I NTRO

K ID SNIPPETS VALENTINES DAY

W HAT DO WE NEED TO LIVE ? Needs Desires

W HAT IS L OVE ? 7 C HARACTERISTICS 1. Kindness: the joy of meeting someone else’s needs before your own simply for the sake of the relationship. 2. Patience: allowing someone to be imperfect. 3. Forgiveness: being able to give and ask for forgiveness 4. Courtesy: The act of treating everyone as a personal friend. 5. Humility: a peacefulness of heart that allows you to stand aside in order to affirm te value of someone else. 6. Generosity: Giving your attention, time, abilities, money, and compassion freely to others. 7. Honesty: Always revealing who you really are.

“No matter what our backgrounds are, being a loving person does not come without work. Something in our make up as humans fights against our desire to love authentically.” We do not have to be taught to lie, or to act selfishly for some reason it just comes naturally and for many of us it becomes our way of life. But the truth is we are all drawn to true love. “True love serves others because only in serving do we find satisfaction in relationships. Whether we are conscious of it or not, when we act without love, we are not being true to our core identities. Because we are made for relationships, when we offer authentic love to someone, we are being who we really are. So cultivating the seven characteristics of love helps us build the strongest possible relationships.” When we make the CHOICE to truly love, our desire to grow in love and show our true selves begins to flow more naturally. Our goal needs to be to open our hearts and minds daily to look for opportunities to share love with others. The more we do this, the more easily we love others and receive love from others. Love is a choice!

3 Q UESTIONS H ERE ARE THREE QUESTIONS YOU CAN ASK YOURSELF ON A REGULAR BASIS TO HELP CULTIVATE A LOVING LIFE STYLE : 1. What can I do to help someone today? 2. How can I make someone's life easier? 3. How can I be a better ( friend, boy/girlfriend, daughter/son, student) today.

T HE POWER OF OUR WORDS  “Words Kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit-you choose.” (ancient proverb)  “The good person brings good things out of the good stored up in their heart, and the hurting person brings hurtful things out of the hurt stored up in their heart. For out of the overflow of our heart our mouth speaks.”  Listen to your words; Own them. If they bring hurt to others take the time to figure out what is going on in your heart that makes you use your words to hurt others.  We will never have healthy, happy, long lasting relationships until we deal with our own hearts/hurts.

1. There is probably only one person meant for you. 2. Breaking up should be done slowly so you don't hurt the other person too much. 3. If you feel the "chemistry," (i.e. intense attraction), it's probably love. 4. If you find the right person you will be happy. 5. Opposites attract. 6. Happy couples have fewer differences and argue less than unhappy couples. 7. On average people have one serious romance before they find someone they want to marry/commit to. Test Your Love Smarts True or False?

F OUNDATIONS OF A H EALTHY R ELATIONSHIP Talk Positive starters Deepening & Developing Mature

F OUNDATIONS OF A H EALTHY R ELATIONSHIP Talk Taking time to become Friends Sharing Experiences Shared Values, Honoring Boundaries Dating Similarities in Backgrounds Similar Expectations/Prioritie s Trust Commitment/Mar riage Sex Shared goals Positive starters Deepening & Developing Mature

W HAT DO MOST OF T ODAY ’ S R ELATIONSHIPS LOOK LIKE ?

Sex

One- Sided Meant something only to one person

Sex One- Sided Meant something only to one person Communication Not so great

Sex One- Sided Communication Not so great Few Common Interests, Time Together Not Much Fun Not much there Meant something only to one person

Sex One- Sided Communication Not so great Not much there Doesn’t Feel Like a Friend Not really Meant something only to one person Few Common Interests, Time Together Not Much Fun

Sex One- Sided Communication Not so great Not much there Not really You Have No Commitment/Trust Non e Meant something only to one person Few Common Interests Time Together Not Much Fun Doesn’t Feels Like a Friend

Inverted Relationship Pyramid Not Really Mature No Development One-Sided One-SidedRelationship No Positive Starters Communication Not Great Few Common Interests; Time Together Not Much Fun Doesn’t Feel Like a Friend YOU HAVE NO COMITMENT, NO TRUST! SEX SEX No Foundation

The Brain Chemistry of Love For weeks or months you get a big shot of the “love chemicals.” Those chemicals make it easy to slide into a risky or poor relationship and make poor sexual choices. Slide 3.21

3-6-9 R ULE For the first three to six to nine months you will not think or see clearly because of the effect of these love chemicals. This is called the Infatuation stage.

J UST A NASTY GRUMPY DOG !

W HAT YOU MAY NOT BE SEEING No common interests Values out of sync Not really fun or interesting Can’t communicate Negative person/moody Uses people Not committed to school Dishonest Always blaming others Changes just to please others Angry & aggressive Abuses substances Cheats; not faithful In trouble with the law

3-6-9 Month Tip Enjoy the great feelings….but remember you won’t see clearly until those chemicals settle down a bit. Have fun, get to know each other. WAIT a while on big decisions!

O UR FEELINGS CAN AND DO LIE TO US !

D ID Y OU K NOW ? 8 out of 10 first-time sexual relationships last six months or less. 1 out of 4 are one-time occurrences. 47% percent of year old teens have had sexual intercourse (53% have not). The majority of sexually experienced teens wished they’d waited. (Almost 7 in 10 girls & 5 in 10 boys.) So, more than ½ of all teens have not had sexual intercourse, and of the half that have, most wish they had waited.

I S IT L OVE … OR IS IT I N I O N ? F A T

7 P RINCIPLES FOR SMART RELATIONSHIPS 1. Seek a good match-someone with common interests. 2. Pay attention to values. 3. Don’t try to change someone into someone they are not. 4. Don’t change yourself to get someone’s love or friendship. 5. Expect good communication. 6. Don’t play games, be phony, or pressure someone. 7. Expect respect. Have standards for what you expect.

W HAT M AKES A G REAT R ELATIONSHIP ? S EVEN Q UESTIONS In a relationship right now? Use these questions to examine it. Or, examine a past relationship to better understand why it didn’t work. Use these questions to guide you in the future to help you know what to find out.

W HAT DOES THE WORD SAY TO YOU ? Healthy? Unhealthy?

S ELF -A SSESS TO F IND OUT IF A R ELATIONSHIP IS H EALTHY Workbook p. 12 Examine a current or past relationship (or a friend’s). Ask the 3 questions. Put an “X” on the line to best represent how the relationship feels. Identify three behaviors to make the relationship healthier. Healthy Unhealthy

B ASIC H UMAN N EEDS Physica l Emotional SocialMental

F UN IS IMPORTANT FOR RELATIONSHIPS ! Plan for fun—don’t get lazy. Mix it up. Do different things.

14 T IPS FOR T EENS Read through the 14 tips and star four or five you find personally useful. Why? Ask your parent or trusted adult to look at the list and star the four or five they think are most important. Compare lists and discuss your reasons.

P ARENT -T EEN C ONNECTION Ask your parent or trusted adult to rank the principles in order of importance. Then ask him or her to explain to you why the top two ranked are most important. Finally, ask him or her to think back to when he or she was a teenager. Is there any particular principle that would have been especially useful when he or she was your age?