Grief and loss Dr Fariba Arabgol Child & Adolescent Psychiatrist Shahid Beheshti University of Medical Science
Facts about children’s grief Death Divorce Sexual abuse Relocation Exposure to violance
Childhood loss Loss of relationships Loss of external objects Loss of self Loss related to skills & Abilities Loss related to habits Loss in the environment
Myth of Grief Adults can instantly give explanations to children about death and spirituality. The grief of adults dose not impact on the bereaved child . Adults should avoid topics that cause a child to cry. An active ,playing child is not a grieving child.
Myth of Grief Parents, educators &…. Always are prepared & qualified to give explanations & clarifications regarding loss & grief. Children need to( get over )their grief and move on . Children are better off not attending funerals.
Myth of Grief Infants and toddlers are too young to grieve
Four Psychological Tasks of Grief Work Understanding Grieving Commemorating Going on
Understanding - Magical thinking -Common cliches : 1/ Sara lost her mother 2/ Dad went on a long trip 3/It is God’s will or God took him because he is so good 4/ He went to sleep last night 5/she is watching you in heaven (so you better be good)
Understanding Age : 0 - 2 Age : 2 – 7 Age: 7 – 12 Age : 13 & up
Grieving Shock & denial Searching & yearning Disorganization & despair Rebuilding & healing
Commemorating Children need to establish ways to remember the person or animal that died. Involve kids in formal and informal ways to commemorate Formal: Informal :
Going on Kids can begin to risk loving again and enjoying life . This dose not mean forgetting the person who’s gone .
Techniques for Grief Work Identify feelings : anger ,panic ,denial, guilt, withdrawal….. Grief resolution techniques : story telling, letter writhing , poetry , memory books, drawing, picture........ Children’s questions and answering them:
Children’s Questions Questions for God Q……. For a mom that died Q……..about forgetting Q……..about cliches Q……. about closure Q……about secrecy Q ……about facts Q…….about the inability to grieve openly
Children’s Questions Q… about dying Q….about magical thinking Q….about heaven Q….about safety