Relevant child development literature  As part of parent education  To build a working alliance  Demonstrates knowledge base  Child-focused  As rationale for positions in dispute resolution

Categories of Parent Education  Normative parent-child relationships and distortions associated with parent conflict  Child development research  Attachment formation, maintaining attachment relationships after separation  Age related cognitive, linguistic, social, emotional capacities and needs  Age related normative behaviors 2

Example: Using Child Development  Dispute about what type of summer camp for 7 year old boy:  Father promotes 2 week sleepover camp, says it will “toughen” him up and he needs that  Mother disagrees, says boy has rarely slept apart from parents, promotes 2 week day camp with 1 overnight each week  PC educates about lengthy separations, checks on child’s reactions to prior separations from parents, whether child is going with a friend, interviews child for his ideas/feelings about both options, provides feedback to parents, mediates agreement 3

High Conflict Impact on Children  Separation Difficulties, loyalty conflicts  Parentification - attachment insecurity  Surreal sense of “not existing”  In the Name of the Child – Johnston & Roseby  Impaired reality testing  Inaccurate perceptions, evaluative processes  Breeding ground for personality pathology

FAMILY DYNAMICS IN SEPARATION AND DIVORCE IMPACT OF PARENTAL CONFLICT ON CHILDREN Johnston and Roseby ’97  Disruptions of normal development due to exposure to contradictory realities of right and wrong  Belief in self and competence undermined  Distortions of information to maintain own view point

FAMILY DYNAMICS IN SEPARATION AND DIVORCE IMPACT OF PARENTAL CONFLICT ON CHILDREN Johnston & Campbell ’88  4 principle methods children use to cope: 1.MANEUVERING  masters at manipulating their parents to get their needs met  slowly learn to take care of themselves first and always  fail to learn empathy or compassion  become skilled at manipulating others for their own gain

FAMILY DYNAMICS IN SEPARATION AND DIVORCE IMPACT OF PARENTAL CONFLICT ON CHILDREN 2. EQUILIBRATING  diplomats par excellence—mediators  capable of withstanding high degree of conflict  try desperately to keep everything under control.  appear composed, well organized and competent, while underneath perpetually anxious  learn to hide their feelings and to seek safe ways to stay out of parental disputes

FAMILY DYNAMICS IN SEPARATION AND DIVORCE IMPACT OF PARENTAL CONFLICT ON CHILDREN 3. MERGING  enmeshed in the contest between their parents  lose sense of self: unable to identify own thoughts and opinions  arrested at the developmental level of 6 – 8 year old  continue to side with the parent they are with more of the time--imitate  split their identities in half and have little individual sense of themselves

FAMILY DYNAMICS IN SEPARATION AND DIVORCE IMPACT OF PARENTAL CONFLICT ON CHILDREN 4.DIFFUSING  the most dysfunctional and disorganized  respond to parents conflict same way they respond to other forms of stress  not strong enough to cope with high conflict  unable to develop adequate coping mechanisms; few resources  shatter emotionally—fall apart

Including Children in the Parenting Coordination Process

Why Talk to Children and Adolescents in the PC Process?  Child is brought into focus for parents  Child’s voice provides PC with more integrated and reliable view of family  Children are good observers of family life  Child feels acknowledged and heard  PC obtains input relevant to parental disputes and appropriate PC decisions

Why Talk to Children and Adolescents in the PC Process? (cont.)  PC provides relevant feedback to parents re: what is important to child  Talking to child enhances PC credibility with parents and children  Listening to children is not = to letting children make decisions  PC has long-term relationship with family ( Gallop et al, 2000; Kelly, 2002, 2008; Sanchez & Kibler-Sanchez, 2004)

Including Children in PC Process: Advantages for PC and Children  Understand the child’s experience in the high conflict family  Explore how things are working for child:  Parenting plan and transitions  Parenting of each parent (emotional support, discipline, communication about and with other parent)  Parent-child and sibling relationships  School, homework, friends

Including Children in PC Process: Advantages for PC and Children (cont.)  Explore children’s specific desires & ideas about parent disputes re: summer plans, activities, sports, parental attendance at events, therapy, etc.  Listening to children paradoxically takes them out of the middle of parent disputes  PC can support child’s desire not to be used to express parental anger/disputes

Children’s Views on Being Included in Divorce Processes: Research  Positive evaluations of the opportunity to be heard (in all forums studied)  Feel acknowledged re: centrality of issues to their lives  Think it leads to better decisions & outcomes  Most feel comfortable in interview situation rather than courtroom (Cashmore & Parkinson, 2008; Gallop et al 2000; IICRD evaluation, 2008; Kelly, 2002; Smart & Neale, 2000)

Children’s Views on Being Included in Divorce Processes: Research (cont.)  In contested cases with history of violence, abuse, and/or high conflict, children prefer to talk directly with a judge, compared to uncontested cases  They want to ensure that their views are heard correctly – tend not to trust parents’ lawyers, evaluators, court mediators ( Cashmore & Parkinson, 2008; Parkinson, et al, 2007)

Research on Interviewing Children: Parents’ Views  Majority of parents felt that children should be heard  Reasons: procedural justice, fairness, “it’s their life”, better decisions and outcomes  More parents than children worried about pressure & manipulation of views of child  Uncertain about appropriate age (unlike children who said those over age of 7 should be listened to) ( Cashmore & Parkinson, 2008)

Most Children and Adolescents are Clear…  They want to be involved and heard in matters that affect them  They understand the difference between providing input and making decisions  They prefer voluntary input and want the right not to be heard  Many wish they could talk with family members rather than professionals  (Cashmore & Parkinson, 2008; Gollop, et al, 2000; Kelly, 2002; Kelly, 2007; Parkinson & Cashmore, 2008; Smith et al, 2003; Smart, 2002; Taylor, 2006)

When Might the PC Choose Not to Include Children (cont.)  Parents are able to reach agreement on disputes with the PC’s assistance  Dispute not directly relevant to child  Child is too young to provide reliable information  Child has strong anxiety or opposition to participating in process  Child traumatized by violence, abuse, mental illness, afraid of talking about their views (Kelly, 2002; Saposnek, 2004; Warshak, 2003)

Potential Risks for PC in Listening to Children  Child vulnerable to parent pressure and manipulation  Child fears punitive response by parent  Child worried about parental well-being  Unstable opinions and wishes  Unhealthy identification with a parent  What child says he/she wants may not be in child’s best interest (Saposnek, 2004; Warshak, 2003)

Potential Problems of PCs in Talking to Children  PC lacks understanding of children’s cognitive & developmental abilities and psychological needs  Poor interview techniques yield poor information  PC uses confirmatory strategies to get answers that PC wants or thinks are correct  PC language and questions not age appropriate  PC approach is too therapeutic, vague, lacking structure, unfocused  Dismissal of child’s views by PC (Kelly, 2002)