DEALING WITH ABUSE Gloria Trotman, PhD Pastor Jansen Trotman Inter American Division

Definition  Domestic violence and abuse, also called intimate partner violence takes place when one person deliberately causes physical, or mental harm to another. This includes physical or psychological abuse, sexual assault, isolation or control of a victim’s money, home, etc.

Anyone can be an abuser if...  You were abused as a child  You witnessed abuse/violence when you were growing up  You are a substance abuser  You were raised in a home where females were told that they are inferior and males were taught that they had the right and authority to dominate women

Anyone can be an abuser if...  You are highly stressed and have poor parenting skills  You suffer from a lack of empathy

Anyone can be an abuse victim if..  You are from a family in which there was abuse  You were abused as a child  You have certain beliefs/behaviors that predispose you to becoming a victim  You have low esteem

Anyone can be an abuse victim if...  You crave acceptance  You have been a victim before  You are isolated from family/friends  You are constantly controlled, threatened, blamed, criticized by the abuser

Major Categories of Abuse  Physical abuse involves aggressive behavior towards the victim’s body: pushing, pinching, spitting, kicking, etc  Psychological abuse (emotional) includes consistent and harsh criticism, degrading, belittling, and name-calling. It can also include verbal threats, episodes of rage.

Major Categories of Abuse  Sexual abuse refers to inappropriate touching, verbal remarks; incest, molestation, rape, oral/genital contact or the fondling of breasts or genitals; insisting that the victim touch the perpetrator’s body.

Physical Elder Abuse  Ignoring the elderly person  Isolating an elder from friends or activities  Terrorizing or menacing the elderly person  Neglect or abandonment by caregivers  Financial exploitation

Stalking  “Any unwanted contact between a stalker and their victim, which directly or indirectly communicates a threat, or places the victim in fear.” National Center for Victims of Crime Stalking.  More than 3 million American women (18 – 24 years), are stalked each year. Chicago Tribune.

Dating Violence  About one in 11 teens reports being a victim of physical dating abuse each year.  About one in four teens reports verbal, physical, emotional or sexual abuse each year.  The overall occurrence of dating violence is higher among black (13.9%) than Hispanic (9.3%) or white (7.0%) students.

Steps to Recovery the victim  Get help. See a doctor.  Go to a counselor.  Stay away from predators.  Watch diet, exercise, sleep, and study your Bible.

 Stay away from children and possible victims.  Diet, exercise and get sleep.  Find a buddy—one to whom you can be accountable. Steps to Recovery the victim

Still More Steps to Recovery The Abuser  Be honest with yourself  Get counseling.  Study your Bible, attend church regularly and pray “without ceasing.”

Still More Steps to Recovery The Abuser  Avoid all materials (music, movies, internet, etc) related to violence/abuse.  Be careful with your choice of friends.  Rely on God for strength. Phil. 4:13  Remember that God is able to keep you. Jude 24

What Role Should the Church Play?  Education of the church, including parents and children  Screening of volunteers who work with children  Protection policies for children  Reporting all forms of abuse

What Role Should the Church Play?  Dealing with perpetrators  Advocacy for all victims  Counseling  Be familiar with the official statement of the SDA Church on violence.

How Can the Church Help the Victim?  Teach victims that it is OK to admit the problem and face the truth.  Teach victims to identify and manage their emotions.  Teach victims to identify and manage their feelings of shame.

How Can the Church Help the Victim?  Teach the victims to place the blame where it belongs—on the perpetrator.  Teach them to keep away from the perpetrator and recognize dangerous situations.

How Can the Church Help the Victim?  Prepare victims to get out of the abusive relationship.  Teach victims to set barriers.  Provide counseling.  Encourage victims to claim God’s promises and strength for the future.

How Can the Church Help the Perpetrator?  Teach him/her to admit his/her behavior, and accept that punishment is deserved.  Keep him/her out of activities that involve working with possible victims.

How Can the Church Help the Perpetrator?  Provide counseling. This is one of the most important contributions the church can make to the abused and abusers.

How Can the Church Help the Perpetrator?  Teach the importance of shunning pornographic and violent material.  Present God as forgiving and urge confession of sins to God.  Encourage the perpetrator to join a support group.

Hope for All… Teach victims to accept the power of God’s restoration, and to make a decision to enjoy a renewed life.

“Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves; for the rights of all who are destitute.” Proverbs 31:8

CONCLUSION  When we love working with and for the abused and suffering as Jesus did, we are fitted for heaven, and we will have heaven in our hearts.  In as much as we help the least of God’s children, we are really helping God, and He will remember it always.

Gloria Trotman, PhD Pastor Jansen Trotman Inter American Division