Positive Solutions for Families Session 5 Facing the Challenge Part 1 Originally developed by the Center on the Social-Emotional Foundations for Early Learning. Adapted for use in California by WestEd for the California Collaborative on the Social-Emotional Foundations for Early Learning (CA CSEFEL) December 2013 CA1

Shared Expectations We are Friendly and Kind We are Respectful We are Safe and Healthy CA2

What’s Happening Today Meet each other and learn about our families Review from Session 3 and Activity 11: Determining the Meaning of Behavior Understanding “Why they do what they do” Identifying strategies that you can use to prevent behavior or teach new skills Review: Things to Try at Home 3CA

Getting to Know You! Please Share: –Your Name –How many children you have (names and ages) –A goal related to our Facing the Challenge group Examples –Tom: Lula (15 months) and Roxi (4 years): “I want to understand what Roxi needs and help her be successful.” –Maria: Jose (4) and Luis (5): ”I want my boys to listen to me.” –Anything else about you and your family! 4CA

Let’s Celebrate! Please turn to Activity A in your workbook Parent Encouragement and Positive Comments Write an encouraging note or positive comment to yourself about something that you did with your child this last week that you feel really happy or proud about! Proud CA5

Behavior Communicates… What the infant, toddler, or young child is experiencing What it is like to be in that child’s body What it is like to be in that child’s world Behavior = Communication! Behavior has Meaning!! CA6

We Need to Teach! CA7 “If a child doesn’t know how to read, we teach. If a child doesn’t know how to swim, we teach. If a child doesn’t know how to multiply, we teach. If a child doesn’t know how to drive, we teach. If a child doesn’t know how to behave, we……..... Why can’t we finish the last sentence as automatically as we do the others?” Tom Herner (NASDE President ) Counterpoint 1998, p.2) …….teach?…….punish?

We Teach Many Skills Some skills seem to come naturally to many children, such as walking and talking, yet some children require more help and support to learn these skills We know we have to teach other things like math, reading, and swimming CA8

We Need To Teach Social and Emotional Skills The same is true of social skills and emotional skills. Some children may be naturally social and in- tune with their emotions. Others will learn the skills by watching and example. Yet many children will respond best when specifically taught social and/or emotional skills. CA9

Social Emotional Skills/Strategies Session 1 Making a Connection Positive Descriptive Acknowledgement (PDA) Session 2 Catch Me Being Good! Tell Me What To Do Instead Session 3 Expectations for Behavior Understanding Behavior Session 4 Emotional Literacy Managing Strong Behavior Problem-Solving CA10

A New Way of Thinking Understanding that social skills and emotional skills are developmental and can be taught changes the way we think about behavior When we can see behavior as communication, then challenging behavior is saying –I don’t know what else to do! –This works for me! –This is the fastest way I have to show you what I want! –I am overwhelmed by my emotions right now! CA11

Understanding Behavior Review Often we understand what a child is communicating through his/her behavior Sometimes it is difficult to be sure Looking at four things can help us understand 1.What happened before the behavior? 2.What is the FORM (type) of the behavior? 3.What happened after the behavior? 4.What is the possible FUNCTION of the behavior? CA 12

The Function of Behavior Challenging behavior meets one of these three functions for the child –Obtaining access to something or someone (i.e., gain/request/initiate) or –Avoiding something or someone (i.e., escape/avoid) or –Expressing emotion The function is the purpose/the meaning behind the behavior. What the thought bubble above your child’s head would say. CA13 FUNCTI ON

Documenting Behavior Writing down what you see can help you understand the reason behind the behavior. We want you to complete several of the Activity 11 forms for your child (at least 2 times for challenging behavior). You can complete one form for positive behavior too! We will use these at our next meeting to help you develop a plan. CA14

Let’s Practice This video shows a behavior that some people find funny (It was on America’s Funniest Home Videos) Watch the video and see how you might fill out the form To make it easier, we are pretending that the little boy’s name is Toby CA15

Toddler Tantrum CA16

Nine Strategies to Try We have some strategies that you can start using right away with your child. Some of these you may already have tried, others may be new to you. They are all listed in your Series 2 Workbook on Handout 19 CA17

1. Know What is Reasonable It is important to know your child’s abilities and limitations. Expecting too much or too little can lead to frustration for you and your child. Try to keep your expectations realistic! Read about what children do at this age. Look at what other children do. 18CA

2. Plan Ahead Try to anticipate what your child may do or may need in various situations. Plan ahead to set your child up for a successful experience. Hope for the best, but always have a backup plan! Plan ahead! CA19

3. Present Limited, Reasonable Choices Most children are not born with a built-in ability to make decisions and then to accept the consequences. Learning to take responsibility for actions requires lots of support and practice! A good way to help your child develop these skills is to offer limited, reasonable choices throughout the day. Practice! 20CA

