DATING VIOLENCE

1 Murder every 34 minutes 2001 C RIME C LOCK O NLY REPORTED STATISTICS 1 Identity Theft every 19 minutes 1 person is killed in an alcohol-related traffic crash every 43 minutes 1 child is reported abused and/or neglected every 38 seconds 172 women are physically and/or sexually assaulted by an intimate every hour 1 Rape/sexual assault every 2 minutes 1 Motor Vehicle Theft every 34 seconds 1 Burglary every 9 seconds 1 Theft every 2 seconds 1 Aggravated Assault every 24 seconds 1 Robbery every 43 seconds 1 Violent Crime every 5 seconds

HUMAN BINGO Find different people who fit the descriptions in each square You cannot sign your own sheet A single person can only sign your sheet once. If there is something in parenthesis the person has to write the answer in the square

DATING VIOLENCE A pattern of physically, sexually, and or verbal/emotional abusive behavior in a dating relationship Can take many forms Statistics 1 in 4 teen reports verbal, physical, emotional, or sexual abuse each year 1 in 5 reports being a victim of emotional abuse

ROLES IN DATING ABUSE Abuser A person who physically, sexually, verbally, or emotionally hurts or attempts to control a intimate partner. Victim A person who is controlled or hurt physically, sexually, verbally, or emotionally by an intimate partner Bystander A person who is aware or suspects that someone is being abused in a dating relationship.

DATING VIOLENCE A pattern of physically, sexually, and or verbal/emotional abusive behavior in a dating relationship Can take many forms Statistics 1 in 4 teen reports verbal, physical, emotional, or sexual abuse each year 1 in 5 reports being a victim of emotional abuse 1 in 3 teens report knowing a friend or peer who has been physically abused Only 33% of teens who have been in or known abut an abusive relationship report having told anyone about it Almost 70% of young women who have been raped knew their attacker

CHARACTERISTICS OF ABUSERS Very jealous Reacts physically Raised in a abusive home Macho type, must always be in control Believes he has the right to beat other people Thinks the victim needs or enjoys the abuse Alcohol or drug use Isolates the victim from family and friends

CHARACTERISTICS OF VICTIMS Low self-esteem Insecure Feel they deserve the abuse Isolated Resists giving up on the relationship Fear of leaving the abuser Financial dependence Social implications Fear Personal beliefs about their partner

S IR E DWARD C OKE : “F OR A MAN ’ S HOME IS HIS CASTLE.”  Do you feel unhappy in your home?  Do you feel stifled in your home?  Do you feel like a prisoner in your home? 1. Determine if your home is a castle or a dungeon. Answer each question yes or no. Write down each yes number. (For example: 1B, 1C, 2A, etc.)

 Is your self-esteem shaky?  Is your self-esteem practically nonexistent?  Do you have no idea what self-esteem is? A. Do you seldom have friends visit? B. Do you feel ashamed to have friends visit? C. Do you have no friends left? A. Do you and your family argue occasionally? B. Do you and your family argue constantly? C. Are you afraid to argue with members of your family? 4.

A. Have you threatened to leave if things don’t change? B. Have members of your family promised to change? C. Has anyone in your family threatened suicide if you leave? 5. A. Have you thought about running away? B. Have you made plans to run away” C. Have you or others in your family ever actually run away? 6.

A. Do people ridicule each other in your home? B. Does the ridicule provoke tears on a regular basis? C. Is someone suicidal from being ridiculed? 7. A. Does making up always include gifts? B. Do gifts seem better after a fight? C. Do you only receive gifts after fights? 8.

A. Has anyone in your family ever been hit? B. Has anyone gone to the emergency room? C. Do they know you by name at the emergency room? 9. A. Has anyone in your family lied to friends about their bruises? B. Has anyone in your family lied to another family member about their bruises? C. Has any member of your family lied to the police about bruises? 10.

A. Do you stay awake nights if a member of your family is out late? B. Do you stay awake nights afraid the police will call? C. Are you awake because you’re afraid a member of your family will kill you? 11. A. 1 point B. 2 points C. 3 points Add up your scores:

“T HE HELL YOU KNOW IS BETTER THAN THE HELL YOU DON ’ T.” H AVE YOU EVER STOPPED TO ASK : “W HY LIVE IN HELL AT ALL ?” A ND WHY ARE YOU LIVING IN A DUNGEON ? 0-11 Methinks this castle may have a dungeon It looks like a dungeon, smells like a dungeon and acts like a dungeon. 23+ Where did the rest of the castle go? All I can see is this dungeon!

