Advanced Communication Skills: Was it something I said?

Networking Mental attitude Confidence (body language, voice, words) Communication (ask, listen, get, give) Good judgement Follow up

Objectives Build rapport in social/professional situations Deliver your message with enthusiasm, sincerity and clarity Improve your skills in communicating persuasively Give and receive criticism constructively Know when and how to use different strategies for handling conflict

Persuasiveness

What is persuasive communication? X Verbal Vocal Visual

It’s not about position

It’s not about using force

So why do people WILLINGLY do what you want? Because they.. know you like you respect you admire you

and because they… trust you owe you can see how it will benefit them want to fit in with the majority

and because you …. come across as competent/expert express clearly and succinctly what you want/need make it easy for them

The persuasive mindset Self-Control Clear goal Collaborative Compassionate Curious Courageous Committed

Plan What do I know about person? How can I hook them? What do I really want? What are my key points? How can I bring them to life? What objections are likely? What’s my back up option? What will make it easy for them to agree? What will I do if we can’t agree?

3As model of communication Plan 90 second focus Explore both stories Mutual understanding Generate options Agreed action plan accuracy agreement action goodwill creativity commitment

Make it two way!

Visual impact Eye contact Angle Hands Posture Facial animation Clothes

Vocal impact volumevolume Pace Ar-tic-ul-at-ion Pitch

Planning corrective feedback Mindset: desire to help, not hurt How much is helpful? Think what it says about you Time it close to the event

Giving corrective feedback Ask rather than tellAvoid emotion-laden words Be specificSupportive, open body language Be future orientedEnsure degree of agreement Beware assumptionsSuggest specific improvements Focus on behaviour, not personality

Kubler-Ross curve Shock Denial Frustration Depression Experiments Acceptance Decisions Integration

Handling criticism When do you respond positively to criticism? When do you respond negatively? What makes the difference? What could you do better?

Handling criticism Emotional self-control Roll with the punch Hold back & ask questions Repeat back Consider whether justified Avoid counter-attack Show you value feedback Ask for time Act on it!

Causes of conflict Respondents’ (%) rating as a most important source of conflict at work Average Personality clashes and warring egos 44 Poor leadership from the top 30 Poor line management 29 Poor performance management 21 Heavy workload/inadequate resources 14 Bullying/harassment 13 Lack of openness and honesty 12 Lack of clarity about accountability/ownership 12 Lack of role clarity 11 Clash of values 10 Stress 10 Taboo topics 9 Perceived discrimination 7 Poor selection of/pairing of teams 7

Self-talk in conflict It’ll sort itself out. I daren’t say anything. It might all blow up in my face. At least I can let off steam on the squash court later. Right, she’s had it now. I’m going to make her life a misery. I’ll call Liz. Maybe we can go for a quick coffee and I can get it off my chest. Right, now she’s had it. I’m going to make her life a misery.

How not to manage conflict Tension Mistrust Anxiety Fatigue Self-preservation Low morale Behind the scenes manipulation Manoeuvring for position Get you later games Sarcastic jokes Emotional blackmail Concealing/giving false information Defensiveness Office politics Gossiping Bullying Dysfunctional communication Poor decision making Lower performance STAGNATION

Competing: how it sounds Patronise ‘Calm down’ ‘I think you’ll find…’ ‘It was clearly stated….’ Clichés ‘I hear what you’re saying,…..but…’ ‘I understand your position.’ ‘With all due respect,…’ Judge ‘You’re over-reacting/ being unreasonable.’ ‘That’s just typical of a man/techy/you’ Impose solutions ‘What you need to do is ….’ ‘The best way forward is to..’ Trap ‘Surely you must admit that…’ ‘You’re not suggesting that …?’ ‘Isn’t it obvious that…? Avoid concerns ‘That’s not the point.’ ‘I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about.’ ‘What do you expect me to do about it? ‘Don’t be ridiculous.’ Give negative message ‘… not possible’ ‘….not our policy’ ‘ can’t do that’ Be defensive ‘ Look, it’s not my fault.’ ‘But I wasn’t informed of that.’ ‘That’s not true.’ Have the last word ‘Anyway it’s done now, so there’s nothing more to discuss.’

How to manage conflict Honest, direct communication Joint problem solving Sharing information Creative energy Mutual respect Assertiveness Trust Motivation Calmness Energy Collaborative effort Commitment Effective decision making Improved performance GROWTH

Stages of development of conflict