ASEXUALITY: IDENTITY & COMMUNITY Sara Beth Brooks Asexual Awareness Week

ASEXUAL: A PERSON WHO DOES NOT EXPERIENCE SEXUAL ATTRACTION

THE KINSEY SCALE X HeterosexualsHomosexual s Asexuals, breaking models since 1948

THE STORMS MODEL

THE DOUBLE STORMS MODEL Sexual OrientationRomantic Orientation

BUT THAT’S NOT REALLY ENOUGH Sexual OrientationRomantic Orientation

Victoria (1:18-6:27) VICTORIA’S STORY

COMING OUT AS ASEXUAL

 Check your hormones COMMON RESPONSES Asexuality is for amoebas You should try sex first Have you considered that you’re gay?

 You’re just trying to be special COMMON RESPONSES You’re a late bloomer You were abused You just haven’t had me You got burned in a relationship You just can’t get any What’s the point of life then? You’re repressed Are you religious? You’re slut-shaming! You haven’t met the right person But you behave sexually All women are like that

 Sex-negative people…  Sex-positive people… “POLITICAL” OPPOSITION  Sex experts, psychologists

Asexuality is about attraction Celibacy is about behavior ATTRACTION AND BEHAVIOR

 Sexual attraction  Romantic attraction  Aesthetic attraction  Intellectual attraction  Aces most commonly talk about romantic attraction  Use hetero-, homo-, bi-, pan-, and a- to describe these identities  Aromantics THE MANY TYPES OF ATTRACTION

ROMANTIC ORIENTATION Romantic AsexualsAromantic Asexuals  Experience romantic attraction  Desire to form romantic relationships with others  Experience little or no romantic attraction  Do not desire to form romantic relationships with others

GRAY-A  Some individuals identify in the gray area between Asexuality and sexuality  People who identify as gray-A can include, but are not limited to, those who:  do not normally experience sexual attraction, but do experience it sometimes  experience sexual attraction, but a low sex drive  are technically sexual, but feel that it's not an important part of their lives and don't identify with standard sexual culture  experience sexual attraction and drive, but not strongly enough to want to act on them

 Physiologically, asexual people function like everyone else  Hormone testing  Masturbation rates are about the same  Some asexual people choose to have sex  Cross-over into BDSM/kink and fetishes THE SEXUAL HABITS OF ASEXUALS

RELATIONSHIPS  Romantic Asexuals  Can form romantic relationships with either other asexuals or with sexuals  Aromantic Asexuals  Generally do not form romantic relationships  Often form close friendships that function as their primary relationships  Do not lack emotional needs; their emotional needs can be fulfilled in a platonic way

 Do you masturbate?  Some do, some don’t.  Studies show that asexuals are almost as likely to masturbate as non-asexuals  Do asexuals have romantic relationships?  Some do! With other asexuals, or non-asexuals.  Some don’t.  Do asexuals have sex?  Some do, some don’t. Asexuals may want, have, or enjoy sex. There are plenty of reasons to have sex besides sexual attraction. COMMON QUESTIONS

THE ASEXUAL COMMUNITY  Based on the 2011 community census conducted by Asexual Awareness Week 60% of self-identified asexuals are under 21 79% of self-identified asexuals are LGBT or allies

 AVEN  Expanded communities online  Meetups and Pride  Asexual Awareness Week  Organizing campaigns THE ASEXUAL COMMUNITY

ASEXUALS AND THE ALPHABET SOUP

 Asexuality  Ace  Aromantic  AVEN  Demisexual  Gray-asexual  Sexuality spectrum  Squish  Romantic orientation  Relationship model  Queerplatonic ASEXUAL DEFINITIONS

Southpaw (1:11-4:21) SOUTHPAW’S STORY

 Rejection by a partner or family for coming out  Being assumed gay or lesbian because they don’t date  Bullying for abstaining from sex  Some common slurs are “prude” “tease” “selfish” “sick” “broken”  Asexual people often date sexual people, creating new and different relationship problems  Fear of being alone/not finding someone who will love them for who they are  Feeling empty, alone, or isolated ASEXUAL ISSUES AND PRESSURES

 Invisibility  1% of population is asexual  End the feeling of “broken” and “alone” that many report  New conversations about queering relationships  It’s easy to do – it’s just about having a conversation WHY ASEXUAL AWARENESS MATTERS

 Instead of saying…  Asexuality can’t exist  You will know when the time is right for you to have sex.  Have you seen a doctor?  It’s just a phase, it will pass  Sex is a natural part of relationships BE ACE POSITIVE  Try saying…  Everyone has the right to explore sexuality on their own terms.  Love doesn’t equal sex. There are lots of ways to have intimacy without sex.  Not liking sex doesn’t make you sick or broken. There are lots of healthy, happy asexual people.  Sexuality is fluid and there are many different types.  Sex and sexuality are complicated, give yourself time and space to figure it out.

Q&A MANY THANKS TO TRISTAN MILLER AT UC BERKELEY FOR MANY OF THE SLIDES IN THIS PRESENTATION. (_>