Communicating Confidently & Effectively Soft Skills Training for Women in Construction

Learning Objectives Look at what really happens when we communicate Explore communication styles and how we tend to communicate with others Review a range of tools and techniques that help promote confidence and effective communication Understand the importance of building rapport during communication Realise the effect of using positive and negative language Understand and paraphrase Understand the importance of active listening

Some truths… We all say we need better communication skills, but often we don't know exactly what that means or how to make it happen Most of us have had very little “training” on communication skills Sooner or later, communication will go “wrong” when dealing with others Often there are some people at work that we find very difficult to communicate with Even the best communicators could face difficulties while communicating

Some thoughts on communication…  The meaning of communication is not simply what you intend, but also the response you get from the other person(s).  "You have to communicate. Everything you say/do, or don't say/don't do, sends a message to others.“ John Woods  “Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens.” Jimi Hendrix

5 Communication problems We encode and decode messages based on: Our beliefs and values What is important to us How we feel about the person we communicate with How much we know about this person Our emotional state during communication

Basic Communication Process

Information richness of communication channels Low channel richnessHigh channel richness RoutineNonroutine

What I said What you said What I thought I said What I thought you said What you thought I said What you thought you said Six processes during communication

Principles of effective communication Open - reasoning behind decisions is clear and accessible Clear - the information is accurate and expressed in plain language with minimal use of jargon - this applies to all communications (from reports to policy documents) Credible - the communication is responsible, realistic, trustworthy Timely - accurate and relevant information is provided when needed Planned - when possible, communication is proactive and planned to ensure that the right messages would reach the right people at the right time Consistent – communication messages, within an organisation and among its members, are clear and consistent Dialogue - people are encouraged to contribute with ideas and to give feedback

Four elements of effective communication … Clear outcome FlexibilityRapport Sensory precision & awareness

How do we absorb information?  Most people use language that includes visual, auditory or kinaesthetic “feelings”/ words  All of us use language that represents our interpretation of what we perceive about an experience We think & code information Feelings Communication

Working on your communication skills Using empathy - the ability to share your feelings and understand other people's emotional state Separate the person from their behaviour Express your expectations Be aware of different communication styles

Rapport An emotional bond or a friendly relationship between people, based on mutual sympathy, trust and a sense that they understand and share each others’ concerns. Key words: relationship, understanding, bond, link, affinity, connection, empathy Build rapport so that you can communicate effectively

14 Why is the rapport important? In all types of communication and work relations: help get things done demonstrate that you understand someone else’s world view demonstrate that you communicate well and understand other people

Building a rapport 95% of the time we achieve it easily Believe that the other person wants rapport too Have confidence that you will achieve rapport Have a sense of curiosity Use a technique called mirroring: voice, tone, pace of speech breathing rhythm movement rhythm body posture

Why is the rapport so important? Rapport is like money - increases its importance when you don’t have it, and when you do it increases your opportunities!

Communication styles 1.RED – Action & What 2.GREEN - Process & How 3.YELLOW - People & Who 4.BLUE - Idea & Why

Watch your language! Negative words Afraid Annoyed Blocked Can’t Depressed Positive words Exhilarated Impassioned Temporarily impeded Challenged Primed for change

Consider the dialogue… Negative phrasing and language: tells the recipient what cannot be done has a subtle tone of blame includes words like can't, won't, unable to doesn’t express positive actions or positive consequences Positive phrasing and language: tells the recipient what can be done suggests alternatives and choices available sounds helpful and encouraging rather than bureaucratic stresses positive actions and positive consequences

Getting & Using Feedback Prepare yourself Ask for feedback in a systematic way Accept the feedback you’ve received and repeat it in order to verify it and confirm your understanding is correct Ask the person to give specific examples Do not reject the feedback Do not question the feedback or say: “Yes, but…” Thank the person providing feedback Take the feedback (positive and negative) and learn from it!

Providing feedback… Always ask (positive or negative): “May I give you some feedback? May I share something with you?” Talk about their behaviour: “When you…” Describe the impact: “Here’s what happens…” Ask them to suggest change: “How could you do this differently?”, or “Thanks, keep it up.” Remember that feedback is always about future behaviour. It’s NOT about the past, because there’s nothing we can do about the past.

