 Cyberbullying is a growing problem that impacts kids nationwide every day. And as parents and educators, if we want to put an end to cyberbullying, we have to first understand why kids are doing it.  The reasons behind cyberbullying can run the gamut from anger and revenge to a longing to fit in. Here is an overview of the top eight reasons why kids cyberbully others.

 The teen years can be cruel. Nearly everyone has been a part of some form of bullying during his or her lifetime, be it on the giving or receiving end. Today, cyber bullying— electronic aggression committed through s, text messaging, and social media—has become the newest form of adolescent hostility. Although it is not as prevalent as physical bullying, cyber bullying can be just as devastating. But what causes a teen to become a cyber bully? That was the question Sabina Low of Arizona State University’s School of Social and Family Dynamics sought to answer in a recent study.

 Set a good example. Often the very best way to keep kids from becoming bullies or victims of bullying is to be a good role model. If you treat people with kindness and respect, your kids will likely do the same. But if you are rude, disrespectful and act entitled, your child will emulate this behavior as well. As a result, it’s very important that parents take a realistic look at their own behaviors. Take a close look at how you treat wait staff, school personnel and even other drivers on the road. If you have anger management issues or you allow people to take advantage of you, then your kids may behave the same way. To prevent bullying in your kids’ lives, be sure you are modeling healthy communication behaviors for them.

 Talk to your kids every day. Be sure you set aside time to talk with your kids and more importantly listen to them while they are talking. Find out about their day and ask open-ended questions. The goal is not only to connect with them, but also to gauge how things are going for them.

 Instill a healthy mindset. Kids are less likely to become victims of bullying if they have a healthy outlook on life. Many times kids can avoid bullies if they have a healthy group of friends and a solid self-esteem. You also should impart resiliency and be sure your child has the characteristics needed to cope with bullying should it occur. Knowing how to deal with relational aggression, cope with cliques and deal with being ostracized also are important skills. And if your child is bullied, take steps to help her overcome bullying. Don’t assume you have failed if your child is bullied. Instead, focus on helping her get her life back on track by watching for issues such as depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, eating disorders and thoughts of suicide. And be sure to get your child outside help if the consequences of bullying seem to be taking a toll.

 Empower your child to be a good witness. Research shows that kids who witness bullying feel guilty, powerless and helpless. What’s more, bystanders can be as impacted by the bullying as the victim. As a result, it’s important that you empower your kids to be healthy bystanders. You can begin by giving them ideas on what to do if they witness bullying and by instilling good character traits.

 Have a conversation about cyberbullying. Because cyberbullying is a growing problem among young people, it’s important that parents talk to their kids about the issue. Instill the importance of good digital etiquette and be sure your child can recognize the five primary types of cyberbullying. Also, it’s a good idea to make sure your child understands the consequences of sexting and other online behaviors. It’s also a good idea to familiarize yourself with some of the ways kids are using technology to harass others. And be sure to take steps to keep your kids safe online.

 Listen first act second.: When the school or another parent contacts you, listen. Try not to get defensive but instead gather information. Avoid getting upset or emotional but instead explain that you will talk to your child. Then listen to what your child has to say. Ask him if there is any part of what the school or the other parent says that is true. Avoid getting upset and handing out discipline before you have taken a chance to listen to your child.  Get to the root: Find out why your child chose to bully another child. Was the bullying a product of peer pressure? Has your child been bullied by others and felt this was the best way to respond? Was your child bullying because he or she wanted to fit in with a clique? Is this your child’s normal way of relating because he is a take-charge person? Is something happening at home? The goal of discovering these answers is not to give your child an excuse for his behavior. But instead, it will give you an idea of how to address his choice.

 Remember there are two sides: While it is difficult to admit your child bullied another child, remember that kids will naturally try to minimize their behavior. In fact, successful bullies will sometimes event present a skewed version of what happened before the school or parent even calls. Realize that you may never know exactly what happened. But this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t implement discipline.  Make sure your child takes responsibility for his actions: It’s imperative that your child understands that the choice to bully was his, regardless of the reason behind it. Stress that bullying inflicts pain on another person. Be sure your child can repeat back to you what he did wrong. And, then implement consequences that are fitting for the action. For instance, is an apology needed? Should your child be grounded? Again, it will depend on the bullying and your parenting style. The key is to do something to ensure your child understands that bullying is unacceptable.

 Work with the school: As hard as it is, it is important for parents to support the school’s course of action regarding your child’s bullying. When you partner with the school and support what they are implementing, you will be communicating that bullying is wrong and won’t be tolerated. This is one of the best ways to ensure that the bullying doesn’t happen again.  Help your child work through the problem: If your child bullied other people because he too has been bullied, then you need to address that issue too. Be sure you do what you can to help your child overcome any effects of bullying that he has experienced. Meanwhile, if the bullying is related to cliques or peer pressure, be sure you help him navigate those situations too. And if the bullying is part of an anger management issue, consider getting some outside help. A counselor can help your child learn to deal effectively with negative emotions.

 Prevent future bullying incidents. Sometimes when bullying is caught early, it won’t happen again, but don’t assume this is the case. Instead, work with your child to instill empathy. Additionally, if your child is bullying to fit in or garner attention, this could be a self-esteem issue. Help your child to see his value and worth outside of what peers have to say. And if bullying is related to cliques, help your child develop healthy friendships.  Remember, your child’s bullying doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent. Kids are still learning what is right and what is wrong. Be firm and be consistent and you and your child will get through this.