5 | 1 Copyright © 2014 Cengage Learning. All rights reserved. Strategies for Creating Success in College and in Life On Course Chapter 5 EMPLOYING INTERDEPENDENCE

5 | 2 Copyright © 2014 Cengage Learning. All rights reserved. E MPLOYING I NTERDEPENDENCE Struggling students have a hard time building mutually supportive relationships. What are three mistakes that struggling students often make in their relationships?  They remain dependent, codependent or independent in relation to others.  They listen poorly, demonstrating little desire to understand another person’s perspective.  They judge others who are different as inappropriate, wrong or bad.

5 | 3 Copyright © 2014 Cengage Learning. All rights reserved. E MPLOYING I NTERDEPENDENCE  I can’t do this by myself.  I have to help others before I can help myself.  I can do this all by myself, I don’t need anyone's help.  I can do some of this alone, but I will accomplish more with the help of others. Dependent Codependent Independent Interdependent Identify the following as Dependent, Codependent, Independent or Interdependent statements.

5 | 4 Copyright © 2014 Cengage Learning. All rights reserved. C RITICAL T HINKING : F OCUS Q UESTION C REATING A S UPPORT S YSTEM How could you make accomplishing your success a little easier and a lot more fun? STILLFX

5 | 5 Copyright © 2014 Cengage Learning. All rights reserved. T HE P UZZLE Get into groups of 7-8 and I will give each group a puzzle. Your task is to assemble the puzzle. Please begin. Think about the role you played while working on the puzzle and answer the following questions. Stratocaster

5 | 6 Copyright © 2014 Cengage Learning. All rights reserved. T HE P UZZLE Who took the leadership role? Who was the puzzle facing? Who followed directives from others? Who stated “Get all the corner/edge pieces”? Who stated “We don’t have all the pieces”? Who worked on an area of the puzzle by themselves? Who thought this was a competition?

5 | 7 Copyright © 2014 Cengage Learning. All rights reserved. T HE P UZZLE Think about how you answered the questions on the previous slide.  Those who took the leadership role, do you believe you are a “born leader”?  Those who followed directives, do you believe you are a good team player?  Those who wanted the “edges” put together first, do you like things to be well-organized and get upset when others are unorganized? (continued on next slide)

5 | 8 Copyright © 2014 Cengage Learning. All rights reserved. T HE P UZZLE  Those whose thought pieces were missing, do you tend to be suspicious of others?  Those who worked on a specific part of the puzzle, do you prefer to work alone?  Those who thought it was a competition, do you see yourself as very competitive with others? What did you learn or relearn about the choices you make in a group project? What life experiences have influenced you to think or act this way?

5 | 9 Copyright © 2014 Cengage Learning. All rights reserved. C REATING A S UPPORT S YSTEM Strong individualistic cultures have an “I/me” orientation, and independence is highly regarded. Strong collectivistic cultures have a “we/us” orientation and interdependence is highly regarded.  If “1” is strong individualistic culture and “10” is a strong collectivistic culture, where do you see yourself on this continuum?

5 | 10 Copyright © 2014 Cengage Learning. All rights reserved. C REATING A S UPPORT S YSTEM  My household consists of my spouse and our children.  Getting along with others is extremely important to me.  I will be a veterinarian because I have always loved animals.  My religious beliefs are very different from the rest of my family.  I give my paycheck to my mother to help support the household. Individualistic Collectivistic Individualistic Identify the following statements as representing either an Individualistic or a Collectivistic culture. Collectivistic

5 | 11 Copyright © 2014 Cengage Learning. All rights reserved. Q UOTATION R EFLECTION “For every one of us that succeeds, it’s because there’s somebody there to show you the way out. The light doesn’t always necessarily have to be in your family, for me it was teachers and school.” ~Oprah Winfrey  How could your instructors help you to be more successful?  How could your school help you to be more successful? Szasz-Fabian llka Erika

