I-tools “I-messages” „non values“ “rotating diaries” “examining contentious issues” in conflict conversation.

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Presentation transcript:

i-tools “I-messages” „non values“ “rotating diaries” “examining contentious issues” in conflict conversation

i-tools Developed by Friedrich Glasl, who also defined the „Nine Steps of Conflict Escalation“

i-tools “I -messages”: I messages are important as I express what I feel, what moves ME. The purpose is not to judge, to condemn or change behaviour as this often results in turning away, rejection,… a statement of subjective fact without simultaneously devaluing the recipient or putting him under pressure they are intended to be a joint responsibility of the speaker

i-tools “I -messages”: If I articulate an I-message correctly my counterpart will hear directly from me something, he otherwise only deduce or speculate about from my tone of voice, facial expression, body language. Exercise: try to practise “I messages”, they often begin with “I felt …” “I experienced …” I had the impression that…” Be aware not to use “hidden you-messages” “You made me feel….”

i-tools “Non values”: a certain curse of events is not wanted it is of no value for me I therefore try not get things that far I define limits and I do care which way the conflict goes.

i-tools “Non values”: I am showing that I want to limit damages I am bringing up effects which my opponent might have assumed to be intentional I am showing that I feel responsible for my actions I am not apportioning blame

i-tools Both I-messages and non-values are easier if you practise keeping in mind your feelings and staying in touch with them

i-tools “Rotating diaries”: A) Participants agree, that the discussion is interrupted every 15 minutes B) Every participants takes a blank sheet of paper and draws 1 line in the middle C) In the first break each person writes down a maximum of 3 lines in the left column, about what he thought felt and wanted in the last session. In the right column he writes down what he is hoping for, what his fears are for the next session.

i-tools “Rotating diaries”: D) Then the papers are handed over to the left sitting neighbour (He might read it or not) E) After the next 15 minutes the process continues at stage C

i-tools Examining Contentious Issues: All involved persons (or parties) write the issues on cards (papers) one card(paper) for each issue. Introducing the issue should work like: “For me(us) these are the contentious issues we should work on:” Don’t include any arguments, contrasting stances, simply name the headings and invite the opposite side to ask clarifying questions Ensure that no statement is made for or against the different position. Through that you develop a workplan for the conflict each party agrees on