By Mark Dittloff, MS, LPC, LSOT At the Counseling Center of Denton WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Two Issues WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Two Issues 1) Reason for the Child’s Removal WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Two Issues 1) Reason for the Child’s Removal 2) How the Child Chooses to Interpret Placement WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Only Two Reasons for Removal WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Only Two Reasons for Removal 1) Abuse WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Only Two Reasons for Removal 1) Abuse 2) Neglect WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Abuse WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Abuse Emotional WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Abuse Emotional Verbal WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Abuse Emotional Verbal Yelling

WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN Abuse Emotional Verbal Yelling Swearing

WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN Abuse Emotional Verbal Yelling Swearing Name Calling

Abuse Emotional Verbal Non-Verbal WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Abuse Emotional Verbal Non-Verbal Contempt WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Abuse Emotional Verbal Non-Verbal Contempt Stonewalling WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Abuse Emotional Physical WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Abuse Emotional Physical Hitting WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Abuse Emotional Physical Hitting Throwing Things WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Abuse Emotional Physical Hitting Throwing Things Pulling Hair, etc. WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Abuse Emotional Physical Sexual WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Abuse Emotional Physical Sexual Not about sex but rather using sex to hurt the victim WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Working with Foster Children Neglect

Neglect Self-Harm WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Neglect Self-Harm Drug & Alcohol Addiction WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Neglect Self-Harm Drug & Alcohol Addiction Compulsions WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Neglect Self-Harm Drug & Alcohol Addiction Compulsions Addiction Transfer WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

John Bradshaw Abuse and Neglect are both Signs of a Child being Abandoned WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

John Bradshaw Abuse and Neglect are both Signs of a Child being Abandoned He would define abandonment as when a Parent is not there Emotionally for the Child WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

John Bradshaw Abandonment often leads to feelings of Shame and Anger in the Child WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Shame WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Shame Healthy Shame WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Shame Healthy Shame Designed to let us know we are not perfect---we make mistakes WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Shame Healthy Shame Designed to let us know we are not perfect---we make mistakes Toxic Shame WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Shame Healthy Shame Designed to let us know we are not perfect---we make mistakes Toxic Shame When it become how we define our self WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Shame Toxic Shame When it become how we define our self E.g..-I didn’t do something bad, I am bad WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

 Toxic Shame Flow Chart FamilyAbandonment ConsequencesActing Out Behavior Shame (Toxic)

Anger WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Anger Two Types of Anger WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Anger Two Types of Anger Lower Brain WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Anger Two Types of Anger Lower Brain Higher Brain WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Lower Brain Anger WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Lower Brain Anger Resides in the Amygdala WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Lower Brain Anger Resides in the Amygdala A Part of Our Fight or Flight Syndrome WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Lower Brain Anger Resides in the Amygdala A Part of Our Fight or Flight Syndrome Designed to Protect Us WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Higher Brain Anger WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Higher Brain Anger Turn to Higher Brain Anger When We Do Not Want to Deal With Our Primary Feeling

WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN Primary Feelings such as:

WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN Primary Feelings such as: Hurt

WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN Primary Feelings such as: Hurt Lonely

WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN Primary Feelings such as: Hurt Lonely Scared

WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN Primary Feelings such as: Hurt Lonely Scared Frustrated

WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN Primary Feelings such as: Hurt Lonely Scared Frustrated Confused

WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN Primary Feelings such as: Hurt Lonely Scared Frustrated Confused Ashamed

Higher Brain Anger Intimidation WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Higher Brain Anger Intimidation Incredible Hulk Syndrome WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Higher Brain Anger Intimidation Incredible Hulk Syndrome Give Me What I Want or You Will Not Like Want Happens WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Higher Brain Anger Intimidation About Power and Control WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Higher Brain Anger Intimidation About Power and Control Helpless and Hopelessness WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Higher Brain Anger Intimidation About Power and Control Helpless and Hopelessness Higher Brain Anger Comes Same Sources as Depression WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Higher Brain Anger Intimidation About Power and Control Helpless and Hopelessness Higher Brain Anger Comes Same Sources as Depression Same Coin---Just Heads & Tails WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Higher Brain Anger Intimidation About Power and Control Helpless and Hopelessness Higher Brain Anger Comes from the Same Source as Depression Same Coin---Just Heads & Tails WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