5 | 12 Copyright © 2014 Cengage Learning. All rights reserved. G ET H ELP F ROM C OLLEGE R ESOURCES Name a resource at your college that could help you with the following obstacles. Specifically how could this service help?  Confused about future courses to take  Academic problems  Money problems  Personal problems  Health problems  Problems deciding on a career  Problems getting involved socially at your college Advising Tutoring Lab Financial Aid office Counseling office Health service Career office Student Activities Office

5 | 13 Copyright © 2014 Cengage Learning. All rights reserved. S TARTING A S TUDY G ROUP Imagine that you plan to start a study group for a challenging course?  What criteria will you have for choosing group members?  What goals will you want the group to have?  What rules will you want the group to have? Why is it important to...  Choose only Creators?  Choose group goals?  Choose group rules?

5 | 14 Copyright © 2014 Cengage Learning. All rights reserved. C RITICAL T HINKING : F OCUS Q UESTIONS S TRENGTHENING R ELATIONSHIPS W ITH A CTIVE L ISTENING Do you know how to strengthen a relationship with active listening? What are the essential skills of being a good listener? Robert J. Beyers II

5 | 15 Copyright © 2014 Cengage Learning. All rights reserved. L ISTENING A CTIVELY  Listen to understand.  Clear your mind and remain silent.  Ask the person to expand or clarify.  Reflect the other person's thoughts and feelings. Which of the following listening skills do you think is the most important? Why? Which listening skill do you think will be the most challenging for you? Why?

5 | 16 Copyright © 2014 Cengage Learning. All rights reserved. H OW TO L ISTEN A CTIVELY  Don’t assume you understand. In your own words, restate what you heard, both the ideas and the emotions.  Don’t make assumptions or fill in the blanks with your own experiences. Invite the speaker to share additional information and feelings.  Don’t be distracted by your own inner chatter. Stay focused and stay quiet.  Focus on the speaker, activate empathy and listen with the intention of fully understanding what the other person thinks and feels. Clear your mind & remain silent Listen to understand Reflect the other person’s thoughts and feelings Ask the person to expand or clarify Match each terms with their correct description.

5 | 17 Copyright © 2014 Cengage Learning. All rights reserved. C RITICAL T HINKING : F OCUS Q UESTION R ESPECTING C ULTURAL D IFFERENCES What are some keys to achieving success in a world of increasing diversity? Dawn Hudson

5 | 18 Copyright © 2014 Cengage Learning. All rights reserved. S HOWING R ESPECT How could you make a conscious effort to show respect to someone in a culture different from your own?  Learn to pronounce names correctly.  Use preferred term for a person’s cultural group.  Learn non-verbal behaviors of the other culture.  Avoid ethnocentrism (thinking my way is “right”).  Avoid microaggressions.  Advocate for respect.

5 | 19 Copyright © 2014 Cengage Learning. All rights reserved. U NDERSTANDING O THERS Make a list of some of your culture’s invisible beliefs, attitudes, or traditions (deep culture). These are aspects of your culture that are not apparent to those outside of your culture. You’ll be sharing your list with others. Form pairs and share your two lists. Introduce your partner to the class, explaining the cultural elements he or she shared with you. Adnresr

5 | 20 Copyright © 2014 Cengage Learning. All rights reserved. I NTERDEPENDENCE A T W ORK Imagine that you have just completed your degree and are ready to start your new career. You have looked in the newspapers and online for potential job opportunities. However, you have not been able to find a suitable job. By employing interdependence, what other choices could you make to find employment in your field?  Conduct information gathering interviews.  Ask people you know for referrals.  Call the Public Information Office of prospective employers.

5 | 21 Copyright © 2014 Cengage Learning. All rights reserved. C RITICAL T HINKING : F OCUS Q UESTION B E A SSERTIVE How can you communicate in a style that strengthens relationships, creates better results, and builds strong self-esteem? Michael D Brown

5 | 22 Copyright © 2014 Cengage Learning. All rights reserved. According to psychologist Virginia Satir, what are the two most common patterns of ineffective communication? I NEFFECTIVE C OMMUNICATION S TYLES Placating Blaming

5 | 23 Copyright © Cengage Learning. All rights reserved. I NEFFECTIVE C OMMUNICATION Placating  Its okay if you don’t help with our project in sociology. I’ll just do the work myself.  Please don’t be upset with me. I'll drive your friends to the airport and study for my math test later.  I'm sorry. I should have cleaned up the mess from our party last night. I’ll do it right now.

