Middle Grades Philosophy, Organization and Climate Online Fall 2009 Book Review Assignment Jean Nagy

TEENAGERS… So sweet and innocent one second and then a ball of fury the next – can we ever really know them? Why do they do the things they do? Is it just ‘hormones’? Am I going to survive the teen years?

You’re not alone - there is help for Parents and Teachers who can live to tell the tale : Copyright: 2005 Free Press; A Division of Simon & Schuster 1230 Avenue on the Americas New York, NY ISBN-13:

Who would benefit from reading this book and why? Parents – because you are not alone and this book explains how you can make it through the adolescent years (not perfectly) but successfully Teachers – this book can offer you a way of understanding what is going on with the teenager, why they act and do some of the things they do Teens – because not all of them truly understand the changes that are going on with their body – not just physically but mentally, too

What can this book offer me? Insight on Why Adolescents are Impulsive How to Communicate with Adolescents The Adolescent Brain – How it is Still Developing Why Teens are so Tired When Things go Wrong in the Brain The Social Dimensions of Adolescence The Importance of Connection and Guidance

Why did I like this book? The author writes in a way that is easily understood After each chapter, the author gives highlights of the “Do’s and Don’ts” of how to handle certain situations Offers questions in a “parent survival kit” chart – Do I understand and am I able to answer these questions It made me understand the importance of giving limits and consequences to the teenager and following through with them It explained that for teens to establish a new, adult relationship with their parents, they do require some freedom to explore new boundaries and approaches

What I learned from this book: The adolescent brain is still developing – when they do something on impulse, they cannot always control themselves – the brain has just not yet developed fully For boys this impulse behavior can be aggressive and angry For girls it can show up as amplification of a wide range of emotion How to communicate with a teenager: Avoid generalizations (always, never, etc.) Begin with “I” statements rather than “you” To eliminate confusion, be as specific as possible Stick to one topic at a time Listening is more important than talking (shows respect)

Information on the brain: The Prefrontal Cortex (PFC) is the part of the brain just behind the forehead. It is responsible for planning ahead, considering consequences, and managing emotional impulses The hypothalamus is the master control center for the body’s hormone system, “raging hormones” The brain is a muscle and as with any muscle, it needs to be exercised in order to develop, the “use-it-or-lose-it” strategy The brain has growth spurts, it develops in fits and starts, not in an even, uniform way The adolescent circadian rhythm (sleep/wake cycle) The sleep cycle changes during puberty and can cause them to stay up late and want to sleep late into the afternoon Teenagers need approximately 9 ½ hours of sleep per night but are typically getting 6-7 hours, leaving them exhausted Sleep deprivation can impair functioning memory, increase stress hormone, and cause moodiness

Adolescent mental illness is VERY real, which can include, but is not limited to, ADD/ADHD, Depression, Eating Disorders, and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Watch for the signs or patterns such as trouble paying attention, fidgets or squirms, changes in appetite, feeling hopeless, running water while in the bathroom, preoccupied with losing weight, obsessively habitual actions Teenagers place a tremendous amount of importance on fitting in with their peers Peer pressure exerts a lot of force on a teen, parents need to make sure they do not become victims of peer pressure themselves Do not make derogatory remarks about how a teenager looks Teenagers will become embarrassed by parents and other adults Whatever you do, don’t sweat the small stuff – pick your battles

Staying connected with your teen while still maintaining the authority to guide them to responsible, healthy choices is a very delicate balancing act As parents we need to strategize ways to stay connected, because even though our adolescents don’t think they need us anymore, they do Maintaining family rituals and vacations can be a great way to stay connected (even if the teens are trying to drive you crazy) It is important for adolescents to have other adults they can trust and talk to such as teachers, a coach, or aunts and uncles Guide them by setting clear expectations Most of all, love them unconditionally The real test in parenting is being able to love your child while expecting little in return Adolescence is not a problem to be solved but an experience to be lived – in the end, it has to be done together with connection, guidance and love