NonverbalBody language Facial Expressions Tone Listening Touch Appearance Posture Silence VerbalOral (informal conversation, presentation, public speaking, debate) Written (text, report, ) - formal Face-to-face/Distant Communication types

Written communication could also elicit positive or negative response in the recipient. Written communication

It’s also important how we LISTEN… Look interested Inquire with questions Stay focused Test understanding Evaluate the message Neutralise feelings

Listening skills  The ability to listen is vital to understanding what is meant, what is being expressed, what hasn’t been said, different emotions, etc.  There is an important distinction between passive and active listening.

Wrong assumptions about listening It is a passive activity “You” always know what I mean “I” should always know what “you” mean Communication happens naturally The meaning of the communication, is the meaning that the recipient elicits!

Barriers to effective listening The speaker: accent, volume, articulation, etc. You: your ability to concentrate, your level of anxiety, emotional state Your mind: your inner voice, your focus on what you are going to say, your preoccupation Environment: stuffy room, levels of comfort, noise

Physical attention: Face the other person SQUARELY - conveys that they have your attention Keep your pose OPEN - conveys that you are open to listen, non defensive LEAN forward - conveys that you are engaged, don’t forget your body language Lots of EYE contact - helps build trust, don’t stare! RELAX - trust that you will achieve a high level of rapport, helps to convey an engagement and improves the listening and the level of understanding Good listening techniques

Psychological attention: Keep an OPEN mind - don’t judge Listen FULLY don’t jump into conclusions Practise shutting down - EXTERNAL distractions REFLECT about the person who speaks and think how they were feeling SUMMARISE what has been said, recap the main points

Understanding & Paraphrasing Ways to help understand the other person Paraphrasing - review of what has just been said Clarifying - openly present doubts or concerns without challenging the other person Echoing - pick up on words and present them back as questions Encouraging - nod, “Go on…”, “I see”, “Yes”, etc. Listening between the lines – don’t judge, listen the way things are said, body language, etc. Use silence - a pause doesn’t always mean that the speaker has finished, sometimes demonstrates that you are keen to hear what they have to say Don’t interrupt

Avoid personal prejudice - don’t get irritated by what has been said, don’t allow persons’ manners, or characteristics to distract you Remove distractions - focus your mind on what is being said, don’t doodle, tap or shuffle papers Limit your own talking - you have 2 ears and 1 mouth! Be prepared - give yourself a structure and prepare questions in advance, this would allow you to listen Understanding & Paraphrasing Make statements that help create an agenda for how the rest of the discussion could be structured Practise conscious listening OR

Nonverbal messages impact

Body language Match your body language, talk speed, voice tone Match your body posture Be aware of your own mismatches Watch for skin colour changes, flushing, etc.

Productivity & Work Flow Productivity DecisionMakingDecisionMaking EmployeeSatisfactionEmployeeSatisfactionPersuasiveMarketingPersuasiveMarketing BusinessRelationshipsBusinessRelationships Benefits for peers peers ProblemAwarenessProblemAwareness ProfessionalImageProfessionalImage EffectiveCommunicationEffectiveCommunication

35 And finally… NB! It’s not what you say, it’s the way you say it!

HIGH HEELS PROJECT Leonardo da Vinci – Transfer of Innovation BG1-LEO C OPYRIGHT © Copyright 2013 High Heels Consortium Consisting of: BULGARIAN CONSTRUCTION CHAMBER (BG) CONSTRUCTION TRAINING CENTER (BG) AR CI PROFESSIONAL CENTRE Ltd (BG) MILITOS EMERGING TECHNOLOGIES &SERVICES (GR) KNOWL (GR) RNDO Ltd (CY) STEJAR CENTER OF RESEARCH, DEVELOPMENT & EXCELLENCE (RO) This document may not be copied, reproduced, or modified in whole or in part for any purpose without written permission from the High Heels Consortium. In addition an acknowledgement of the authors of the document and all applicable portions of the copyright notice must be clearly referenced. All rights reserved. This project has been funded with support from the European Commission. This publication [communication] reflects the views only of the author, and the Commission cannot be held responsible for any use which may be made of the information contained therein. Transferring the University of Salford’s award winning training programme: “‘Women and Work: Sector Pathways Initiative” (2010)