5 | 24 Copyright © Cengage Learning. All rights reserved. I NEFFECTIVE C OMMUNICATION Blaming  You never do anything to help our study team. You’re just lazy!  This room is a mess! When do you plan to start doing your share of work around here?  My sociology instructor gives unfair tests! He thinks he can ask questions about anything that we were supposed to read for homework.

5 | 25 Copyright © 2014 Cengage Learning. All rights reserved. B ELIEVING IN Y OURSELF : B E A SSERTIVE What is the communication style of Creators?  Leveling. What are the 3 strategies that promote leveling?  Communicate purposefully.  Communicate honestly.  Communicate responsibly.

5 | 26 Copyright © Cengage Learning. All rights reserved. E FFECTIVE C OMMUNICATION Leveling  I know you've got a lot of work to do tonight. Could we spend just ten minutes cleaning up this mess together?  Before I can help you with your paper, I need to finish studying for a test. How about if you help me review tonight, and I'll work with you on your paper tomorrow afternoon?

5 | 27 Copyright © 2014 Cengage Learning. All rights reserved. B ELIEVING IN Y OURSELF : B E A SSERTIVE Decide which communication style is being used in the following statements.  Oh, don’t worry that you didn’t study with me. I know you have a lot on your mind. I probably would have failed the test anyway.  You’re the lousiest friend I’ve ever had! After making me fail that test, you have some nerve even talking to me now!  I'm angry that you didn’t call. I realize that I could have called you, but I thought I could count on you to keep your word. If we’re going to be friends, I need to know if you're going to keep your promises to me in the future. Will you? Placating Blaming Leveling

5 | 28 Copyright © 2014 Cengage Learning. All rights reserved. M AKING R EQUESTS Change the following Victim request into a Creator request. VICTIM REQUEST  I’m going to be absent next Friday. It sure would be nice if someone would let me know if I miss anything. CREATOR REQUEST  John, I'm going to be absent next Friday. Would you be willing to call me Friday night and tell me what I missed?

5 | 29 Copyright © 2014 Cengage Learning. All rights reserved. M AKING R EQUESTS Change the following Victim request into a Creator request. VICTIM REQUEST  I don’t suppose you’d consider giving me a few more days to complete this research paper. CREATOR REQUEST  I’d like to request an extension on my research paper. I promise to hand it in by noon on Thursday. Would that be acceptable?

5 | 30 Copyright © 2014 Cengage Learning. All rights reserved. Q UICK R EVIEW  I am intentionally listening to understand what Sally is thinking and feeling.  My mind is clear, I am focused, and I am remaining quiet while Sally is talking.  I need to request more information from Sally to ensure I am understanding her.  I don’t want to make assumptions, so I will restate what I believe Sally said. Listen to understand Clear your mind and remain silent Ask the person to expand or clarify Reflect the other person’s thoughts and feelings Identify each strategy used when actively listening.

5 | 31 Copyright © 2014 Cengage Learning. All rights reserved. What are 3 styles of communication? Q UICK R EVIEW Placating Leveling Blaming

5 | 32 Copyright © 2014 Cengage Learning. All rights reserved. Q UICK R EVIEW Personal success is highly regarded and each person is seen as unique. Several generations may live near or with each other. Adults are expected to strike out on their own and compete for success. Feeling good about oneself is related to one’s contribution to others. I NDIVIDUALISTIC C OLLECTIVISTIC I NDIVIDUALISTIC Identify each statement as Individualistic or Collectivistic. Family unity, honor and respect are vital parts of this culture. C OLLECTIVISTIC

5 | 33 Copyright © 2014 Cengage Learning. All rights reserved. End Chapter Five