SAFE DATES UNIT

IMPORTANT QUESTIONS WHEN IS THE RIGHT AGE TO START DATING WHO PAYS FOR THE DATE? SHOULD YOU KISS ON THE FIRST DATE? IS IT OK TO DATE MORE THAN ONE PERSON AT THE SAME TIME?

ESSENTIAL QUESTION WHAT IS DATING?

ESSENTIAL QUESTIONS WHAT ARE RELATIONSHIPS? WHAT ARE SOME DIFFERENT TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS THAT WE HAVE

A RELATIONSHIP IS . . . . . . . . . A CONNECTION BETWEEN INDIVIDUALS OR GROUPS OF PEOPLE. RELATIONSHIPS INVOLVE SOME LEVEL OF INTERDEPENDENCE. PEOPLE INFLUENCE EACH OTHER, SHARE FEELINGS, THOUGHTS, IDEAS, OR ACTIVITIES TOGETHER.

RELATIONSHIPS ARE ‘SOCIAL’ COMMITMENTS.

WHO MIGHT YOU HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH?

ROLE = HOW YOU BEHAVE OR ACT IN A RELATIONSHIP.

What are some of the expected behaviors for each role below? Child/Parent Employee/Employer Student/Teacher Neighbors Athlete/Coach Friends Sister or brother Partners

Relationship vs dating Dating = Engaging in social activities with another person to get to know them better – which can become and intimate relationship.

Essential question – What is the difference between a relationship, friendship, or intimacy?

FRIENDSHIP TRUST CARING CONSIDERATION RESPECT HONESTY A SIGNIFICANT RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE BASED ON TRUST CARING CONSIDERATION RESPECT HONESTY HOW DO YOU CHOOSE YOUR FRIENDS?

One of our basic human needs is TO BELONG AND BE LOVED “INTIMACY” refers to a feeling of close attachment Types: Physical Emotional Cognitive Experiential Intimacy results from a close bond formed through knowledge and experiences with the other.

WHAT DOES A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP LOOK LIKE?

AGGRESSIVELY PASSIVELY ASSERTIVELY Essential Question – What are three ways we might communicate with others in our relationships? ANSWER: AGGRESSIVELY PASSIVELY ASSERTIVELY BUT WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE?

Aggressive = being overly forceful Aggressive = being overly forceful. It might involve bullying or intimidation. Not paying attention to other’s feelings or needs.

Passive = being unwilling or unable to express thoughts or feelings Passive = being unwilling or unable to express thoughts or feelings. Putting other’s needs ahead of your own.

Assertive = expressing your feelings and needs clearly and respectfully. Standing up for your rights while respecting others.

Essential Question – What does dating abuse look like?

PHYSICALLY ABUSIVE BEHAVIORS HITTING SCRATCHING PUSHING BITING CHOKING SHAKING PUNCHING PINCHING RAPING SPITTING SHOVING PULLING HAIR

EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE BEHAVIORS Ignoring a partner’s feelings Insulting a partner’s values and beliefs Acting in an intimidating way Calling a date names Isolating a partner from friends or family Acting jealous or spreading rumors

EMOTIONAL ABUSE (continued) Scaring a partner Keeping a partner from leaving Humiliating a partner in public or private Telling lies about a partner Threatening to hurt oneself or partner Damaging a partner’s property

Are all behaviors considered abuse???? THEY ARE ABUSE when used to: MANIPULATE another person GAIN CONTROL or POWER of someone Make someone FEEL BAD about THEMSELF or OTHERS Make someone FEEL AFRAID Make someone FEEL GUILTY

PROGRESSION No relationship is perfect. There may be feelings of confusion, anger, or jealousy-this is normal in relationships. Emotional abuse might not be “abusive” if only done once. BUT. . . PHYSICAL HARM IS ALWAYS ABUSIVE EVEN DONE ONLY ONCE.

BUT . . . IT BECOMES A PROBLEM WHEN….. THESE ACTIONS HAPPEN MORE THAN ONCE AND BECOME A REGULAR BEHAVIOR IN THE RELATIONSHIP.

Dating abuse RED FLAGS FEELING AFRAID OF YOUR PARTNER LOSING YOUR FRIENDS & FEELING ISOLATED FEELING EMBARRASSED, ASHAMED, GUILTY A NERVOUS OR SICK FEELING WHEN PARTNER IS IRRITATED OR ANGR CHANGING YOUR BEHAVIOR BECAUSE YOUR PARTNER IS JEALOUS DOING THINGS YOU DON’T WANT TO BUT THINK YOU SHOULD OR MUST

RED FLAGS that YOU might be abusing your partner YOU PHYSICALLY ASSAULT YOUR PARTNER YOU BECOME ANGRY IF PARTNER SPENDS TIME WITH OTHER PEOPLE USE GUILT TRIPS TO GET YOUR WAY MAKING YOUR PARTNER AFRAID OF YOU TELL YOUR PARTNER TO CHANGE THEIR BEHAVIOR ARE UNABLE TO CONTROL YOUR FEELING S OF ANGER OR JEALOUSLY FIND YOURSELF STALKING AND SMOTHERING PARTNER

Essential Question – What are some negative consequences of dating abuse?

“SHORT TERM” Consequences of abuse Getting into trouble with school or law Feeling intimidated or afraid Feeling bossed or controlled Get physically injured Being humiliated or upset Feelings of guilt, anger, or confusion Believe it is your fault and blame yourself

“LONG TERM” Consequences of abuse Losing friends and being isolated Criminal charges or jail time Becoming depressed, feelings of suicide Withdraw and isolate self Not trust future relationships Believe it is normal behavior and accept it

Essential Question – Why don’t victims get help? Fear of hurting their dating partner Fear of getting into trouble with one’s parents Fear of being blamed or not believed Fear of retaliation from abusive partner Fear of being judged – embarrassment Don’t want to be alone – or believe it is normal Think it is their fault – have no self esteem Don’t know HOW to improve the situation

‘YOU’ have a choice . . .

Getting help for you or a friend Point out the abusive behavior and tell them they do not deserve to be treated that way. Always listen to, believe, and respect your friend Ask them if they have a safety plan Help them get adult or professional help Guide them to on-line help sites and crisis hot lines Help them reconnect with family and friends

What is the “SAFE” strategy for effective communication?

“SAFE” Communication Skills S = Stay Calm A = Ask Questions F = Find out Feelings E = Exchange Ideas for a Solution Effective and open communication is important in having an honest caring relationship. It can help diffuse a potentially confrontational or abusive situation. Using SAFE actions might help you realize it was all a misunderstanding.

Use “I statements” when expressing your feelings. I feel _________ when you _________because __________. Fill in an emotion / and a specific action.

Dating should feel ‘right’.