 Blow-up-sudden eruption  Civil-calm & rational  Déjà vu-predictable/repeated pattern  Indirect-not explicitly discussed  Mock  Sarcastic sniping-hostile sarcasm  Silent treatment-two or more encounters

Power:  Always present-symmetrical & complementary  Can be used ethically & unethically  Is granted  Influences most conflicts

 Resource Currency: material-$, property, food  Expertise Currency: special skills/knowledge  Social Network Currency: links with family, friends, acquaintances  Personal Currency: physical beauty, intelligence, charm, Comm skills, funny  Intimacy Currency: unique bond

Avoiding  Keep issues to myself  Usually avoid open discussion of my differences w/ others  Try to stay away from topics of disagree.  Keep disagreements to myself to avoid hard feelings  Try to avoid unpleasant exchanges Accommodating  Generally try to satisfy others’ needs  Usually accommodate others’ wishes  Give in to others’ desires  Often go w/ others’ suggestions  Try to satisfy others’ expectations

Competing  Use my influence to get my ideas accepted  Use my authority to make decisions go in my favor  Pursue my side of an issue  Sometimes use my power to win  Use my expertise to make sure decisions go my way Collaborating  Investigate issues to find solutions acceptable to both  Integrate my ideas w/ those of others to come up w/ decision jointly  Work w/others to find solutions that satisfy both our expectations  Exchange info w/ others so we can solve problems together  Bring all our concerns out in the open so issues can be resolved

 Complementary conflict style-different, mutually reinforcing behavior  Symmetrical conflict style-both people use the same tactics.  Parallel conflict style-shifts complementary & symmetrical patterns from one issue to another

Compete Collaborate Compromise Avoid Accommodate Assertiveness Cooperativeness Assertiveness Nonassertive Cooperative Uncooperative

Middle  Negative climate cont. to spiral  Kitchen-sinking  Interruptions  Derailing-rerouting  Cross-complaining & cutting other off

Later  Self-preoccupation  Counterproposals-competing  Self-summarizing  Egocentric communication  Metacommunication  Promotes dogmatism, rigid thinking, etc

Egocentrism Poor listening Disconfirmation Defensiveness Dogmatism Hostile mind reading Kitchen-sinking Self-summarizing…..

Early  Climate sets the tone-recognizing & acknowledging  Sensitivity  Use of “I” language  Openness  Use of questioning

Middle  Agenda building-focusing  Bracketing for side issues  Ongoing respect demonstrated  Perception checking  Clarifying  Acknowledge ideas, feelings, concerns

Later  Collaborative resolution  Contracting-negotiating & acceptance

 Separation  Domination  Compromise  Integrative agreements  Structural improvements

 Collaboration

You & the other  Are not willing to change  Have goals that are irreconcilable & strongly held  Uncooperative  Chronically defensive  Violent

 Let go of anger, blame, judgments  Given with no strings  Not always appropriate  May be a measurement of how a relationship progresses