No One Gets into Trouble with Higher Brain Anger WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

No One Gets into Trouble with Higher Brain Anger It is What We Do With Our Anger that Gets Us Into Trouble WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

No One Gets into Trouble with Higher Brain Anger It is What We Do With Our Anger that Gets Us Into Trouble Aggression WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

No One Gets into Trouble with Higher Brain Anger It is What We Do With Our Anger that Gets Us Into Trouble Aggression is What Gets Us into Trouble WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Children Don’t Know How to Feel Ashamed WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Children Don’t Know How to Feel Ashamed So They Angry WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Children Don’t Know How to Feel Ashamed So They Angry Act Out WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Children Don’t Know How to Feel Ashamed So They Angry Act Out And Get into Trouble WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Dr. Daniel Seigel, Neuropsychology & Strategies for Working with Children WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Basic Brain Functions…Right Brain, Left Brain WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Left Brain Loves and Desires Order WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Left Brain Loves and Desires Order It is: Logical Literal Linguistic & Linear WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Right Brain in holistic and non-verbal WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Right Brain in holistic and non-verbal Sends and receives signals that allow us to Communicate via: Facial Expressions Eye Contact Tone of Voice Postures & Gestures WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Right Brain is: Holistic and non-verbal Cares about the Big Picture WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Right Brain is: Holistic and non-verbal Cares about the Big Picture The Meaning and Feelings of an Experience WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Right Brain Holistic and non-verbal Cares about the Big Picture The Meaning and Feelings of an Experience Specializes in images, emotions, and Personal Memories WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Right Brain Holistic and non-verbal Cares about the Big Picture The Meaning and Feelings of an Experience Specializes in images, emotions, and Personal Memories Where we get our “gut feelings” WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Right Brain Young Children are Right Brain Dominated (especially during their first three years of life) WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Right Brain Young Children are Right Brain Dominated (especially during their first three years of life) Have Not Mastered the ability to use logic and words to express their feelings WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Right Brain Young Children are Right Brain Dominated (especially during their first three years of life) Have Not Mastered the ability to use logic and words to express their feelings Live their lives totally in the moment WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Siegel Strategy #1-Connect and Redirect (Surfing Emotional Waves) WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Siegel Strategy #1-Connect and Redirect (Surfing Emotional Waves) Step One Connect with their Right Brain WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Siegel Strategy #1-Connect and Redirect (Surfing Emotional Waves) Step One Connect with their Right Brain Step Two Redirect with the Left Brain WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Siegel Strategy #2-Name It to Tame It (Telling Stores to Calm Big Emotions) One of the best ways to promote higher/ lower brain integration is to help retell the story of the painful or frightening experience WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Mental Staircase: Integrating the Upstairs and Downstairs Brains WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Mental Staircase: Integrating the Upstairs and Downstairs Brains Lower Brain More primitive Responsible for Basic Functions such as breathing, blinking WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Lower Brain More primitive; Responsible for Basic Functions such as breathing & blinking Innate Reactions and impulses like the Flight or Fight Syndrome WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Lower Brain More primitive; Responsible for Basic Functions such as breathing & blinking Innate Reactions and impulses like the Flight or Fight Syndrome Strong Emotions such as Fear and Anger WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Higher Brain Where Intricate Mental Processes take Place WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Higher Brain Where Intricate Mental Processes take Place Such as: Thinking Imagining & Planning WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Higher Brain Where Intricate Mental Processes take Place Such as: Thinking Imagining & Planning Sound Decision Making Control Over Emotions and Body Self Understanding Empathy Morality WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

While the Downstairs Brain is well developed Even at Birth WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

