the child’s reality! Answers will vary: Parents: create a positive, affirming home environment Teachers: group children with peers who are accepting and encouraging Give specific suggestions; teach self-affirming exercises through activities such as “I Love Me”, my “Feel Good” envelope, etc.

Self-Esteem: The most important aspect of Self-Concept Self-Esteem is the emotional evaluation of Self-Concept You put on a new outfit that fits you perfectly. You just got a great haircut that you love. You look in the mirror and you look g-oo-ood! How do you feel?  You put on an outfit that is way too tight. It is faded and you discover that there is a big hole in the shirt. You just got a horrible haircut, your hair is chopped unevenly. How do you feel? 

Self-Esteem (continued) What made you feel good about looking good? What made you feel bad about not looking your best? Why do you care? Why do very young children still feel good about themselves, even if they are dressed in mismatched clothing with hair sticking up everywhere? We want to feel socially accepted and valued, and we want to avoid social rejection Reference William James: humans have a tendency to strive to feel good about themselves

Self-Esteem (continued) Self-esteem is self-evaluation, but we tend to judge ourselves by other people’s standards, or what we believe those standards to be People with high self-esteem are better off than people with low self-esteem Why? Kids might become so concerned about protecting their personal relationships that they compromise their inner integrity! Reference Mark R. Leary’s Making Sense of Self-Esteem article Peer pressure, or perceived peer pressure Our schemas are formed by how we perceive our environment

Self-Esteem (continued) What can parents (and teachers) do to foster high self-esteem? Make sure that your words and actions suggest that you love the child unconditionally, regardless of how the child is behaving Set forth definite criteria as to how the child should behave and expect the child to live up to those developmentally appropriate expectations. Be clear about and consistent with rules and limitations. Give the child freedom and respect for behavior that lies within the limits of the expectation. Do not reserve strong feelings for when the child falls short of meeting behavioral expectations, express pride and other positive feelings when the child succeeds, as well. Note: building positive self-esteem does NOT mean to approve of a child’s behavior regardless of whether it is good

Identity: The social definition of the self Identity is the definition of the self that is beyond a person’s inner mind, it is shared by the person, other people, and society at large What makes up identity? The self (how others know you, your reputation, etc.) The potential (what you may become) Values (principles, priorities) Our schemas are formed by how we perceive our social environment

Identity (continued) In previous centuries, people would live their entire lives in the same locale, having the same neighbors and friends throughout their lifetimes. In today’s mobile society, kids do not always have stable homes, strong family ties, a secure job and a well-established reputation, those things that contribute to a strong sense of identity.

Identity (continued) So, kids today are more likely to have conflict in developing a sense of identity, especially those who are not genetically “wired” to be as resilient. This typically begins around the adolescent period (something to look forward to, right?!) 

Resiliency in Personality Development Think back to your child’s first year of life…what disposition was that child born with? Was the child easy-going or easily agitated? How did you respond to the behaviors expressed from the given traits your child was born with? Again, understanding and accepting the child’s given personality traits is the first step you can take in helping the child develop a healthy personality The cycle: A child’s personality genes are expressed through their behavior, which affects their environment, the environment (parents) respond, and the environmental response affects the child’s behavior

Resiliency (continued) A naturally resilient child has an easier time establishing close bonds with others. An easy-going child generally functions well in any environment. A child who is not as laid back tends to be viewed as “high maintenance” and often evokes a higher stress response from others in their environment. Reference Emmy E. Werner’s Resilience in Development article

Resiliency (continued) Understand your child, accept your child, create an environment for each child that addresses the needs of their unique personality! A child who is not as resilient can become more so if the following is provided to them: Stability and consistency Unconditional nurturing and support to build confidence and high self-esteem Access to many competent, caring, positive adult role-models Opportunities to learn and practice communication and problem-solving skills Note: all children need these things, but some more than others

In Conclusion… Personality traits develop and can be modified up to late adolescence/early adulthood Personality traits are relatively stable over time, especially after late adolescence Personality drives behavior Biological/genetic traits play a significant role in personality development

Conclusion (continued) Personality is driven by inner forces we are not always aware of is learned is created through our relationships with others, especially our parents

Conclusion (continued) The totality of our self-perception is complex Personality is affected by our self-concept, self-esteem and identity How we perceive our environment affects our behavioral expressions to that environment Our mental framework that drives our perceptions-schema

Your Influence Parents and teachers play a critical role in the development of a child’s personality traits. It can feel like an overwhelming responsibility, but it is an awesome opportunity to help create a happy, healthy, well-adjusted adult. It is not simple nor is it easy, but with the following tips in mind, you can be that person who makes a positive influence in the life of a child:

Your Influence (continued) 1) Accept the child, in their totality, unconditionally. Show the child this love and support in both your words and actions. 2) Identify what is driving the child’s behavior. Instead of focusing on the behavior, put your efforts into meeting the needs of the child’s personality 3) Provide the child with a stable environment that fosters the development of their given personality traits in a safe, constructive way How wonderful it is that children have such a dedicated adult in their lives! References Derlega, V., Winstead, B., & Jones, W. (2005). Personality: Contemporary Theory and Research Wadsworth, California. Morf, C., & Ayduk, O. (2005). Current Directions in Personality Psychology, Pearson Education, New Jersey.