STEPS TO SOCIALIZATION 13 South Bayles Ave Port Washington, NY 11050 517 767-0266 Have them discuss these points first before we say what this concept means to us. Lisa Freeman and Evelyn Kashinsky Co-founders

OUR PLAN What is socialization? The difference between teaching social thinking and teaching social skills. The 3 theories of social thinking. What do we teach. Have them discuss these points first before we say what this concept means to us.

“She’s very social.” What are some of the things she does….. - Greet people (without being told) Look at the person they’re speaking to (think with the eyes; listening with whole body) Initiate and maintain a conversation (referencing the listener) Know how to act in different situations (expected/unexpected behavior) Understand and use nonverbal language (body language, gestures, facial expression, tone of voice) ‘Fit in’ (following the hidden rules) Know how close to stand to someone (physical presence) Have them discuss these points first before we say what this concept means to us.

Socialization can also be thought as Social Thinking Social thinking refers to the process of thinking about your own thoughts and the thoughts of others (perspective taking). Social thinking is figuring out how to make other people think the way you want them to think about you and knowing that you can change the way people think about you. When do we use social thinking? ALL THE TIME driving a car, getting into an elevator, sitting next to someone on a train or bus,, walking down the street

What is the difference between social thinking and social skills? We view social skills as a scripted set of behaviors. These are behaviors that are learned in a specific setting or context and are: often over generalized to all situations or b) only used in the learned context. Social thinking teaches the how and why behind the skills so that students can understand and appropriately generalize the skills. Students are taught to be more aware of the world around them and how their behavior impacts both others and themselves. Give examples: hand shaking A social skill will teach that when you meet someone new you should hold out your hand and shake and introduce yourself by name. This is awkward. It is not appropriate in all situations. Social thinking requires a person to observe others. So when you say hello to your grandparents, you go over and hug and kiss them. How do you know, by watching others, like mom and dad, by seeing the commonality, mom and dad and my brother are family and are doing that, so it is ok for me to do this. Your brothers friend is not someone you would shake hands with. How do you learn what to do? By observing and making inferences. The boys do a head nod or a wave. They are friends. I should do the same.

What do we do when we think socially? We think with our eyes – we look at the people around us and notice the following: what is their facial expression, what is their body language telling us, are they alone or with someone, you consider the setting in order to figure out what they’re thinking. We use of our social memory – do we know the people, what do we remember about them, what behaviors/action/etc do we expect, what usually happens in this situation/context We take other people’s perspective – we think about what they might be thinking, we think about their beliefs, motives and intentions and what they might want to talk about. For most of us this is intuitive and happens in a split second – before we are even aware of it! Have them discuss these points first before we say what this concept means to us.

Social thinking strategies are used when sharing space with others to interpret and understand movies, TV shows, literature to understand academic subjects such as social studies and language arts when working in groups with peers to understand people’s motives and intentions Have them discuss these points first before we say what this concept means to us.

Central Coherence Theory Executive Function Theory The Puzzle of Social Thinking Theory of the mind Perspective taking Central Coherence Theory Executive Function Theory Organization, Planning and Impulse Control Getting the Whole Picture

What concepts do we teach? Have them discuss these points first before we say what this concept means to us.

Concept Definition Activities Thinking with your eyes Directing your eye gaze toward the speaker. Looking at what the speaker is looking at (sharing attention). Understanding that what someone is looking at is what they are thinking about. - When you look at me I know you are listening to me 1. What Am I Looking At? Choose something/someone to look at. Have your child make a smart guess about what you are looking at. Remind them that ‘eyes are like arrows’ that point to what people are looking at. 2. What Am I Thinking About? The next step is to understand that what someone is looking at is most likely what they are thinking about. After your child identifies what you are looking at ask your child what you might be thinking about. For example, if your looking at the refrigerator you are probably thinking “I’m hungry I’m going to get something to eat.”

Concept Definition Activities Thinking with your eyes continued 3. ‘Read’ the pictures in a book, magazine etc… Try to figure out what the people are looking at, what they are thinking, and what might happen next 4. What’s He/She Thinking About? Now we want to be ‘social detectives’ and observe the people around us. Figure out what they are looking at and make a smart guess about what they might be thinking based on the direction they are looking in. For example, You notice that the woman standing in front of Dunkin’ Donuts is looking a her wrist. What do you think she’s thinking about? 5. Use movies and TV shows to observe and discuss what the characters are looking at and thinking about to predict (smart guess) what may happen.

Concept Definition Activities Expected/ Unexpected Behaviors Expected behaviors make you feel comfortable – it’s the way you expect to feel in that setting. It’s predictable. Unexpected behaviors make you feel uncomfortable. You didn’t expect to feel that way in that setting. It wasn’t predictable. If you want to ‘fit in’ with the group you do what the group expects you to do. Discuss where you going and what behaviors are expected in that situation. Talk about issues that might come up and strategies for handling them. i.e. a birthday party. You might say, “today we’re going to Sam’s party. When we go there it’s expected that you join in group activities, sing happy birthday, eat cake. It’s unexpected for you to not do what the group is doing or to blow out the candles or to try to open the presents. Don’t assume they already know what they’re expected to do!

You can change how I feel OUR ACTIONS CAUSE REACTIONS You can change how I feel Our behaviors impact on the people around us and cause them to react based on how they feel. Explain that when you do what’s expected people feel comfortable with you and want to be with you. Which makes you feel good about yourself. When you do something that’s unexpected, people feel uncomfortable and don’t want to be with you. This does not make you feel good about yourself! Have them discuss these points first before we say what this concept means to us.