While the Downstairs Brain is well developed Even at Birth…The Upstairs Brain isn’t fully mature until a person reaches their mid-twenties WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

While the Downstairs Brain is well developed Even at Birth…The Upstairs Brain isn’t fully mature until a person reaches their mid-twenties It is one of the last parts of the Brain Developed WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

While the Downstairs Brain is well developed Even at Birth…The Upstairs Brain isn’t fully mature until a person reaches their mid-twenties It is one of the last parts of the Brain Developed Remains under Massive Construction for the first Few Years of Life WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

While the Downstairs Brain is well developed Even at Birth…The Upstairs Brain isn’t fully mature until a person reaches their mid-twenties It is one of the last parts of the Brain Developed Remains under Massive Construction for the first Few Years of Life Under goes extensive remodeling during teen years that lasts until adulthood WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

The Upstairs Brain isn’t fully mature until a person reaches their mid-twenties It is one of the last parts of the Brain Developed Remains under Massive Construction for the first Few Years of Life Under goes extensive remodeling during teen years that lasts until adulthood or Since it is under construction it is not capable of fully functioning all the time…meaning it cannot be integrated with the lower brain and/or consistently work at it’s best WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Consequently, Children are Prone to getting “Trapped Downstairs” without access to the Upstairs Brain WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Consequently, Children are Prone to getting “Trapped Downstairs” without access to the Upstairs Brain Meaning: Children will “Fly Off the Handle” Make Poor Decisions & Show a General Lack of Empathy and Self-Understanding WORKING WITH FOSTER CHIL DREN

Amygdala’s Job is to Quickly Process and Express Emotions WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Amygdala’s Job is to Quickly Process and Express Emotions Especially Anger and Fear WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Amygdala’s Job is to Quickly Process and Express Emotions Especially Anger and Fear Remains on Alert for times we Might be Threatened WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Amygdala’s Job is to Quickly Process and Express Emotions Especially Anger and Fear Remains on Alert for times we Might be Threatened For Children, the Amygdala often Fires Up and Blocks the Stairway Connecting the Upstairs and Downstairs Brains WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Best way to ease the Children Through this Crisis is to Sooth Them and Shift Their Attention WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Upstairs Temper Tantrum is When the Child Decides to Throw a Fit WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

There is No Sense in Talking About Consequences or Appropriate Behavior when the Child is in the Middle of a Lower Brain Tantrum because that Conversation Requires a Functioning Upstairs Brain that can Listen and Assimilate Information WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Parents First Job has to be to Calm the Amygdala WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Siegel Strategy #3: Engage, Don’t Enrage (Appealing to the Upstairs Brain) WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN

Working with Foster Children As Your Self which Part of the Child’s Brain are you appealing to?

Working with Foster Children As Your Self which Part of the Child’s Brain are you appealing to? The Upstairs Brain?

Working with Foster Children As Your Self which Part of the Child’s Brain are you appealing to? The Upstairs Brain? Or, The Lower Brain?

Working with Foster Children As Your Self which Part of the Child’s Brain are you appealing to? The Upstairs Brain? Or, The Lower Brain? Your Answer can Go a Long Way to Determining the Outcome of One of those Delicately Balanced Parenting Moments

Working with Foster Children Siegel Strategy #4: Use It or Lose It (Exercising the Upstairs Brain)

Working with Foster Children Siegel Strategy #4: Use It or Lose It Self Understanding-Ask Questions that Help the Child Look Beyond the Surface of What They Understand

Working with Foster Children Siegel Strategy #4: Use It or Lose It Self Understanding-Ask Questions that Help the Child Look Beyond the Surface of What They Understand Empathy-Ask Questions about the Consideration of Another’s Feelings

Working with Foster Children Siegel Strategy #4: Use It or Lose It Self Understanding-Ask Questions that Help the Child Look Beyond the Surface of What They Understand Empathy-Ask Questions that the Consideration of Another’s Feelings Morality-Is a Sense of Right and Wrong but also is What is for the Greater Good Beyond their Own Individual Needs

