Professional Boundaries in Ministry Fall Theological Conference Intro of self History of working with boundaries Rick Loseth, LICSW PACT 4 Families Collaborative 320 -231-7030 ext. 2976 rick_l@pactforfamilies.org

Welcome Purpose of Morning spend a couple of hours in discussion on the broad topic of “professional boundaries” how “electronic communication” has impacted boundaries and your ministry Why “groups” First half of training – overview of Boundary Basics Second Half – Review of Ethics and Practice

Introductions Who’s here Length of time in paid ministry Less than 5 yrs 5 to 10 yrs 10 to 15 yrs 15 plus yrs Ordained Pastor Youth Minister Serve as the only pastor at your church Serve with another pastor or other staff BRIEF intro of self – name and where you work/what you do – kids or adults?

Boundaries What are Boundaries? They help define space, what is yours or mine, how we do or not do, etc. Boundaries are the defining space which clarifies “you” and “me” Help to make sure we are using time, space, things, feelings and relationships in the most appropriate way Help ensure the best use of things, use that is consistent with our intentions, and with their original purpose Boundaries provide for safe connections between individuals Boundaries – an overview Purpose – Definitions In general terms – boundaries imply the defining or determining a limit WHY ARE BOUNDARIES NECESSARY? “A professional is a member of one of the learned professions trained to actively apply a specialized body of knowledge”

Boundaries Boundaries involves Self Discipline Are the limits we place on ourselves (discipline) The limits we place around ourselves (prevent invasion of space, etc) Boundaries help clarify and communicate our intentions Agreements with what is appropriate, what is not (cultural influences) Boundaries are not arbitrary Boundaries can also be confusing (cultural, family of origin) Just as boundaries define limits of a parcel of land – there are human boundaries which define personal limits -They give substance to our human relationships that govern our interactions -Boundaries influence how we set all our relationships FRIENDS FAMILY -Are intertwined with how we define the roles that our interactions -Boundaries support relationships and give structure within which relationships can grow -*They allow us to determine what we are responsible for in a relationship and the appropriate limits of that relationship Our personal boundaries are often conveyed non-verbally as well as verbally and may be determined by personal world view, by role, by custom and even laws Are present in every relationship we have, but differ in intensity and practice according to the nature of the relationship Boundaries help negotiate the relative balance of power present in every relationship*

Boundaries Boundaries ultimately convey Respect Are reasons for boundaries Setting limits, making agreements in relationships, is an essential way of loving our neighbors as ourselves Is also the recognition that my actions have potential to be positive or negative Is the recognition that my actions have potential to be positive or negative

Boundaries -summary Boundaries involve your belief system, values, morals, emotions, and your life experiences Healthy boundaries serve to define who you are, contain you and protect you Boundaries are the guidelines that assist you with appropriate closeness and separateness in relations with self and others

Boundaries and Relationships Managing our professional relationships are essential to being effective in our jobs Professional Boundaries are intended to create safe, positive connections with those we are involved with Is critically important – our ‘clients’ are all struggling at some level with ‘boundaries’… In counseling, boundaries are designed o provide relationships with structure and safety In helping relationships, boundaries are maintained for the benefit of the counselee, who is vulnerable and in need Boundaries provide structure for the process, safety for the client, and the required distance for effective therapeutic work. They also become the means by which we manage both power and vulnerability in relationship The ability to establish “safe” connections is part of our professional responsibility. The professional role is held by anyone claiming to have special expertise about a particular body of knowledge (or redefine?)

Professional vs. Personal Relationships Professional Personal At table: identify aspects of Professional relationships – give examples – PAID- TRAINING ASK SOMEONE TO WRITE DOWN WHAT GROUP IDENTIFIES

Professional vs. Personal Relationships Paid Training Education Job Description Time Limited Power Imbalance Supervision Can “choose clients” Confidentiality Goals/purpose Records Licensure Defined place/time to meet GATHER EXAMPLES – THEN SHOW SLIDE

Professional vs. Personal Relationships Power is unequal Self disclosure - one way Generally time-limited Meeting location defined Time limited/ session times Paid for time Training/education required Professional standards Licensure Records kept Specific Goals Personal Aims at equal power Two way self-disclosure Can last forever Can meet anywhere No time limits Unpaid No training required No defined standards No licensure needed No records kept No goals COMAPRE AND CONTRAST THE TWO

Professional – Personal - Ministerial Relationships What is unique about a “Ministerial” relationship as compared to the other two? What blurs the lines between personal professional ministerial relationships? What changes in a “ministry” relationship? Does it change?

Professional – Personal - Ministerial Relationships How does “power” influence relationships for those in ministry? How does our “power” influence communication with members in the congregation? When doing the talking? When doing the listening?

Communication - All communication has rules – some explicit, others implicit What are some of these “rules”? For speaking For writing

A Continuum of Boundary Keeping Clear / Blurring of / Boundary Boundary Boundaries Violation ALWAYS O.K. / SOMETIMES O.K. / NEVER O.K___ USE TO ILLUSTRATE SOME OF THE EXAMPLES OF WHAT HAS BEEN DISCUSSED – SET STAGE FOR DISCUSSION

How has electronic communication impacted the way we communicate? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0eUeL3n7fDs The Social Media Revolution 2012

What has changed?................ Expectations Time Access Feedback/non-verbal How else??

How have the changes in electronic communication affected….. Your ministry how you relate to others in the congregation how you relate to other church staff Your congregation How the congregation communicates “formally” How the congregation communicates “informally” Share one or two examples of each

Impact…… What impact have these changes had on your ministry? In how you relate to your parishioners? In how you relate to other staff? Are they positive? Negative??? Or ?????

Impact…… Talk about one “thing” you are doing to positively manage your: Professional Boundaries Your Electronic Boundaries For yourself For your congregation

Guidelines – some ideas Expectations –what is Professional vs. Personal communication? Time –when am I communicating electronically? Access- what needs to be dealt with now vs. waiting? Feedback/Non- verbal- what needs to be done in person? What else??

Guidelines –Next steps….. Do I have a set of “guidelines” I use when communicating by email/texting/other electronic forms? Does our church/staff have guidelines for youth and lay leaders to use? What will I do when I go back to my congregation/ministry setting with the discussion from today?

Thanks! Rick Loseth, LICSW PACT for Families Collaborative 320-231-7030 ext. 2976 rick_l@pactforfamilies.org