Comparative Essay Reviewing and Improving Your Essay

Look at the question carefully. What is the question actually focusing on? Go through the question and underline key phrases. Review: What are the key phrases? The Question

 Setting the Scene The Thesis!

Do NOT just restate the question!!! Avoid using vague words like people, things, stuff. Avoid saying “similar, but different”. Instead of saying “they had similar aspects in government”, state what those aspects are. Remember, you are introducing the reader to the rest of the essay. Thesis

 For several hundred years the Mongols ruled over both Russia and China. After casting off Mongol domination, both areas began a process of political and cultural recovery. Compare and contrast these processes in Russia and China.

 Things to Remember  1) Note the key words in this essay prompt: compare and contrast. This means you must write a thesis that expresses what China and Russia had in common and where they were different. In short, your thesis must address the comparison. .

 2 ) Your thesis (and essay) should stay within the parameters of the question or prompt. An essay on the Columbian exchange should not deal with the Swahili Coast of Africa.  3) Next, your thesis should state an opinion. Be bold. Do not merely restate the question or one of its assumptions. To argue a point, you must first of all have one. The following is not an acceptable thesis; it simply restates information given by the prompt:  Russia and China both gained freedom from Mongol domination

 Bad The recovery of Russia and China after the Mongols had many similarities and differences.  The above sentence is vague, wimpy, and is really just a restatement of an assumption in the prompt. It is a fluttering of loose ends needing to be nailed down onto concrete categories. Now look at this one. 

 Better When Russia and China recovered from Mongol domination they had similar political goals but different cultural goals.  This thesis is getting there. It at least declares in general categories how the paths of China and Russia were different and how they were similar after the Mongols. It has broken down (analyzed) these things into categories that lend themselves to a well defined essay. But it could be better. Note the difference between the above thesis and the one below: 

 Best While both Russia and China built strong centralized governments after breaking free from the Mongols, Russia imitated the culture and technology of Europe while China became isolated and built upon its own foundations.

Unlike other forms of writing, there is no need for anything else but the thesis in the introduction. In your essay, cross out anything that is not part of the thesis. The, highlight the thesis statement. Introduction and Thesis

Highlight the topics in one color Use another color to highlight the similarities Another color for the differences Put a question mark above any words that are too general or vague Cross out any words or phrases that are repeated Use a fourth color to identify analysis (reason for why there is a similarity or difference) Review Your Thesis

Revise the thesis. Read it out loud to yourself. Have you set the scene by giving the reader the sample of what the essay is about? Revise the Thesis

Must have a topic sentence that introduces the paragraph. Identify the similarities of the topic. Include evidence which is specific detail relating to that topic. Anything that is not related or just “fluff” do not include. If the comparison is generalized meaning just using words like “things”, it needs to be more specific. First Paragraph

Must have an analysis of the topic. This is the cause/reason/explanation of why the two places have this similarity or difference. This is answering why something occurred. It is not enough just to mention the similarity or difference. If mentioned in thesis, elaborate on it. First Paragraph

Do the same thing with the other body paragraph, but this paragraph should be about differences. Next Body Paragraph

The conclusion is a revision of the thesis. You need to restate it in a new and convincing way. You should NOT be introducing a whole set of new material. Do NOT just recount what the essay was about, and do NOT just restate the thesis. Do NOT just say they were “similar, yet different”. This is a very weak conclusion. Conclusion

Make sure to go back and read over your essay. Read aloud or move your mouth while you read – it will help pick anything that sounds awkward. Go back through the essay and remove any words that have been repeated more than twice in a paragraph and replace them with a different word. Especially words like similar, different. Take out anything that does not directly relate to the subject at hand - things that just were added to make the paragraph longer. Review the Essay