Working with Foster Children Siegel Strategy #4: Use It or Lose It Self Understanding-Ask Questions that Help the Child Look Beyond the Surface of What They Understand Empathy-Ask Questions that the Consideration of Another’s Feelings Morality-Is a Sense of Right and Wrong but also is What is for the Greater Good Beyond their Own Individual Needs Offer Hypothetical Situations

Working with Foster Children Siegel Strategy #5: Move It or Lose It (Moving the Body to Avoid Losing the Mind)

Working with Foster Children Siegel Strategy #5: Move It or Lose It (Moving the Body to Avoid Losing the Mind) Research has Shown that Body Movement Directly Affects Brain Chemistry

Working with Foster Children Siegel Strategy #5: Move It or Lose It (Moving the Body to Avoid Losing the Mind) Research has Shown that Body Movement Directly Affects Brain Chemistry A Powerful Way to Help the Child Regain Touch with the Upstairs Brain is to have Them Move Their Body

Working with Foster Children Siegel Strategy #6: Use the Remote of the Mind (Replaying Memories)

Working with Foster Children Siegel Strategy #6: Use the Remote of the Mind (Replaying Memories) Sometimes a Child is Not Ready to Remember An Especially Painful Experience

Working with Foster Children Siegel Strategy #6: Use the Remote of the Mind (Replaying Memories) Sometimes a Child is Not Ready to Remember An Especially Painful Experience Introduce Child to Internal DVD player

Working with Foster Children Siegel Strategy #6: Use the Remote of the Mind (Replaying Memories) Sometimes a Child is Not Ready to Remember An Especially Painful Experience Introduce Child to Internal DVD player Child can Pause, Rewind, or Fastforward Through the Scary Parts While Still Being Able to Retell the Story

Working with Foster Children Siegel Strategy #7: Remember to Remember (Making Recollection a Part of Your Family’s Daily Life)

Working with Foster Children Siegel Strategy #7: Remember to Remember (Making Recollection a Part of Your Family’s Daily Life) Memory is Like so Many Functions of the Brain

Working with Foster Children Siegel Strategy #7: Remember to Remember (Making Recollection a Part of Your Family’s Daily Life) Memory is Like so Many Functions of the Brain The More We Exercise It the Stronger It Becomes

Working with Foster Children Siegel Strategy #8: Let the Clouds of Emotions Roll By (Teach that Feelings Come and Go)

Working with Foster Children Siegel Strategy #8: Let the Clouds of Emotions Roll By (Teach that Feelings Come and Go) It is Important that Children Learn About and Understand Their Feelings

Working with Foster Children Siegel Strategy #8: Let the Clouds of Emotions Roll By (Teach that Feelings Come and Go) It is Important that Children Learn About and Understand Their Feelings Feelings Need to be Recognized for What They Are: Temporary and Changing Conditions

Working with Foster Children Siegel Strategy #9: SIFT (Paying Attention to What’s Going on Inside)

Working with Foster Children Siegel Strategy #9: SIFT (Paying Attention to What’s Going on Inside) SIFT: Sensations, Images, Feelings, & Thoughts

Working with Foster Children Siegel Strategy #10: Exercise Mindsight (Getting Back to the Hub)

Working with Foster Children Siegel Strategy #10: Exercise Mindsight (Getting Back to the Hub) 1 st Aspect of Mindsight is Seeing and Understanding Our Own Mind

Working with Foster Children Siegel Strategy #10: Exercise Mindsight (Getting Back to the Hub) 1 st Aspect of Mindsight is Seeing and Understanding Our Own Mind 2 nd Aspect of Mindsight is to See and Connect with the Minds of Others

Working with Foster Children Siegel Strategy #10: Exercise Mindsight (Getting Back to the Hub) 1 st Aspect of Mindsight is Seeing and Understanding Our Own Mind 2 nd Aspect of Mindsight is to See and Connect with the Minds of Others Connections Depends on Empathy