Expected /Unexpected Consequence Chart Your Behavior Expected/ Unexpected How It Makes Others Feel Others Reaction/Behavior How You Feel About Yourself Have them discuss these points first before we say what this concept means to us.

Behavior Chart Behavior: What did I do? How did the other person feel? The Reaction: What did the other person do? How did their reaction make me feel? How can I change my behavior? Have them discuss these points first before we say what this concept means to us.

Concept Definition Activities Taking someone else’s perspective Thinking about other’s, and how they think about you. Putting yourself in someone else’s shoes. Figuring out what someone else is thinking; what are their needs and wants. 1. I Spy with My Eye – Choose something in the room and have them try to guess what it is. The idea is that you know what the object is and the child doesn’t. You have a different thoughts and knowledge than they do. 2. What’s Your Favorite? Discuss what each family likes (food, game, movie etc..). Does everyone like the same thing? What do younger children like to do? What about the older children? The adults? Grandparents 3. If I was ….Think of different people, characters, animals and what they gift they might want.

Concept Definition Activities Taking someone else’s perspective continued Thinking about other’s, and how they think about you. Putting yourself in someone else’s shoes. Figuring out what someone else is thinking; what are their needs and wants. 4. Watch your child’s favorite TV show or read a book with them and discuss what happened and the different viewpoints of the characters. What happened to the character? How did it make him feel? 5. As situations arise discuss how you feel about the situation and the way that each person felt and reacted.

Concept Definition Activities Non-verbal Language Body language, facial expression, gestures, tone of voice. Understanding non-verbal cues requires thinking with your eyes. If you don’t look you at people you can’t read non-verbal cues. 60-80% of our communication is non-verbal. 1. Practice making varied facial expressions in the mirror. Many of the children don’t realize what they look like and that they don’t always look as friendly as they think they do. 2. Have your child identify the non-verbal cues of family members. i.e. Does daddy look happy? How do know? What is his face doing? What is his body doing? What’s his tone of voice? How do you know your sister is upset? What is her expression telling you? Her body language? Her tone of voice? 3. Who Can I say Hello to? The focus here is on distinguishing a friendly face from an unfriendly face. Discuss the characteristics of a friendly face (smile, lips turn up, cheeks are up, eyes close a little) vs. an unfriendly face (a frown or flat lips). Look through magazines, books and have your child point out which one’s are friendly/unfriendly and who you would say hello to.

Concept Definition Activities Non-verbal Language continued 4. How Are They Feeling? When you’re reading with your child or watching TV look at the characters facial expression and body language. Discuss how they are feeling and how you know that’s what they are feeling. 5. Listen to a book on tape, TV, movie and notice the tone of voice of the speaker. Are they being pleasant/happy, sarcastic, angry etc…

Concepts Definition Activities The Size of the Problem Little problem/ Big Problem/ CATASTROPHE The size of the problem should determine the size of the reaction. If the reaction is too big the problem becomes larger. EMOTIONS ARE CONTAGIOUS!!! Draw the 1-10 scale. Write some problems on file cards. Discuss the size of the problem and where to place it on the scale, how big your reaction to the problem should be, how many people will be affected, possible solutions and long it will take to fix the problem. 2. At dinnertime, discuss what happened during the day. Talk about ‘a problem’ that occurred and how you reacted. Let each family member say how they would have reacted. Would you react the same way? 3. Use the books your child is reading or TV shows they watch to talk about size of the problem. How did the character react? Was the reaction appropriate to the size of the problem? Did you agree with the solution? What other solutions were possible?

Concept: What is the size of the Problem? Little Problem Is fixed in 1 or 2 steps. Usually does not affect a lot of people Does not require a lot of time to problem solve Small Reaction Big Problem Requires more steps to fix May/may not affect several people. Requires more time to problem solve Medium Reaction Catastrophe Requires many steps to fix May/may not affect many people. Requires significant time to problem solve Large Reaction 1 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 Concept: What is the size of the Problem?

Concept: Emotion Thermometer 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 0-2 Times Calm Neutral Happy 3 – 4 Times Irritated Frustrated 5 – 6 Annoyed 7 – 8 Upset 9-10 Angry Concept: Emotion Thermometer How what you do makes someone else feel: 1 – 2 : You can do something once or twice and people will still be happy calm or neutral 3 – 4 : When you do something 3 or 4 times people become irritated and frustrated. 5 – 6 : When you do something 5 – 6 times people become annoyed. 7 – 8 : When you do something 7 or 8 times people become upset. 9 – 10: When you do something 9 or 10 times you can expect someone to become angry. At this point Anything can now tip the other person into anger – It’s the straw the broke the camel’s back!

Concept Definition Activities Why Care? My child doesn’t care if he doesn’t have friends. Even if you don’t want to play with others you need to think about other people because you’re in a group with them – you’re sharing space with them. We want them to have good thoughts about us and not think we’re awkward or odd. The focus here is to realize that we are always thinking about other people AND they are always thinking about us. 1.Come up with a list of places that your child is in during the week. Are they alone or with other people? If they are with other people then they are having thoughts about them. i.e. Whose sitting next to me? Are they too close to me? What are they wearing? Are they looking at me? Etc… 2. Now discuss the idea that even when we are alone we have thoughts about other people. For example, if I don’t clean up my room mom will be upset. If I don’t do my homework my teacher will fail me. If I wear the same shirt everyday people will look at me funny.

Steps to Socialization Questions? Contact us at: Steps to Socialization 13 South Bayles Ave. Port Washington 11050 516 767-0266 info@s2sny.com Have them discuss these points first before we say what this concept means to us.