CYCLE OF VIOLENCE – Phase 1 Tension Building Tension Building Things start to get tense Argue a lot Yell for no reason Makes false accusations Makes victim feel they can’t do anything right

CYCLE OF VIOLENCE – Phase 2 Tension Building Battering Incident Battering Incident Scream and yell Hit, grab, shove, kick, slam into the wall, etc. Throw objects Threaten to hurt the other person or someone they care about Rape or forced to go further sexually

CYCLE OF VIOLENCE – Phase 3 Tension Building Battering Incident Honeymoon Phase Honeymoon Phase Apologize and promise that it will never happen again Say “I love you” Buy flowers or gifts Accuse the victim of causing the abuse Blame the abuse on other things such as alcohol/drugs or stress

NICK AND CAITLIN Find at least two examples that indicate that the tension is building between Nick and Caitlin. When Nick does explode, what type of abusive behaviors does he demonstrate (battering incidents). In the honeymoon phase after the abuse, what does Nick tell himself to try and shift the blame for the abuse on Caitlin? What does he say to Caitlin to try and shift the blame onto her? After Nick is abusive to Caitlin, what does he do to try to convince her to stay with him?

CYCLE OF VIOLENCE Unfortunately, as this cycle is repeated over and over again, the violence will continue in both frequency and severity. Mild Moderate Severe Fatal Shoving Punching Threatening w/weapon Strangling Pushing Kicking Battering Stabbing Slapping Choking Stomping Shooting Marriage will not solve an abusive behavior, the violence will only worsen after marriage.

W ILL MARRIAGE MAKE THE ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR GO AWAY ? Abuse only gets worse after marriage. People stay in an abusive situation for many reasons. Financial dependence. Social implications. Fear. They believe they caused it. They believe the violence is temporary. They believe they should understand the abuser. Personal incompetence.

W HAT THE V ICTIM S HOULD K NOW The abuse is NOT your fault You do NOT deserve to be abused You cannot change someone who is abusive Staying in a relationship will not stop the abuse Over time, the abuse WILL get worse Make a safe plan to follow (to get out of the relationship)

H EALTHY R ELATIONSHIPS What makes a healthy relationship? Good communication Trust (no jealousy) Respect Honesty Concern for partner’s well being Being able to maintain own independance and identity

S EXUAL H ARASSMENT Unwanted conduct or communication of a sexual nature that adversely affects a person’s employment opportunities, relationships, or environment. It is illegal for a male or female employee to: Make unwelcome sexual advances or requests for sexual favors or other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature. Make submission to or rejection of sexual advances the basis for employment opportunities affecting employees. Create an intimidating, hostile, or offensive work environment through unwanted conduct or communication of a sexual nature.

S EXUAL H ARASSMENT MAY INCLUDE Sex role stereotyping which is demeaning and involves unequal treatment of an individual on the basis of that person’s gender. Gender abuse, which can be either visual or verbal, such as the display of demeaning posters, cartoons, nudity, or offensive sexual jokes about gender. Visual or verbal expressions about an individual which are sexual in nature. Cat calls, whistling, comments on clothes or body, repeatedly asking out an uninterested person, referring to adults as hunks, doll, babe, honey…., telling lies or spreading rumors about a person’s sex life Asking for sexual favors in exchange for something ANY unwelcome sexual behavior that makes you feel uncomfortable.

M ISC D EFINITIONS SEXUAL PRESSURE: refers to the use of physical force or emotional persuasion. It happens whenever anyone feels pressured to do something sexual that they do not want to do. Pressure can be verbal or nonverbal. SEXUAL EXPLOITATION: involves a person taking advantage of another person for purely sexual reasons.

SEXUAL ASSAULT: Refers to sexual contact without consent. It happens when anyone tricks or forces another person into sexual contact. Most frequently, it happens between people who know one another. Sexual assault is Unwanted sexual acts, ranging from exhibitionism to penetration, that involve threats, physical force, intimidation, or deception. Refers to sexual contact without consent. Rape is a term generally used to indicate an act of forced or coerced oral, anal, or vaginal penetration but can be defined more broadly.

Sexual violence An umbrella term that refers to any unwanted actions or activities of a sexual nature that often are intended to humiliate or degrade another person. The term is also used to describe similar actions or activities when they are imposed on an individual who is unable to: understand the nature or condition of the act decline participation communicate unwillingness to engage in the sexual act due to: illness disability influence of drugs or alcohol intimidation or coercion

Y OUR D ATING R IGHTS Change your mind Determine how much time you want to spend with your partner Pay your own way Assert yourself Not be abused Break up, fall in love, or leave the relationship

Y OUR D ATING R IGHTS To be treated with respect Your own body, thoughts, opinions and property Have your needs be as important as your partner’s Not take responsibility for your partner’s behavior Keep your friends Grow as an individual

R ESOURCES Statewide Teen Crisis Line TEEN National Hotline SAFE National Sex Abuse Hotline Emergencies 911

A SSISTING IN AN A BUSIVE S ITUATION To help someone else in an abusive situation, call the police. It is too dangerous for you to intercede. Offer emotional support to the victim afterwards.