Bringing the Best Out of People Presented by: Dr. Adrienne Pasek Introductions before slide 2

Outline of the day Navigating emotions Perceptions, feelings, absolutes Communication Ten Commandments for resolving conflict Neutrality Techniques for disagreeing without taking a position Negotiating Finding common ground Average 15 minutes per topic Group work 20 minutes Last slide and questions 15 minutes

Navigating Emotions Perceptions Feelings Absolutes Responding to an Angry Person paper

ABSOLUTES Things will happen that you cannot control You cannot change that which is out of your control The only change you can make is within yourself and

Perceptions Reality is just a perception Perception is a combination of beliefs, values, experiences Purple horses

SCHEMAS Underlying cognitive structures and rules that consist of core beliefs and that determine how we codify, categorize, interpret experiences Develop early in life Beck, (1967, 1984)

DYSFUNCTIONAL SCHEMAS impair reality and the ability to think reasonably

Six Universal Feelings Anger Disgust Fear Happiness Sadness Surprise Anger: unmet expectations, Disgust: undesired expectations, Fear: scary expectations, Happiness: met expectations, Sadness: loss of expectations, Surprise: unexpected expectations

Communication Speaking Listening Conveys meaning + Interpretation of what was heard Before we begin talking about communication, body language, let’s talk about some situations

Communication Research 7% of meaning is derived from the spoken word 38% of meaning is paralinguistic (the way the words are spoken) 55% of meaning is derived from facial expression

Rules of Engagement What is the purpose of the message? (Why do I need to know this?) informational, educational, personal What do you need me to feel? (universal feelings)

More Rules of Engagement Behavior is an outward expression of feelings/thoughts/perceptions

Neutrality Techniques Tactics Strategies Keeping a frame, paraphrasing, breathe, Break into groups

Negotiation Finding Common Ground Sandbox 101 11:50 What you learned in Kindergarten, politeness, respect, caring