Exercise 2

No.1  (Worse) Either the supply or consumers determines the market outcome.  (Better) Either the supply or consumers determine the market outcome.

[Note 1.18]  Whenever or or nor connects two subjects, the subject closest to verb should determine whether the verb is singular or plural.  Since consumers is the closet to verb, the verb should be plural.

No.2  (Worse) The department chairman and professor are my current employer.  (Better 1) The department chairman and professor is my current employer.  (Better 2) The professor who acts as the chairman is my current employer.

[Note 1.19]  Although a plural verb is usually used when two or more subjects are connected by and, a singular verb should be used when the two or more subjects refer to the same person or thing.

No.3  (Worse) Telecommunications have been widely studied in recent years.  (Better) Telecommunications has been widely studied in recent years.

[Note 1.20]  Because a noun is plural in form (ending in s or es) does not mean that it is plural in meaning.  Like telecommunications, other examples such as mathematics, physics and economics take singular verbs because they refer to a singular body of knowledge.

No.4  (Worse) The optimization phrase determines a feasible factor level combination to optimize the process quality. This may be difficult for users without previous statistical training.  (Better) The optimization phrase determines a feasible factor level combination to optimize the process quality. This approach may be difficult for users without previous statistical training.

[Note 1.21]  Beginning a sentence with This or That may confuse the reader as to what the writer is referring to.  In this sentence, the reader could confuse This to refer to only optimization phrase, feasible factor level combination or process quality.  Instead, adding approach behind This lets the reader know what the author is referring to in the previous sentence.

No.5  (Worse) After the board meeting was finished, they left the room.  (Better 1) After the board meeting was finished, the participants left the room.  (Better 2) The participants left the room after the board meeting was finished.

[Note 1.22]  A writer occasionally use a pronoun to imply what it refers to, thereby assuming that the reader will know what referent for pronoun is.  However, some readers do not understand what the writer is implying when a pronoun is used.  Since the board meeting is made up of participant, the writer used the pronoun they, assuming that the reader would understand. However, this implied meaning often creates confusion.

No.6  (Worse) It is preferred in standard methods to select a tentative model based on censored data.  (Better) Standard methods prefer selecting a tentative model based on censored data.

[Note 1.23]  Spoken English often uses they, it, and you without a particular referent in mind.  For example “In Taiwan, they use chopsticks.” However, in writing, they, it, and you should not be used unless they have an antecedent.

No.7  (Worse) This study focuses on examination of Taguchi’s two step procedure and demonstrating how the wafer quality is improved in the deposition process.  (Better) This study examines Taguchi’s two step procedure and demonstrates how the deposition process improves the wafer quality.

[Note 1.24]  A sentence is not parallel when a noun (examination) and a gerund (demonstrating) are used together.

No.8  (Worse) The two step procedure attempts to identify those factors that signficantly affect the signal-to-noise (SN) ratio and finding the adjustment factors that markedly influence the mean.  (Better) The two step procedure attempts to identify those factors that significantly affect the signal-to- noise (SN) ratio and find the adjustment factors that markedly influence the mean.

[Note 1.25]  A sentence is not parallel when using an infinitive (to identify) and a gerund (finding) are used together.

No.9  (Worse) The adjustment factors are found by selection of the appropriate levels and to vary the surrounding factors.  (Better) The adjustment factors are found by selecting the appropriate levels and varying the surrounding factors.

[Note 1.26]  A sentence is not parallel when a noun (selection) and an infinitive (to vary) are used together.

No.10  (Worse) Being a volatile compound, the chemist handled the mixture with extreme caution.  (Better) Because the mixture was a volatile compound, the chemist handled it with extreme caution.

[Note 1.27]  In this sentence, the mixture rather than the chemist was a volatile compound.  The revised sentence eliminates the dangling modifier.

No.11  (Worse) The new computer has many improved functions that reached the market last week.  (Better) The new computer that reached the market last week has many improved functions.

[Note 1.28]  A common mistake of technical writers is the use of a misplaced modifier when the clause or phrase does not clearly modify what it should.  In the revised sentence, the modifying clause that reached the market last week is placed next to what it should modify, The new computer, this eliminating confusion.

No.12  (Worse) The model offered by the manufacturer with the latest functions has many advantages over older models.  (Better) The model with the latest functions offered by the manufacturer has many advantages over older models.

[Note 1.29]  Placing the modifying phrase with the latest functions in the wrong place erroneously states that the manufacturer not the modem has the latest functions.

No.13  (Worse) The input’s power is greater than the output.  (Better) The input’s power is greater than that of the output.

[Note 1.30]  The comparison in this sentence is illogical.  Instead of comparing power to the input, either power is compared to power or input is compared to input.  The revised sentence makes the sentence logical.

No.14  (Worse) The back propagation network can be used estimate the mapping function between the two variables.  (Better) The back propagation network can be used to estimate the mapping function between the two variables.

[Note 1.31]  Make sure that necessary words are not missing. Otherwise, the meaning will be unclear.

No.15  (Worse) The novel algorithm is more efficient in terms of computational cost.  (Better) The novel algorithm is more efficient than conventional ones in terms of computational cost.

No.16  (Worse) Turn on the machine and the valve should be closed.  (Better) Turn on the machine and close the valve.

[Note 1.32]  The writer should avoid shifting moods, particularly from imperative (i.e. stating a command) to indicative (i.e. stating a fact or question).

No.17  (Worse) The academic advisor asked the graduate student if the paper was completed and is it ready to send to journal for review?  (Better) The academic advisor asked the graduate student if the paper was completed and ready to send to journal for review.

[Note 1.33]  The writer should avoid shifting from indirect course (i.e. reporting what the speaker said) to direct course (i.e. stating the actual words of the speaker), or vice versa.

No.18  (Worse) The laboratory manager arranged the meeting and the discussion was led by him.  (Better) The laboratory manager arranged the meeting and led the discussion.

[Note 1.34]  Shifting the subject from laboratory manager to discussion makes this sentence less emphatic and confuses the reader from identifying the important subject.