Working with Foster Children Siegel Strategy #10: Exercise Mindsight (Getting Back to the Hub) 1 st Aspect of Mindsight is Seeing and Understanding Our Own Mind 2 nd Aspect of Mindsight is to See and Connect with the Minds of Others Connections Depends on Empathy Recognizing the Feelings, Desires, and Perspectives of Others

Working with Foster Children The Brain is Set Up for Interpersonal Integration

Working with Foster Children The Brain is Set Up for Interpersonal Integration Each Brain is Made to Relate with the Brain of Each Person We Interact With

Working with Foster Children Siegel Strategy #11: Increasing the Family Fun Factor (Making a Point to Enjoy Each Other)

Working with Foster Children Siegel Strategy #11: Increasing the Family Fun Factor (Making a Point to Enjoy Each Other) We are Hardwired for Play, Exploration, & Joining with One Another

Working with Foster Children Siegel Strategy #11: Increasing the Family Fun Factor (Making a Point to Enjoy Each Other) We are Hardwired for Play, Exploration, & Joining with One Another “Playful Parenting” is One of the Best Ways to Prepare Your Children for Relationships and Encourage Them to Connect with Others

Working with Foster Children Siegel Strategy #11: Increasing the Family Fun Factor (Making a Point to Enjoy Each Other) We are Hardwired for Play, Exploration, & Joining with One Another “Playful Parenting” is One of the Best Ways to Prepare Your Children for Relationships and Encourage Them to Connect with Others Gives Child Positive Experiences with People They Spend the Most Time With

Working with Foster Children Your Brain Receives What Some People Call “Dopamine Squirts” When Something Pleasurable Happens and it Motivates You to Want to Do It Again

Working with Foster Children Siegel Strategy #12: Connection Through Conflict (Teach Kids to Argue with “We” in Mind)

Working with Foster Children Siegel Strategy #12: Connection Through Conflict (Teach Kids to Argue with “We” in Mind) * See Through the Other Person’s Eyes

Working with Foster Children Siegel Strategy #12: Connection Through Conflict (Teach Kids to Argue with “We” in Mind) * See Through the Other Person’s Eyes * Help Kid’s Recognize Other’s Point of View

Working with Foster Children Siegel Strategy #12: Connection Through Conflict (Teach Kids to Argue with “We” in Mind) * See Through the Other Person’s Eyes * Help Kid’s Recognize Other’s Point of View * Listen to What is Being Said

Working with Foster Children Siegel Strategy #12: Connection Through Conflict (Teach Kids to Argue with “We” in Mind) * See Through the Other Person’s Eyes * Help Kid’s Recognize Other’s Point of View * Listen to What is Being Said * Teach Kids about Nonverbal Communication & Attuning to Others

Working with Foster Children Siegel Strategy #12: Connection Through Conflict (Teach Kids to Argue with “We” in Mind) * See Through the Other Person’s Eyes * Help Kid’s Recognize Other’s Point of View * Listen to What is Being Said * Teach Kids about Nonverbal Communication & Attuning to Others We need Children to Get Good at Understanding What Other People are Saying Even if They Never Open Their Mouth

Working with Foster Children Siegel Strategy #12: Connection Through Conflict (Teach Kids to Argue with “We” in Mind) * See Through the Other Person’s Eyes * Help Kid’s Recognize Other’s Point of View * Listen to What is Being Said * Teach Kids about Nonverbal Communication & Attuning to Others We need Children to Get Good at Understanding What Other People are Saying Even if They Never Open Their Mouth * Repair

Working with Foster Children Siegel Strategy #12: Connection Through Conflict (Teach Kids to Argue with “We” in Mind) * See Through the Other Person’s Eyes * Help Kid’s Recognize Other’s Point of View * Listen to What is Being Said * Teach Kids about Nonverbal Communication & Attuning to Others We need Children to Get Good at Understanding What Other People are Saying Even if They Never Open Their Mouth * Repair Teach Children to Make Things Right After a Conflict

WORKING WITH FOSTER CHILDREN The End