The Five Love Languages How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate Author: Gary Chapman

Keeping the Love Tank Full The need to feel loved is a primary human emotional need. At the heart of mankind’s existence is the desire to be intimate and to be loved by another. Keeping the love tank full is as important to a relationship as maintaining the proper oil level is to an automobile.

Warning: Understanding the five love languages and learning to speak the primary love language of your mate may radically affect his or her behavior. People behave differently when their emotional love tanks are full.

Love Language #1: Words of Affirmation Mark Twain once said: “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” One way to express love emotionally is to use words that build up. “The tongue has the power of life and death.” “An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.”

“I love it when you…..” Verbal compliments, or words of appreciation, are powerful communicators of love. They are best expressed in simple, straightforward statements of affirmations, such as: “You look sharp in that suit.” “I really appreciate you washing the dishes tonight.”

Ask yourself, “What can I do today to make my mate’s day even better?” The object of love is not getting something you want but doing something for the well- being of the one you love. It is a fact, however, that when we receive affirming words we are far more likely to be motivated to reciprocate.

Words of Affirmation Complimentary words Encouraging words Kind words Humble words Indirect words of affirmation: saying kind things to others about your mate

Love Language #2: Quality Time Giving your mate undivided attention A central aspect of quality time is togetherness. Not meaning just proximity…togetherness has to do with focused attention. Togetherness Quality Conversation and activities

Love Language #3: Receiving Gifts A gift is something you can hold in your hand and say, “Look, he/she was thinking of me, “ or, “He/she remembered me.”

Gifts If your mate’s primary love language is receiving gifts, you can become a proficient gift giver. In fact, it is one of the easiest love languages to learn. Visual symbols of love are more important to some people than to others. They are seen as expressions of love if receiving gifts is a primary love language.

Love Language #4: Acts of Service Defined as doing things you know your mate would like you to do. You seek to please your mate by serving her/him, to express your love for that person by doing things for that person.

What do acts of service look like? Acts of service can be anything that your mate likes and you don’t mind doing for them. Examples: ironing shirts, cooking special meals, going to a play or movie with them, perhaps a neck massage at the end of the day.

Acts of service: Helping with things and things with your mate, willingly, not because you are forced to do so. “Requests give direction to love, but demands stop the flow of love.”

“Due to the sociological changes of the past thirty years, there is no longer a common stereotype of the male and female role in American society.”

Love Language #5: Physical Touch Physical touch is a way of communicating emotional love. “Physical touch can make or break a relationship. It can communicate hate or love.”

Physical touch is a powerful vehicle for communicating love. Holding hands Kissing Embracing Sexual intercourse

For some: Physical touch is their primary love language. Without it, they feel unloved. With it, their emotional tank is filled, and they feel secure in the love of their mate.

How to discover your love language: Spend some time writing down what you think is your primary love language. Then list the other four in order of importance. Your giving and receiving love languages may not be the same.

Love Is A Choice Meeting your mate’s need for love is a choice you will make each day. If you know his/her primary love language and choose to “speak” it, his/her deepest emotional need will be met and he/she will feel secure in your love. “When an action doesn’t come naturally to you, it is a greater expression of love.”