Chapter 6 Talk and Interpersonal Relationships

This Chapter Discusses: 1.How communication meets your psychological and other needs 2.How communication can build intimacy and relationships 3.How communication can also decrease intimacy and relationships 4.The concept of relational stages

Talk, Relationships, and Knowledge  We tend to talk with people who share our beliefs and our views of ourselves  We compare our ideas with others  Relationships influence how we distribute information  Therefore, relationships as well as communication shape meaning

What We Get: The ‘Provisions’ of Relationships 1.Belonging and a sense of reliable alliance 2.Emotional integration and stability 3.Opportunities to communicate about ourselves 4.Opportunities to help others 5.Providing assistance and physical support 6.Reassurance of our individual worth and value

Composing Relationships Through Talk  ‘Social’ relationships—people who perform the same function in your life but are basically interchangeable to you  ‘Personal’ relationships— people who perform specific and irreplaceable roles and functions in your life

Analyzing ‘Small Talk’: RCCUs Relational Continuity Constructional Units (Sigman, 1991)  Prospective (recognize there will be an absence in the relationship)  Introspective (acknowledge the absence is already happening)  Retrospective (signal the end of the absence)

Talk and Relational Change  ‘Crossing boundaries’ between types of relationships involves changes in talk  Direct talk (about the relationship) can effect a change  Indirect communication (flirting) can also effect changes

Stages in Relationship Development  Relationships rarely develop in simple steps or stages  Partners in a relationship might have different ideas about how it should develop  Some people lack the skills to develop relationships  There are people with whom we do not want our relationship to develop!

Duck’s Relationship Filtering Model Relationships are developed or terminated based on our interpretation of various cues:  Physical appearance  Behavior and nonverbal communication  Attitudes and personality

Duck’s Model of Serial Construction of Meaning Adds four steps to explain how relationships develop through talk: 1.Commonality (shared but unknown experience) 2.Mutuality (discussed shared experience) 3.Equivalence of evaluation (same reaction to common experience) 4.Sharing of meaning (making the experience part of the relationship)

Duck’s Model of Serial Construction of Meaning

Duck’s Model of Relational Breakups 1.Intrapsychic (person thinks about ending relationship) 2.Dyadic (person confronts partner to discuss problems with relationship) 3.Social process (person tells other people about relationship problems) 4.Grave dressing (creating the lasting story of how/why the relationship ended) 5.Resurrection (movement from old relationship to entering new one)

Final Words on Relationships and Stages  People are not always aware that a problem is a ‘natural’ beginning stage to ending a relationship  People might report ‘stages’ even though that is not their lived experience  Talk and relational change are complex interrelated processes  ‘Bond/bind’ dilemma – rewards and costs, not stages, might determine relationships  ‘Dialectical tensions’ – relationships are in a constant state of flux between issues