ABUSE AWARENESS DAY 2004

WHERE IS THE LOVE?

God’s Word says Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 1 John 4:7,8 NIV

Why has the church been reluctant to talk about abuse? Acknowledging that there are hurting people in the church seems to deny that God is able Secrecy Hard to accept the sins of the world are also the sins of the church Easier to deal with the pain of strangers than the pain of those we know Legal aspect of abuse

What is abuse? Abuse or domestic violence is when one person uses violent or intimidating behavior to control or dominate the other person, which results in physical, sexual and or psychological damage, forced social isolation or economic deprivation, or behavior which leaves the victim living in fear. Abuse is more than just an argument or disagreement. It includes fear, control, domination, victimization and harm. Someone is being hurt.

Types of abuse Physical – actions which cause humiliation, physical pain or injury, such as kicking, pushing, or punchingPhysical – actions which cause humiliation, physical pain or injury, such as kicking, pushing, or punching Psychological/Emotional – actions which cause loss of self-esteem, and/or loss of self-determination, such as name calling, isolation, or criticizingPsychological/Emotional – actions which cause loss of self-esteem, and/or loss of self-determination, such as name calling, isolation, or criticizing

Sexual – actions of a sexual nature that are unwelcome, uncomfortable, or forced; this includes rapeSexual – actions of a sexual nature that are unwelcome, uncomfortable, or forced; this includes rape Neglect - not providing basic needs such as food and clothing for a dependent eg a child or elderly person, and abandonmentNeglect - not providing basic needs such as food and clothing for a dependent eg a child or elderly person, and abandonment Spiritual – using the Scriptures to create guilt or fear to make people do what we want them to doSpiritual – using the Scriptures to create guilt or fear to make people do what we want them to do More types of Abuse

General Abuse Indicators SocialSocial isolation LowLow self-esteem DepressionDepression PhysicalPhysical injuries for which explanations seem inadequate

Minimizing personal feelings and needsMinimizing personal feelings and needs Acceptance of responsibilityAcceptance of responsibility for maltreatment, i.e. self blame, for maltreatment, i.e. self blame, expressions of guilt High defensiveness aboutHigh defensiveness about traditional male-female roles Unrealistic hopes that changeUnrealistic hopes that change is imminent is imminent Drug and alcohol abuseDrug and alcohol abuse and/or other self-destructive behaviors

Child Abuse Indicators Sadness, fear, depression, anxietySadness, fear, depression, anxiety Aggressive, disruptive, and/or destructive behaviorAggressive, disruptive, and/or destructive behavior Passive, compliant behaviorPassive, compliant behavior WithdrawalWithdrawal Drug and alcohol abuse and/or other self-destructive behaviorsDrug and alcohol abuse and/or other self-destructive behaviors

Indicators of Child Sexual Abuse Breast or genital irritation, pain or injuryBreast or genital irritation, pain or injury Torn or stained underclothingTorn or stained underclothing Difficulty sleeping, bed-wetting, nightmares, fear of the darkDifficulty sleeping, bed-wetting, nightmares, fear of the dark Unusual interest in or knowledge of sexual mattersUnusual interest in or knowledge of sexual matters Sexual acting outSexual acting out Expressing affection in ways which should be beyond the child‘s experience and understandingExpressing affection in ways which should be beyond the child‘s experience and understanding

So what can we do? Accept the fact that abuse and family violence exist in the church Break the silence on abuse Understand that abuse and domestic violence are about power and control Listen to the abused and accept their feelings without judging

Treat seriously all reports of incidences of physical, emotional or sexual abuse Respect a victim’s right to make decisions about how they will respond to their situation Protect the victim – find them a safe place Help family members get professional help Assure the victim that abuse is never their fault Maintain confidentiality

Hold the abuser accountable for their actions Provide a supportive network Report abusive and violent incidents

“I will exalt and rejoice in your steadfast love, because you have seen my affliction; you have taken heed of my adversities.” Psalm 31:7

“The eyes of the LORD are open to their cry… The righteous cry and the LORD hears, and delivers them out of all their troubles. The LORD is near to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:15-18