A Webcast presented by: St. John’s Seminary & The Office of Vicar for Clergy [Archdiocese of Los Angeles]

Peace in the Parish and Beyond Webcast #3

The Hidden Influence

Destructive Third Party

False Attributions

? Conflict Narrative What Happened?

Telling Your Story

Hero’s Journey We are heroes on a journey. Symbolic of souls in transformation. From common world to region of super-natural wonders. Story poses questions about hero.

Story Elements Shadow - villains, antagonists, enemies Ordeal - confrontation with opposing force Stakes - something to be gained or lost Tests - traps, barricades, checkpoints, threatening events Crisis - partial or first death of ego Shadow - villains, antagonists, enemies Ordeal - confrontation with opposing force Stakes - something to be gained or lost Tests - traps, barricades, checkpoints, threatening events Crisis - partial or first death of ego

Elixir - vehicle for medicine, elixir of love Epiphany - realizing you are divine self Catharsis - purifying emotional release Ordinary & Special Worlds - return with lessons Climax - last and most dangerous meeting with death, must experience a resurrection Elixir - vehicle for medicine, elixir of love Epiphany - realizing you are divine self Catharsis - purifying emotional release Ordinary & Special Worlds - return with lessons Climax - last and most dangerous meeting with death, must experience a resurrection

limited awareness of problem increased awareness reluctance to change overcoming reluctance committing to change limited awareness of problem increased awareness reluctance to change overcoming reluctance committing to change Character Arc / Mediation Arc

experimenting with first change preparing for big change attempting big change consequences of the attempt rededication to change final attempt at big change final mastery of the problem experimenting with first change preparing for big change attempting big change consequences of the attempt rededication to change final attempt at big change final mastery of the problem

Funnel Questions Open-Ended Clarifying Close-Ended

Difficult Conversations by Stone, Patton, Heen

The “what happened” conversation. The “feelings” conversation. The “identity” conversation.

Active Listening

Something was not communicated clearly The recipient did not duplicate the sender No communication took place Something that should have been said was not Communication was sent but not received Communication was interrupted, incomplete Communication skills insufficient or missing Incorrect means of communication used Communication Errors

Listening to Self

FaceworkFacework

Identity Public image we want others to share Claim to be a certain kind of person Positive social value we claim Need to be included (fellowship face) Need to be respected (competence face) FACE

Speaker trying to maintain self-image, public image Attempt to negotiate relationship Defensive response to perceived threat Speaker trying to maintain self-image, public image Attempt to negotiate relationship Defensive response to perceived threat Face-saving messages:

The Face of a Franciscan

You did... I felt...

FramingFraming

Humility Not Judgment

Narrative Accounts Attempts to weaken link between self and transgression

Account: reasons for behavior Apology: expresses regret Quasi-theory: adages, simplistic explanation Excuse: admits but denies responsibility Justification: admits but denies consequence Account: reasons for behavior Apology: expresses regret Quasi-theory: adages, simplistic explanation Excuse: admits but denies responsibility Justification: admits but denies consequence

Disclaimer: asks for suspension of judgment Counterclaim: denies negative intentions Conversation repair: corrects or restates Remedy: offers reparations Disclaimer: asks for suspension of judgment Counterclaim: denies negative intentions Conversation repair: corrects or restates Remedy: offers reparations

System Design Goals