Limited and Reasonable? 1.Do you want mashed potatoes, french fries, a baked potato, sweet potatoes, or tater tots? 1.Do you want mashed potatoes or french fries with dinner? 2.What do you want to wear today? 2.Do you want to wear your red shirt or blue shirt? 3.Do you want to stay up for 30 minutes or go to bed? 4.Do you want to sit on the couch or in a bean bag chair? 5.Will you hold my left hand or my right hand in the parking lot? 6.Do you want to get in the car? 7.Do you want to play Legos or puzzles? 21CA

4. Use “First ~ Then” “First you put on your shoes. Then you can go outside.” This is a contingency statement (First-Then). A “first-then” statement is a simple instruction that tells your child what to do in order to do something that he/she wants to do. –“First you pick up your toys, then you can have a snack.” –“First you finish getting dressed, then you can play outside.” CA22

Your Choice! Examples for Limited, Reasonable Choices or First/Then 23CA Cleaning up toys 1.Dressing 2.Bathing 3.Dinner 4.Outside play 5.Riding in car 6.Shopping 7.Going to bed 8.Watching TV 9.Snack time 10.Playing with siblings 11.Reading a story 12.Taking a nap/rest

5. Redirection: Prevention There are many ways to use redirection –Prevention –Interruption (verbal and physical) –Teaching Providing guidance to children when they are beginning to use inappropriate behavior is redirecting children as a prevention strategy –(Child is beginning to protest as Grandma leaves.) You are sad that Grandma has to leave now. Maybe we can draw a picture for her to have when she gets back? You are such a wonderful artist. –(Child starts to squirm in the shopping cart.) You know what? I need your help with the shopping. Can you hold this box of pasta for me so I won’t forget to buy the vegetables to put in it? What kind of vegetables do you think would be good? 24CA

Redirection: Verbal Interruption You can also interrupt a child’s challenging behavior and redirect the child to another activity using either physical or verbal redirection A verbal redirection distracts the child and provides an alternative activity. –A child is trying to gain attention of a parent who is on the telephone with an important call. Another adult might then say to the child something like, “Hey, let’s go up stairs, and read some of your new library books.” –A child is upset and throws a temper tantrum because he/she was asked to turn off the television. The parent redirects the child by saying, “Wow, it is beautiful outside. I feel like going to the park to play.” CA25

Redirection: Physical Interruption A physical redirection interrupts the child’s challenging behavior and re-engages the child in a more appropriate activity. –Example: A child is playing in the sink and splashing water all over the bathroom. The parent might help the child finish the task (washing hands) by putting their hands over the child’s hand and singing a hand-washing song. The parent might choose to physically move the child away from the sink and over to toys in the child’s room. –Example: A child is jumping on the couch. The parent redirects the child by holding the child’s hands so he jumps off (or picking the child up) and saying, “Wow, you are really jumping high today. Let’s see if you can can jump as high as a kangaroo outside.” CA26

Redirection for Teaching Redirection can also be used to teach or prompt a child to use an appropriate skill. –Example: A child begins to whine because he is frustrated with putting a toy together. The parent says to the child, “Evan, you can say, ‘Help please.’” Evan says, “Help please,” and the parent then helps puts the toy together. –Example: A toddler begins to fuss while sitting in her highchair after finishing dinner. The parent says, “Olivia, you can say, ‘All done’” (using the sign for all done while speaking). Olivia signs, “All done,” and the parent helps her get down from her high chair. CA27

Redirection Activity # There are some situations listed where redirection might work quite well Can you design some redirections for each situation? 28CA

6. Catch Your Child Being Good! Give positive, descriptive acknowledgement to your child when she or he is using the behavior that you want to see Acknowledge effort…when your child is trying! By being specific in your descriptions, you also teach your child what to do! “Wow! You are being so careful keeping all the pieces of that toy on the table!” 29CA

What Would You Say (PDA)? Small Group Activity Your child sits at the table for a meal. Your child asks permission before talking. Your child gets right into the car seat. Your child lifts his/her foot up as you assist with putting on shoes. Your child gets right out of the tub. Your child smiles as you are playing together. Your child pets the dog softly. Your child puts one toy away. 30CA

7. Stay Calm When a child’s behavior is challenging, you can either respond to it or ignore it. If reaction is necessary, remember that less is usually best. CA31

8. Use Neutral Time “Neutral” time is a time when your child is calm, and you are calm; it is a great time to teach your child what to do! Go back and review some of the ideas from Session 1 and 2 such as deposits in the relationship bank, play, PDA, and more. There are some great ideas to use to build in Neutral Time. CA32

9. Tell Me What To Do Instead This is a strategy we covered in Session 2 with some suggestions in your WorkBook, Handout 8 Some of you might ask, “What if my child doesn’t do it? CA33

If Your Child Doesn’t Comply… (Do-WAWP) State the “Do” direction. Wait for compliance (silently count to 5). Ask the child to restate the direction. Wait for compliance (silently count to 5). Provide encouragement or help. 34CA

Things to Try at Home! Positive Parenting Tips List 3 of the strategies that you will try to use this week with your child. Observations – Determining the Function/Meaning of Behavior –Complete at least two Behavior Observations (Activity Handout #11revisited) Don’t forget to use positive comments and encouragement for those behaviors you want to see! 35CA