Part I begins: Components of Conflict Chapter 1: Perspectives on Conflict

Why study conflict? A natural part of all of our human relationships Family relationships the best laboratory for study Mental health is related to conflict management Romantic relationships/marriage the biggest test of all!

Marriage and family Conflict resolution methods affect marriage Enter conflict gently Repair wounds Avoid criticizing and blaming Avoid “hitting where it hurts” Learning to manage conflict constructively positively correlated with marital satisfaction

Keys to long-term, committed relationships: Conflict management Amount of conflict less important to quality of relationship than how conflict is handled Beliefs about conflict and how it should be handled are important, too

So why study conflict? Affects long-term relationships Affects your mental health Affects people around you Affects the well-being of your family Impacts businesses and organizations Helps people overcome abuse and lack of positive role-models for conflict management Conflict resolution is complicated, not “common sense”

Personal History How did your family handle conflict? How do you handle conflict? Do you and those closest to you handle conflict differently, and what impact does this have on your family/personal life?

Take a moment to reflect What style of conflict management was used in your family as you were growing up? What style do you have now? Write a brief summary of the answers to these questions on a piece of paper

Did your family tend to: Avoid most conflict? Use collaboration to resolve conflict? Engage in yelling, name-calling, and other aggressive strategies?

Avoidant families Conflict doesn’t exist – don’t acknowledge it if it does When you encounter conflict, work through it on your own Don’t talk about conflict Don’t raise your voice Snide comments and sarcasm are okay Sulking and the “silent treatment” are okay Don’t respond to concerns about conflict openly Don’t express strong feelings

Collaborative families Family meetings/chats common Good listening skills are used Deal with people directly Discuss your feelings Parents help children work through conflicts Regular interaction occurs Sulking and “silent treatment” not acceptable Strong feelings are normal and allowed

Aggressive families “Survival of the fittest” atmosphere Brutal honesty, no matter the consequence Show emotions strongly, even if it hurts others Get your position out there first Air conflicts in front of an audience Don’t back down – ever! Take it if someone attacks Those who can’t are considered weak

Effects of destructive marital conflict Research shows the promotion of effects on the entire family system Loneliness and isolation from friends Decreased mental/emotional well-being of children Behavior and academic problems in children Adolescent distress and depression Strong reactions to conflict Difficulties in later lives and long-term relationships

Views of Conflict: Negative Many people view conflict as negative Harmony is normal/conflict is abnormal Conflict = Disagreement Conflict comes from personal pathology Conflict should never be escalated Conflict management is a polite, orderly process Anger is the emotional aspect of conflict

Views of Conflict: Positive Conflict is inevitable – treat it constructively as a fact of life Conflict “brings problems to the table” Conflict brings people together to clarify goals Conflict can “clear the air” and promote understanding

What is your view of conflict? Positive or Negative? What metaphor for conflict do you prefer?

Models of Conflict The “lens” model – the model in the text General Systems Theory – the model preferred by Dr. McCarty

An overview of the models Lens model shows 2 people looking through their own lenses at each other The lens is thought to influence the view of Self Other Relationship General Systems Theory is used in many disciplines and would view conflict as a System involving Inputs (sensory) Internal Processes (perceptions) Outputs (behaviors)

General Systems Theory INPUTINTERNALOUTPUT PROCESSES

INPUT The same for everyone Sensory Inputs Involves sensory receptor cells that: Detect stimuli like light and sound energy Translate it into the brain’s language Transmit it to the brain for processing

INTERNAL PROCESSING Different for everyone Perception – a model of reality Involves Expectations Filters (e.g. gender and cultural) Interpretations

Gender Filters Men and women have more similarities than differences in how they handle individual conflict situations, BUT... There are some overall differences like Self Esteem Power vs. Interdependence concerns

Low Context vs. High Context Cultures Low Context Culture Individual oriented Analytic/linear logic Direct, confrontational Action/solution oriented High Context Culture Group oriented Synthetic/spiral logic Indirect, nonconfrontational Face- and relationship oriented