Is Our Family Dysfunctional ? Reflecting on the Biblical Wisdom of Proverbs

Proverbs 1:1-7 “The Message”

These are the wise sayings of Solomon, David’s son, Israel’s king— Written down so we’ll know how to live well and right, To understand what life means and where it’s going; A manual for living For learning what’s right and just and fair;

To teach the inexperienced the ropes and give our young people a grasp on reality. There’s something here also for seasoned men and women, Still a thing of two for the experienced to learn—Fresh wisdom to probe and penetrate, the rhymes and reasons of wise men and women.

Start with GOD—the first step in learning is bowing down to GOD: Only fools thumb their noses at such wisdom and learning.

EIGHT CHARACTERISTICS OF A DYSFUNTIONAL FAMILY Associated Content Web content by Sam Zolin (19 years of age!), an aspiring medical school student from York, PA.

1.ADDICTION 2. CONTROL 3.UNPREDICTABILITY AND FEAR 4.CONFLICT 5.ABUSE 6.PERFECTIONISM 7.POOR COMMUNICATION 8.LACK OF DIVERSITY

“Cascading” Dysfunctional families also often exhibit a cascading, or progressively more complex series of unhealthy characteristics. Like small falls that may combine to become white water, everyday communication patterns have the potential for becoming hurtful to family relationships.

Characteristics of Dysfunctional Families Philip Ellis, Ph.D. Pine Rest Psychologist Belittling, criticizing, or degrading Breaking promises Disallowing feelings Discrediting or minimizing accomplishments, feelings or needs Keeping family secrets

Characteristics of Dysfunctional Families Experiencing emotional, physical, or sexual abuse Inflicting guilt or blame Intimidating, threatening, or inflicting fear Responding inconsistently Shaming and withholding love Operating on a “should” or “shouldn’t” system without explanation or rationale

Proverbs Derek Kidner “It’s (Proverb’s) function in Scripture is to put godliness into working clothes.”

Healthy Families… …demonstrate an intense passion for teaching children to make wise choices.

Proverbs 2:1 My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, indeed, if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, indeed, if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the LORD and find the knowledge of God. then you will understand the fear of the LORD and find the knowledge of God.

Proverbs 4:3-4 When I was a boy in my father's house, still tender, and an only child of my mother, he taught me and said, "Lay hold of my words with all your heart; keep my commands and you will live.

Proverbs 4:7 The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom. Though it cost you all you have, get understanding.

Healthy Families… …are dependant on the faithful preservation of marriage promises.

Proverbs 5:14-16 I have come to the brink of utter ruin in the midst of the whole assembly." Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares?

Proverbs 5:17-18 Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers. May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer—may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love.

Proverbs 5:20-21 Why, my son, be intoxicated with another man’s wife? Why embrace the bosom of a wayward woman? For your ways are in full view of the LORD, And he examines all your paths.

Proverbs 6:25-29 Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes, for the prostitute reduces you to a loaf of bread, and the adulteress preys upon your very life. for the prostitute reduces you to a loaf of bread, and the adulteress preys upon your very life. Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned? Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned? Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched? Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched? So is he who sleeps with another man's wife; no one who touches her will go unpunished. So is he who sleeps with another man's wife; no one who touches her will go unpunished.

Healthy Families… …insist on children’s respect for parents

Proverbs 19:26 He who robs his father and drives out his mother is a son who brings shame and disgrace.

Proverbs 20:20 If a man curses his father or mother, his lamp will be snuffed out in pitch darkness.

Proverbs 22:6 Start children off on the way they should go, and even when the are old they will not turn from it.

Healthy Families… …expend time and energy for necessary discipline.

Proverbs 13:24 He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him

Proverbs 29:17 Discipline your children, and they will give you peace; they will bring you the delights you desire.

Healthy Families… …model integrity

Proverbs 10:9 The man of integrity walks securely, but he who takes crooked paths will be found out.

Proverbs 11:1 The LORD abhors dishonest scales, but accurate weights are his delight.

Healthy Families… …safeguard against explosions of anger.

Proverbs 14:16

Proverbs 15:18 The hot-tempered stir up dissension, but those who are patient calm a quarrel.

Proverbs 15:1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Healthy Families… …seek ways to show compassion to the poor and needy.

Proverbs 14:31 Whoever oppresses the poor shows contempt for their Maker, but whoever is kind to the needy honors God.

Healthy Families… …practice infinite encouragement.

Proverbs 25:11 A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.

Proverbs 15:4 The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit

Healthy Families…...are discerning about friendships.

Proverbs 12:26 A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.

Proverbs 27:17 As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

Healthy Families… …face addictions honestly.

Proverbs 20:1 Wine is a mocker and beer a brawler; whoever is led astray by them is not wise.

Proverbs 23:29 Who has woe? Who has sorrow? Who has strife? Who has complaints? Who has needless bruises? Who has bloodshot eyes? Who has woe? Who has sorrow? Who has strife? Who has complaints? Who has needless bruises? Who has bloodshot eyes? Those who linger over wine, who go to sample bowls of mixed wine.

Healthy Families… …know the right response to relational wrongs.

Proverbs 10:12 Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers all wrongs.

Healthy Families—above all… …depend on humbly guarded hearts.

Proverbs 16:2 People may think all their ways are pure, but motives are weighed by the Lord.

Proverbs 16:18 Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.

Proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.